Who would have thought that of both my parents, my mom would be the far more annoying of the two. I've been here two weeks and she's driving me batty. You know the old song, "I want a girl just like the girl who married dear old dad"? Yeah, I'll shoot myself in the fucking head before I marry a girl remotely like my mother. She lives her life exactly how I do not want to live mine. I live at home, I'm allowed to whine about boring shite like my parents.

And now a drooling kitty is obstructing the keyboard.

Okay, I guess at seventeen there is no way Sammy comes close to qualifying as a kitty, but "a drooling kitty" sounds better than "a drooling cat." And sweet merciful crap, his drool isn't watery, it's this godawful syrupy horror. Ewwwwww.

"The Hour In 30 Seconds" words by M. Wilson
"Drink drink drink
As fast as you can!
Drink drink drink
Be you woman or man!
Sure you'll puke
That's part of the plan,
Drink drink drink
The Hour's at hand!

Drink drink drink
As fast as you can!
Drink drink drink
There'll be 'Puking, man!'
Hawai'ian Punch:
The sacred brand,
The Hour That
Nobody Wanted, man!"

If you haven't experienced The Hour That Nobody Wanted, man, you haven't lived. Nothing makes you appreciate what's really important in life like watching your brother drink four Liters of Hawai'ian Punch in ten minutes or watching little Liz Ele fight her way through the power squat.

Grand Funk Forever
Happy birthday (Wednesday, in my mind it's still Wednesdya night) to Grand Funk Railroad's Don Brewer, known to me primarily via Homer Simpson. "You kids don't know Grand Funk? The wild, shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner? The bone-rattling bass of Mel Shocker? The competent drum work of Don Brewer?"