The Oath of Narwhal Day
The narwhal is a noble, pitiable creature.
A magnificent, monstrous visage.
An asymmetrical tooth for a horn,
Or sometimes two, or sometimes none,
Half again as long as the beast.

I swear my sympathy for the narwhal.
I will not lie and convince it all is well,
But I will be a friend to the narwhal.
The mocking dolphins and snobby manatees
Will get their well-earned comeuppance,
And the narwhal will froic all day.

I dream this dream of the narwhal
And celebrate it in all its improbable, oddball glory,
On this the sixth Narwhal Day.


The narwhal (Monodon monoceros), alternately spelled narwal or narwhale, is nature's most gloriously ill-conceived creatures. Here is a hyperlink to the Wikipedia entry on these fantabulous beasts and here is a hyperlink to an image of the wicked cool coat-of-arms of the autonomous Canadian Inuit territory of Nunavut.

I'm wearing my gray "narwhal" T-shirt, I've recited the Oath of Narwhal Day, and I'm listening to "Sympathy for the Narwhal" by DJ Seaghost. For the rest of the day, I'm going to try to keep the narwhal in mind, contemplating the plight of these majestic monsters. Happy Narwhal Day!