Objective ZED OMEGA

Registration is now open for the Jeopardy! online test, the first step to becoming a contestant: Adult Online Test-link. Or, as Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi said, "your first step into a larger world." My mother has already completed her registration, so what are you waiting for? Alex Trebek might be my archenemy, but I am still a tremendous fan of Jeopardy! & will do everything in my power (& within the bounds of propriety) to aid anyone reading these lines in their own quest to be a Jeopardy! contestant.

Straight & Narrow
I am a fount of trivial knowledge, & while there are definite limits to my expertise, I knew enough about a wide enough variety of topics to earn my way onto the show & on another day, with another random collection of categories, I would have been a Jeopardy! champion. I off my services as coach/mentor. This could range from tutoring on a wide variety of subjects to sharing the strategic insights gleaned from my appearance on the show. Learn what I did right & what not to do from what I did wrong. Help me vicariously to relive the Jeopardy! experience through you.

What are you waiting for?

Skulduggery
As a previous contestant, I am eligible to take the online test only "for fun." You know what would be really fun? Destroying that snake-in-the-grass Alex Trebek. Join me in my mission of righteous retribution, help me to repay Trebek for the haughty disdain he has shown to many a past contestant. I do not seek revenge, only justice. Interested? Together we can plot the means by which Trebek's public shaming & downfall will be effected. An inside man could be invaluable. I promise not to destroy Trebek 'til after your episodes have aired.

What have you got to lose?

Operation ÖSTERREICH | Project GLOWWORM
My next weigh-in is not for another week, but just to-day I had to tighten my belt by another hole to keep my pants in place. (For a fatty fat fat, my arse is very flat, too flat to provide a ledge upon which to perch my pants.) I've never before used this hole, not in all the years I've owned this belt. It is possible that my waist is not constricting, that instead the leather is becoming more elastic as it wears; the merciless scale will tell the tale on Christmas Day.