The Victors
(No. 21) Michigan 65-21 Bowling Green
4-0, Big Ten 0-0

Due to Saturday's afternoon attendance at the Michigan Renaissance festival, I was unable to watch the Michigan-Bowling Green (B.G.) game, though I did use the house D.V.R. (Distance Vril Recorder) to record it for later viewing. I would not normally have done so, because into every life a little rain must fall & sometimes that metaphorical rain includes missing some of the year's precious few college football games. But I very much wanted to see the B.G. game because I knew I'd have to miss the following weekend's Michigan-Indiana game, the valiant Wolverines' Big Ten season opener. Our cable system does not carry E.S.P.N.U., the channel on which Michigan-Indiana will be aired; some would surely point out that I could probably find E.S.P.N.U. & thus the game at a local sports bar, & that would be an excellent plan accept for the fact that I will be both out of the state & otherwise occupied on Saturday afternoon. So, alas & alack, I shall have to miss the Indiana game, and so forewarned I was unwilling to miss the game against the epithetless Falcons of Bowling Green. I could not watch the B.G. game upon my return from the Ren. Fest. because my parents were hosting the first "Cards" game of the season. "Cards" is a fantastic tradition, a monthly (nine or ten times a year) evening of camaraderie & pinochle between my parents & three other couples. "Cards" is one of the best ideas for adult socialization I've ever encountered, and it should serve as a model for us all. I would not dare to interfere with such a grand tradition even were I in a position to rightfully do so; so, I didn't get the chance to watch the football game until Sunday afternoon.

To wit: Holy smoke, what an offense! I do not care if the epithetless Falcons are a M.A.C. team, and not necessarily a good M.A.C. team at that. The valiant Wolverines have struggled so thoroughly & so mightily over the last three seasons that just as no opponent can be overlooked, no victory can be taken for granted. And sixty-five points is impressive no matter whom you are playing. What happened to Bowling Green in the first seven minutes of the game? For that I'm going to turn Denard "Shoelace" Robinson's nickname into a verb; the epithetless Falcons got Shoelaced, though not as badly as UConn & Notre Dame got Shoelaced due to the super scary possible knee injury sustained by Robinson on yet another Shoelacing run. More impressive to me--because four games into the season Shoelace is viewed, and rightly so, as a demigod for whom almost nothing is impossible--was the play of backup quarterbacks Devin Gardner & Tate Forcier. 12 for 12? Twelve passes completed in twelve passes attempted? One hundred percent passer efficiency? It's good to know that even though little man Tate's no longer the starter it's still true that "the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Forcier." A couple weekends back I saw Arizona State being lead by quarterback Steven Threet, a transfer from Michigan & our starting quarterback in the benighted '08 season. "Triple Threet" might develop into a fine pocket passer-style quarterback, but he was, as a legacy of the Carr era, entirely ill-suited to the hydra (it would be redundant to call a hydra "multi-headed" as I originally intended) that is the Rodriguez offense. I think back to '08, when we'd been abandoned by the faithless turncoat Mallett (whom Lloyd had loved too well, and who is now prospering at Arkansas), leaving us with essentially no starter-caliber quarterback; Threet & Nick Sheridan ("the devil Sheridan") tired their best, but at that point in time neither was any better than a second- or perhaps even third-string backup. And now the valiant Wolverines have three serviceable starting quarterbacks on the roster, none older than a true sophomore. Astonishing!

But best of all was the improved play of the defense. B.G.'s first scoring drive came when we were all still petrified by the specter of Shoelace's injury. The second was not a sustained drive, but the result of one well-designed, well-executed play & a single missed tackle. Do I wish that tackle hadn't been missed? Yes. Do I with our defenders had gotten off their blocks? Of course. But, and please forgive my language, shit happens; shit happens & that's the nature of the game. Bowling Green put together a regrettable third scoring drive, but after that it was curtains for the epithetless Falcons. They were held scoreless throughout the fourth quarter as the valiant Wolverines sealed the win with continued, though ultimately unnecessary, displays of offensive wizardry. The defense is still Michigan's Achilles heel, far & away our greatest weakness, and like the rest of the Maize & Blue faithful I dread the arrival of the inevitable day when the defensive unit's failings prove our undoing. But after the heart attack-inducing debacle against UMass, Saturday's improved showing was a needed glimmer of hope.

But let us remind ourselves that we've been here before. Last season, on the strength of an undefeated non-conference schedule, including a win over an overly esteemed Notre Dame squad, the valiant Wolverines were 4-0 & ranked in the Top 25 on the eve of the Big Ten season. What followed was a total team collapse worthy of the dastardly Spartans, and a 1-7 conference record. A repeat is too horrific to contemplate, but the moment we deem it impossible we all but guarantee a repetition. I will not see next Saturday's game against the wily Hoosiers of Indiana University, the opener of Big Ten Conference play, but I will read about it extensively as soon as I return from La-La-Land. Here is my most sincere hope that all goes well, that all goes to Coach Rich Rod & the valiant Wolverines' plan.

Go Blue!

Project MERCATOR
Friday night, The Impossible Ingenue hosted a party in celebration of her birthday (actually on Saturday). The festivities were quite in line with The Ingenue herself, understated & casual. It was the first time I'd been to her home in rather a while, invitations having been far less frequent since The Most Dangerous Game moved out into her own apartment. My present to her, though inexpensive, is the kind of gift that keeps on giving; I hope she enjoys it. I hope, also, that she had a delightful time, but of course The Impossible Ingenue plays her cards so close to the vest that no one ever knows that she's really thinking. Not in the same sense as she was originally dubbed "Impossible," but impossible girl, just bloody impossible. So, I hope she had fun. Happy birthday, Cara!

Saturday afternoon, I motored Lumi down to the (ugh) "Shire of Holly" for the Michigan Renaissance Festival. Year after year, I've always meant to go to the Ren. Fest., but the time flies so quickly and there are so many other distractions on the weekends: even if the weather's not too hot, there's a college football game to the watch, or a Formula One grand prix, or the lawn needs to be mowed, or the house needs to be cleaned. But this year I was invited to accompany a new acquaintance and speech & debate teammate, The Regina, a friend of Love/Hate's, & that was just the kick in the pants I needed! I was additionally aided by The Most Dangerous Game scoring free tickets from one of her multiple places of employment. A "free"* ticket? Don't mind if I do! Thanks, The Most Dangerous Game! Because Grand Blanc is so proximal to Holly I offered to drive myself, rather than needed to be picked up. The rendezvous was originally set for noon, but in the morning it was pushed back to one o'clock via text message. I was running a few minutes behind schedule, as is my habit, and informed The Regina by way of text. I was directed overland (see: Saturday's "Autobahn") to a parking spot almost in the bushes on the edge of the improvised parking lot & began the long trek to the Festival grounds. (It was not a long, dusty trek thanks to an earlier spot of rain, just enough to keep the dust down but not enough to reduce everything to mud.)

I reached the main gate, where the overly theatrical fun begins, without any word from The Regina, and so resigned myself to trying to locate her & her companions once inside. I had just finished handling & being entranced by a rapier (though, sadly, the "full basket hilt" was anything but) and was trying to figure out how best to respond to the bladesmith's offer to sell me the sword--something more brief & clever than, "Sorry, chief, but {a} I cannot justify the expense of a rapier until after the successful conclusion of Project RADIANT and {b} the blade is beautiful, but if I'm buying a rapier I'd really rather one with a far more elaborate hilt"--when my mobile, an anachronism, I know, rang. The Regina & company were running ever more late than I was, but soon enough I'd met them just inside the entrance & all was well. Over the course of the afternoon we took in a joust; split down the middle over the superior lunch choice, a bread bowl full of chili or a giant turkey leg; agreed that a "Schneeball" is a magical dessert; spend a spell in incongruously Asiatic hedonism around a hookah; were by far the loudest laughers & clappers amidst an almost comatose audience at the Zucchini Bros. juggling show; & visited every leather shop in search of the one with the secret "adult" backroom. (I waited outside & tried to think happy thoughts.)

The Renaissance Festival is a lot like bowling: every time I go, I wonder why I don't go more often. I had a splendid time & am determined to make the Renaissance Festival a yearly tradition. Project MERCATOR is about more than just socialization, it's also about taking advantage of everything my community has to offer. The Renaissance Festival is right up MERCATOR'S alley.

*As a partially-trained economist, I know that nothing is truly free, everything has costs even if those costs aren't borne by or apparent to you. My ticket to the Ren. Fest. was paid for by somebody, possibly even out of the Festival's own funds, even though it was "free" to me.