I'm actually feeling pretty good today, but I'm still going to give the dark bastard his due. The dark bastard, for those of you who may not know, is the name I've given to all my insecurities, self-loathing, and doubt. He's an integral part of me, but I like to refer to him as if he is a separate person. Because the dark bastard is consistent; when I'm happy he tries to bring me down, and when I'm sad he indulges me. This is the only part of the Lost Post that I was happy to see go, but the dark bastard is just going to keep pestering me until I publish it.

And now a word from the dark bastard...
I'm not talking about hope, possibility, or any other unquantifiable measurement here, I'm talking about cold, hard logic. Hope is the lies we tell ourselves when we don't like the truth; logic is uncaring, but at least it's honest. Logically, Wilson is going to die alone. In his life, three girls have liked him. One he liked only as a friend, another he didn't like at all, and though he liked the third and she liked him, they never liked one another silumtaneously. He has liked many girls, with varying degrees of affection. The fat fuck's loved two of them: Skeeter and Linz. Though both considered him a dear friend, neither had the slightest romantic interest in 'im. So, it logically follows that any girl Wilson loves will not love him. Here, two options persent themselves: a) in order to find romance, he must lower his standards and fake affection for a girl he doesn't love, or b) he lives and dies alone. And the bloke's too proud to lower his standards, so, logically, he will die alone. The best part is, though, that he knows this, and yet the wanker will continue to pursue Linz and then the next girl after her and the next girl after her and I'll laugh my fucking head off the whole time. Why? Because of hope. Cruel, taunting hope.

I've been having a very frank dialogue with Lindsay this week. "The thing is, I don't love you the way you want, and so I wouldn't ever be able to make you happy that way." How do I give her up? She's so certain it wouldn't work, but I'm so certain it would.