Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Operation ÖSTERREICH

Fortnightly Weigh-in: In the last two weeks I have lost two point four pounds (2.4 lbs.), dropping from three hundred forty-seven pounds (347.0 lbs.) to three hundred forty-four point six pounds (344.6 lbs.). I'd like to have done better, but clearly didn't put in the work necessary for more satisfactory progress. Nonetheless, this weigh-in's results are not so bad, considering that for the last fortnight I was on a major & mysterious (read: unprecedented) Hot Pockets binge, eating a boatload of the accursed things & constantly recalling Jim Gaffigan hilariously & creepily intoning, "Hot Pockets!"

At last weekend's farewell party for Juan Love (departing to serve our great republic in her Navy), Red Patton observed that he'd been sporadically perusing The Secret Base & was shocked by the previous "Operation ÖSTERREICH" post, specifically by my titanic weight. Red Patton is himself a giant Portuguese Adonis, & a bewhiskered Adonis at that, at least in small part thanks to my influence, I am proud to report. He would never have guessed that I weigh as much as I do, & said that I carry my weight well. The only other men he's known of a similar weight were much more corpulent & much less agile. This confirms something of my own observations, for I know a fellow from the K. of C. who purports to weigh forty pounds less than me, yet appears to be much more rotund, much more obese. (Then again, in my dreams I am always much thinner than I have ever been in my adult life, so I cannot claim to have an exceptionally accurate self-image.)

ÖSTERREICH continues to bear fruit, & would do so more abundantly were I more disciplined. Onward!

1 comment:

me said...

Thanks to getting a dog who I routinely walk at least 3-4 miles a day (plus more walking on my own, generally), being miserable and throwing my energy into weights at the gym and yoga for five months, and the stress of moving out/breaking up with my bf I'm currently probably in the best shape of my life. So God speed to your efforts.