In the first of two New York-themed items, Skeeter has actually posted on her bloggy blog! In the words of The Onion from July 20, 1969, "HOLY SHIT Man Walks on Fucking Moon"! Only two and a half months until she posts again! Thanks, Skeeter!

Vote For Kodos
Hyperlink!* It's not that I'm particular to Mr. Bloomberg, I just love the perversity of a Republican running New York City. Plus, Bloomy is probably the most visible liberal Republican in the entire country, and Bog knows we need more of them if we are ever to take back the Grand Old Party from the crazy Evangelicals. By the end of his term, New York City, home to the late Pauline Kale who didn't know a single person who voted for Richard Nixon, will have been governed by Republicans for sixteen consecutive years. Hilarious.

Honolulu Blue Forever
Operating on the assumption that Steve "Mooch" Mariucci will go the way of the buffalo at the end of this season, who do you think, dear readers, should be hired as the new doomed head coach of the Detroit Lions? I have three candidates in mind:

Ein) Pete Carroll. Yeah, okay, so the Pac-10 is an incredibly weak conference, but that doesn't mean his USC teams haven't been frighteningly good. I'll even butcher the mother tongue by saying the Trojans are scary good. Plus, Carroll coached both the Jets and the Patriots; so, I'd wager he's got an eye toward returning to the NFL sooner or later. Pete, come to Detroit and the future can be now! Heck, we even have your star Mike Williams (maybe Carroll could return him to the decent player he once was, not the stonehanded slowpoke he is now).

Zwei) Jim Tressel. The worst that could happen is Tressel would be just as bad a coach as Marty Morningweig. (Once you've gone 2-14, you develop quite a high tolerance for risk.) And who knows, 2002 might not have been a fluke. Plus, as an added bonus Tressel would no longer be the football coach at Ohio State. Lloyd's 1-3 against that bastard and the only way I see Michigan ever getting back in the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry is to take Tressel out of the picture. I think Carroll would give the Lions a better chance of winning, but above all else I really want Tressel out of Columbus.

Drei) Last but certainly not least, the great Dan Dierdorf. He was the first person I ever heard say, "That play was ill-conceived and poorly executed." I've watched a lot of football in my twenty-six years on the earth and in all that time I've learned a number of things. Among them is that Dan Dierdorf knows a hell of a lot about football. He's incredible, doubly so when contrasted with that blithering idiot Madden. Dan Dierdorf (yes, I always say both his names. Can you blame me? Go ahead, say "Dan Dierdorf" out loud. It just rolls off the tongue) knows football, which would certainly be a nice change of pace from William Clay Ford, Jr.; Matt Millen; Steve Mariucci; and Marty Morningweig, who collectively know just enough to lead a pee-wee football team to a winless season. Dan Dierdorf is like Flash Gordon, as described by Queen, "He'll save every one of us!"

Dan Dierdorf, "King of the impossible!"

In a related story, Andy Reid is my new hero. Also, I have now set aside my animosity toward Donovan McNabb (born in Syracuse's 38-28 victory over Michigan in 1998). I respect how he dealt with Owens in last year's playoffs and how he has reacted to Owens's latest antics. I may not be a fan, but I am certainly an admirer of Donovan McNabb.

*I typed "Hyperlink!" instead of "Hyperlink." because the Secret Base is all about ACTION! Careful consideration and quiet contemplation are for others. Flying off the handle, leaping without looking, those are the things for which people turn to The Last Angry Man. Take the time to actually consider all sides of an issue? Humbug! I have harsh and arbitrary judgments to render! And thus, in keeping with this reactionary philosophy of ACTION!, the namby-panby hyperlinks have been "kicked up a notch" (quotting Elzar, not Emerill) from "Hyperlink."s to "Hyperlink!"s. ACTION!