Julie just gave me the best idea! Our culture is such that even thin, very attractive girls feel the need to lose weight. But, if they could all just date fat guys, then they would feel better and more secure in their appearance. That's perfect for me! This is like fucking tailor made for me and my fatty ilk. It should be called The Mike Wilson Plan! That's my new selling point! "Hey, baby, sure I'm not much to look at, but think how much hotter you'll seem standing next to me." Hell, if she's still feeling insecure, I'll do the jiggle dance for her! (I love doing the jiggle dance.) I'm not being sarcastic, this would be a great strategy. Yes, okay, so whatever relationship that resulted would be shallow and purely physical because of how I feel about Lindsay, but she'd have a better self-image, I'd be seen around town in the company of a beautiful girl, and... you know, *wink, wink*. (Hi, my name is Mike and I've still got the mentality of a fucking middle schooler.)

Speaking of beautiful girls, I ran into Jessica "Hell-ya" Hale yesterday. (Most people run into old girlfriends, I run into girls for whom I used to pine.) It wasn't a situation where I asked myself what I was thinking at the time, because I know exactly what I was thinking; come on, Jessica's gorgeous and reasonably funny. But I wonder how I convinced myself that I didn't have a shot with her. I had one really solid chance to make a move on her, and it wouldn't have been a random hook-up because we were sort of friends at the time, but I just didn't. We were lying there on her futon and I really wanted to kiss her, but I just didn't. I thought, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary, that this would be seen as an unwanted advance. How in the hell can I walk around being me all day (because let me tell you, you've got to believe the crap you're spouting if you're going to pull off being The Last Angry Man) and then have my confidence erode so completely around a girl. I don't think we would have seriously dated, but we could have had some fun.

I never hesitated with Lindsay, though. Not once. Odd, that.