Project MERCATOR
A good game of Risk is hard to find. Amongst the numerous ill-consequences of the spreading of the Blue Tree Whackers to the four winds is a paucity of quality Risk matches. I've played a couple games in the old History Club, but the club, for all their enthusiasm about history, were hapless neophytes at Risk. Red Patton plays fairly regularly, out there in the wilds north of Frankenmuth, but he does not rate his opponents very highly &, what's perhaps worse, they most often play Lord of the Rings Risk. (Yes, I own Star Wars Risk, the Clone Wars Edition, but 'twas a gift.) Prior to Saturday there was a chance that The Guy would be joining us for Civil War Days, though this did not come to pass. As Red Patton & I discussed Risk, it suddenly occurred to me that an additional bonus of seeing The Guy would be the readiness at hand of another gangbusters Risk player. The chance to was too good to miss, so mobile telephone technology—specifically, text messages via S.M.S.—was used to arrange a game for later that night. Red Patton, the future Mrs. Red Patton, & I enjoyed the rest of Civil War days; Red Patton & I drove back to Grand Blanc, ate ice cream from Ziggy's, & followed the duo driving a Ferrari Testarossa for a bit; & in the fullness of time The Guy appeared on my doorstep.



I've never rolled a more miserable game of Risk in my life. So poor were my dice that my offenses were needlessly bloody, often bogging down entirely, while on defense my men failed on almost all occasions to offer even token resistance. Entire continents were lost without the loss of single enemy army. The disgrace was profound. Both The Guy & I too long ignored the festering threat of Red Patton's "Yellow Peril," securely working the Australian Gambit behind a solid defensive wall in Fortress Siam-I-Am. The "Black Raj" dispatched an army to challenge the defenses of Siam-I-Am before it grew too large, but my attacking army was undone en route by unbelievably bad rolls of the dice. The Guy declined the challenge because other targets seemed easier; I'd perhaps fatally weakened him & broken his resolve when I took away his African continental bonus (Out of Africa). Red Patton first took away my South American continental bonus (Pinochle with Pinochet) & then made a bid to wipe out The Guy's unnamed blue armies. Red Patton fell short in that ambitious bid, & I stayed alive only be finishing off The Guy & claiming his cards. At the end of the game, I had four cards but could not turn them in for additional armies, while Red Patton, with a just a single card to his name, garnered enough armies through his multiple continental bonuses (Pinochle with Pinochet, Out of Africa, the North American Dream, & the European Hurry-Up-&-Wait) to seal my doom; it was that kind of night.

I do not mean to blame the sorry defeat solely on the dice; I ignored my instincts to thwart Red Patton's Australian Gambit before it was too late, & Red Patton also played a cagey, intelligent game. He is a worthy opponent & I hope to cross swords with him again sooner rather than later, though numbers will remain a problem, as two-man Risk is not much fun.

This coming weekend, Red Patton & I intend to see the new Norwegian film Kon-Tiki, a dramatization of Thor Heyerdahl & company's remarkable voyage across the Pacific by raft in 1947, at the Michigan Theater.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Phenomenauts, "Science and Honor" from For All Mankind (T.L.A.M.)