Return of the Dead Wings
The Detroit Red Wings are going to be eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs by the lowly Edmonton Oilers. Even if the Wings manage, by some miracle, to force a Game 7, we all know how this debacle is going to end. Before the playoffs, I said that my biggest concern about the Wings was Manny Legace, the goaltender. Soft as Legace's goaltending has been, it would be on overstately to say his play has been sieve-like. Still, the primary blame for this disaster should not rest on Manny, but rather on Pavel Datsyuk.

In his career with the Detroit Red Wings, Pavel Datsyuk has scored exactly three goals in the playoffs, all during the 2002 playoffs, the ultimate result of which was Detroit's third Stanley Cup in six years. In the 2003 playoffs, he scored zero goals. In the 2004 playoffs, he scored zero goals. There were no 2005 playoffs. In the 2006 playoffs, which are not yet technically concluded, he has scored zero goals. For the 2005-06 season, Datsyuk was paid $3,900,000, 1/10th of the Wings' entire payroll. One full tenth of the payroll, and he hasn't scored one mother-lovin' goal; that would be fine if the s.o.b. was the blasted goalie, but he's a forweard. At least, in theory he's a forward. From his play on the ice, he might be the NHL's first official observer.

Speaking of goaltenders, Manny Legace is the league's best backup goalie. The problem for the Wings is that they have Legace in the starting positon. If the organization had not squandered a tenth of the payroll on Datsyuk (and since he's useless inthe playoffs, G.M. Ken Holland would have been just as well off burning that $4 million inside an effigy of Patrick Roy), they would have been able to afford a quality goaltender and hung on to Legace as the best back up in the NHL. Instead, Mike Ilitch is paying outrageous sums of money to Pavel Datsyuk for absolutely nothign in return and the NHL's new salary cap does not leave sufficient funds to sign a goaltender capable of dealing with the pressure of the playoffs.

The Red Wings have exited the playoffs in either the first or seconds rounds in each of the three seasons since winning the Stanley Cup in 2002, despite posting three excellent records in the regular season. Fortunately, as a lifelong Detroit Lions fan, I am well prepared to deal with such routine failure: There's always next year....

Honolulu Blue Forever
Speaking of the Lions, I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for new head coach Rod Marinelli. Reading his comments about yesterday's NFL draft, the poor beggar doesn't seem to have realized that he's compeltely and irrevocably doomed. Or maybe it has dawned upon him and he's just in denial. Hmmm. Either way, he really is doomed. Matt Millen is still in charge of the Lions; so, the entire organization is still doomed. Doomed. Doomed. Doomed.

In the hilarious words of Dr. Hee-Haw, "I'm doomed."