Hello, Kitty
I'm getting worried about Sam. He seems to have lost almost all interests in sitting on laps. That can't be good. Please don't die, Sammy.

Colin Powell sez "You're a loser!"... But What Does the Lovely Dr. Rice Say?
I received the registration forms for the 2005 Foreign Service Written Examination in today's mail. Odd, that, since I haven't gotten around to requesting them yet. I can only assume it is standard precedure to send the materials to all failed applicants from the previous exam. Well, I hope I fare better on this year's exam. The exam is April 23 and the results won't be known until late July; so, you have plenty of time to shudder at the thought of me being an official representative of the United States of America.

B.A.P.F. Lives
Since I don't count October's Flogging Molly propaganda debacle as a show, before last night I hadn't been to a rock show in which I was not performing since, jumpin' Jehosephat, June! That's so sad. Fortunately, these things happen in bunches. So, in addition to last night's tsunami relief benefit show at The Local, on Wednesday I am going to see Mu330 in Detroit. After that, I intend to see Mustard Plug twice, at The Local near the end of February and at the Blind Pig in early April. All are invited to attend; it's not the case of "the more the merrier" as it used to be, now it's more that I hate having to go to shows by myself. Still, I'm willing to pay that price for the unrivaled joy of a good ska show. "Rok! Rok! Rok!"

The commentary on ABC and NPR about Sunday's election in Iraq has been very disheartening. I hate to say it, but it seems as if many in the media do not view liberty and democracy as inherent goods.

I have been to The Local for the tsunami relief concert. Take that, you bastards, iron-clad proof of my moral supremacy.

The Iraqi people have voted. Woot! Let the counting begin! Man, I can't wait to see what kind of a constitution the Transitional National Assembly comes up with. President Jimmy has said that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is the Iraqi equivalent of our Founding Fathers; that's an odd statement even for Jimmy, since Zarqawi is Jordanian, not Iraqi. (President Jimmy is the personification of "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.") I can't wait to see who will be the real Iraqi James Madison.

Name Dropping
I was at The Palace on Wednesday for a Pistons game. Once again, the grotesqueness of man compelled me to feel sympathy for that musical abomination commonly known as Kid Rock. People all but shoved each other aside for the opportunity to touch him, get his autograph, wrap a meaty arm around him and have a picture taken with a cellular phone. If I live for a thousand thousand years, I shall never understand the impulse. But this day, fortune smiled on me; the celebrity in question was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the words "Kid Rock" written across the chest. Dude. Unless you are a spandex-clad superhero, you may not have your name written across your chest. Ye gods. I hope more slobbering, dull-eyed twats haunt his every waking moment. I hope he never again experiences a moment of public privacy. I feel about him the way I did before the madding crowd ever inspired my sympathy. So, my thanks to you, Kid Rock, for being every bit as vile as I had unfairly assumed you to be.

*** ATTENTION MOUNTAIN OF LOVE - Episode III SPOILER ALERT! ***
Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Darth Sidious (Senator Palpatine)
Darth Maul
Viceroy Nute Gunray

Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Darth Sidious (Chancellor Palpatine)
Darth Tyranus (Count Dooku)
Jango Fett
Separatist leaders (Trade Federation, I.G. Banking Clan, et al.)

Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Darth Sidious (Chancellor Palpatine)
Darth Tryanus (Count Dooku)
General Grievous
Anakin Skywalker

Episode IV - A New Hope
Darth Vader (Anakin Skywalker)
Grand Moff Tarkin

Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Darth Sidious (Emperor Palpatine)
Darth Vader (Anakin Skywalker)
Boba Fett

Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
Darth Sidious (Emperor Palpatine)
Darth Vader (Anakin Skywalker)
Jabba the Hutt
*** ATTENTION MOUNTAIN OF LOVE - Episode III SPOILER ALERT! ***

May 19, 2005, six years to the day after the release of The Phantom Menace. This is going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

Tsunami
It's been a month and a day since the Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami. Over 200,000 people are dead. I know a lot of you reading this don't have much spare income, and I'm not asking anyone to donate their rent money, or even give up a few nights at the bar, but ask yourself: what can I give to tsunami relief? If you have already donated to any one of the numerous charitable organizations involved, you have my thanks, for you have sided with the better angels of Man's nature. If you haven't, and it is within your means, please do so.

I drink Guinness, usually $5 a pint. Can you give up four beers? $20 is not too small a gift. Every bit helps. And remember, the Lord teaches us to give quietly; so, no bragging. Thank you.

You know what came to me this morning in the shower? Tim McVeigh is dead! We are coming up on the ten anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, a horror that, though rightly overshadowed by 9/11, we must always remember. Americans murder Americans every day, but vatos on the streets of LA are not the same as the methodical placement of an enormous bomb outside a preschool. It's nice to see that in this one case the wheels of justice turned at a decidedly non-glacial pace. Rot in Hell, Timmy, you aren't missed.

Just remember, kids, be sure not to mistake parity for parody.

A Confederacy of Dunces
As you may have read in the news, the president of Harvard University, Lawrence Summers, made a controversial speech in which he hypothesized women may simply be inferior to men when it comes to math. Thus, women are not as suited as men to careers as mathematicians and scientists. Wow. While Summers has apologized and said he was merely summarizing some preliminary research, you would have to be an incredible jackass to say what he said under any circumstances. It is disheartening to know such chauvenism still thrives, and as now be dressed up as "science." (It reminds me of those racist bastards who wrote The Bell Curve in the '90s. Remember that? It was Aryan pseudoscience all over again.) In any event, the most shocking aspect of this whole mess has been some of those who have risen to defend Summers, including Newsweek's George F. Will and Fareed Zakaria. Also, Meine Vater, who says that we should not silence intellectual debate, no matter the topic. So, hurray, in addition to being a religious bigot and a paranoid (from the frequency with which he talks about the threat of Communism, you'd think it was 1948), he has now established himself as a misogynist, too. I really should send him and Summers some Eminem CDs as presents....

I've wanted to read Keith Bradsher's High and Mighty - SUVs: The World's Most Dangerous Vehicles and How They Got That Way since it was first published in 2002, because I hate SUVs as much as the next guy. But Bradsher has so villified everything about and everyone around SUVs that I'm almsot feeling sympathetic to SUV owners. (Note that I said "almost." All SUV owners are assholes, most truck owners, too.) Basically, he's a sanctimonious s.o.b. who fawns over Bill Ford to such an extent that I'm shocked he didn't dedicate the book to him. Still, the book is greatly informative and a valuable read.

Michigan's Tom Brady is going to kick Syracuse's Donovan McNabb's ass. I remember being in the Big House on that awful day in September 1998 when the Orangemen defeated us 38-28. Really, it wasn't that close; then, as now, we had no answer for a mobile quarterback. (Defensive coordinator then: Jim Herrmann; defensive coordinator now: Jim Herrman. Coincidence?) The Eagles don't stand a change against the Patriots.

I woke up early intending to go to 10 o'clock Mass, but instead found that the plow-jerks had buried the Mousemobile. Lousy bottomfeeders. I changed clothes and spent nearly an hour digging my automobile out of the snow. I love snow and I love Winter; so, i would be a hypocrite to now bellyache about having to shovel my way to freedom. That's not what I'm doing. I am railing against the indiscriminate use of plows to clear the streets. From the disposition of the snow, the plow had approached the Mousemobile nose-to-nose and pushed as a mountain of snow right up to the front bumper and beyond. Had I not seen it for myself, I wouldn't have believed how much snow was under the Mousemobile. She hadn't been driven since Friday, and I know how much snow was under her before the plows wrought their havoc; those dicks basicaly injected snow under her. In any event, after the successful shoveling I took a second shower and made it to the noon Mass with plenty of time to spare. Father Bill baptized a tiny, tiny baby. The moral of our story? Plow drivers are a cancer.

The (Second) Most Wonderful Time of the Year
See, this is what I've been talking about. What is the big deal about Michael Vick? HE CAN'T PLAY QUARTERBACK! The Atlanta Falcons had a good record this year, but I'll be damned if I know how. Prior to today's contest against the hated Eagles (I hate those guys), I'd only seen the Falcons in their loss to the Lions early in the season. They lost. To the Lions. And Vick didn't look like anything special. Against Philadelphia, he looks less-than-adequate. The man simply cannot throw the ball with the proficiency required of an NFL quarterback. He would be one of the greatest running backs in the League, but as a QB... let's just say I'm less than impressed. It's too bad, too, because I really wanted Philly to go down in flames for a fourth consecutive time. Drat!

Man, Skeeter just confused the living fuck out of me.

Kumar: "You might be worthwhile."
Harold: "I'm not worthless."

My mom woke me up at 7:02 a.m. this morning to tell me my grandmother is in the hospital. It's nothing life threatening, she didn't have a stroke or heart attack, but it's serious enough that shortly thereafter Mom left for Dayton, where she was raised and where Grandma still lives. I would be lying if I said I held any particular affection for my grandmother, and vice versa; during our Christmastime trip to Dayton, she recoiled when I hugged her. Nevertheless, she is my last surviving grandparent. Between December 1999 and July 2003, Grandpa Wilson, Grandpa Little, and Grandma Wilson died in that order. The world will be a better place when my grandmother dies, but it will make my mother quite sad; so, I hope she endures for many years to come.

Last night I watched the first half of Ken Burns's new documentary Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson. I highly recommend it and look forward to watching the second half this weekend. Among the many enviable features it boasts is narration by Keith David. I cannot imagine how, but I hope this brings us one step closer to my dream project: a movie co-starring Keith David and David Keith. And once that venture come to fruition, I know it will be easier to see Daniel Day Lewis and Daniel Dae Kim side by side.

Vote For Kodos - Inauguration Day
Wow, that's a REALLY white coat Mrs. Bush is wearing.

Hello, Kitty
Sam's creeping dementia is increasingly annoying. I'm assuming he's demented since he has food, didn't want to eat the cheese I offered him, refused to sit own on my lap or on the hassock once I moved my legs, and yet he still sat there meowing at me. Dude, what in Bog's name do you want me to do? I'll do it, but right now I've done everything I know to do for you. So, what do you want? Poor kitty, so old, so crazy.

Hey, neat, the inauguration is on C-SPAN! I listened to it on NPR and saw clips earlier on ABC, but I haven't seen most of it. Cool. Thanks, C-SPAN!

2005
It's 2005. We're living in the certifiable future. So, why haven't robots tried to enslave the human race, and where is my jetpack, dammit?

Vote For Kodos - Inauguration Day
The rhetoric in President Bush's speech, that's why I voted for the man and why over the last four years I have become convinced that he is a great president. Where we have "interfered" - Western Europe, Japan, South Korea, contemporary Afghanistan - the people have benefitted. Where we have not, or we have failed - Russia, Vietnam, Cuba, Taliban Afghanistan - the people have suffered. In ten days, the people of Iraq are going to go to the polls and vote. Vote! If you believe in democracy, you have to think that free election are an inherent good. Had we not told the corrupt UN and many of our valued allies to shove it, the Iraqi people would not now be voting; therefore, we did the right thing. Liberty. Freedom. If we stand by idly as these things are denied to much of the world, how can we call ourselves men?

All for the love of R. Dorothy Wayneright. Is it wrong to love a robot girl? Maybe. Is it wrong to love a cartoon robot girl? Probably.

Kumar: "You're worthless."
Harold: "I'm not worthwhile."

I clipped my fingernails last night and I clipped my left thumb nail too short. Ow, it's sensitive!

Learning to Love the Things You Hate
Sometimes I really find my principles in conflict with my impulses. Two examples:

Thanks to the reckless overdistribution of antibiotics, infections that were previously treatable are once again lethal. We've jump-started evolution by killing off the weak, thus encouraging the strong to be fruitful and multiply. We've created superbugs! On the one hand, it's sad that people are once again dying of consumption. On the other hand, you really have to admire Darwinism in action. The bugs were threatened with extinction and changed so that they could survive. That's awesome! So, while I don't want people to die as a result of drug-resistant infections, I find myself quietly rooting for the bugs to keep evolving, to stay one step ahead of us.

I believe in capitalism, I really do. I don't just enjoy the benefits of living in a capitalist society, I really like capitalism. The other side of that coin is my hatred for socialism. Not just Communism, I hate socialism. (Fucking Swedes.) Anywho, I also hate SUVs and the idiots who drive them. But, as a capitalist, I hasve to admire the ruthlessness with which the auto makers have marketed them and convinced people of their superior safety when, in reality, they are deathtraps. That's awesome! I hate not being able to see around those monstrosities, but I love the way Detroit duped the whole world. Caveat emptor, my friends.

Vote For Kodos - Madame Secretary
Hyperlink. Man, I have the biggest crush on Dr. Rice. Senator Biden is just upset because he wanted to be Secretary of State and Senator Kerry is upset because he really, really, really wanted to be POTUS.

Zero, One, and Seven
The numbers zero, one, and seven are very important to me. 701 is the number of all things BTW, from it's discovery inside the mechanisms of Disaster Transport to Murky Transport Disaster to the motto of Real Can of Yams, "Seven hundred and one ounces of terrible." My favorite book in all the world is The Stars My Destination. The first words of chapter one are, "He was one hundred and seventy days dying and not yet dead." Zero, one, and seven, my friends, zero, one, and seven.

I watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle last night. Holy wow, it was incredible. What's wrong with American cinema is that we don't have more movies starring John Cho and Kal Penn.

lists!

2154-2155
"Storm Front, Part I"
"Storm front, Part II"
"Home"
"Borderland"
"Cold Station 12"
"The Augments"
"The Forge"
"Awakening"
"Kir'Shara"
"Daedalus"

U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701
U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-D
Starbase Deep Space 9
U.S.S. Defiant NX-74205
U.S.S. Voyager NCC-74656
U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-E
Enterprise NX-01

Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense
Dr. Tom Manning - Director
Dr. Kate Corrigan - field operations
Hellboy - demon/Beast of the Apocalypse/bearer, Right Hand of Doom
Abraham Sapien - fishman/former human
Elizabeth Sherman - firestarter
Roger - homunculus
Johann Kraus - ectoplasmic projection
Benjamin Daimio - "Captain Zombie"

Back in the summer of 2000, my erstwhile friend and housemate Uncle Jerry acquired a steady girlfriend (now fiance) and promptly started having sex on a routine basis. He also acquired the distateful habit of marching into my room, which was off the kitchen, and proclaiming in a manner quite reminiscent of a town cryer, "I have just had sex!" Sometimes, if my door was open, he would stand in the kitchem, making himself a sandwich, and make the same boast. His favorite technique was to come in, approach for a handshake, and lean in to whisper, "I just had sex." In a word: classy.

It's not jealousy that he was having sex and I wasn't, I consider that conduct to have been reprehensible. Sexual morality is one thing, you are free to fuck whomever you want to fuck, but I cannot and will abide such unseemly braggadocio. In a related matter, I have discontinued reading a friend's. The individual in question is free to fuck whomever he/she wants to fuck, but there are things to which I will not be a party, and this is one.

Yes M!ch!gan!
On Thursday, the daytime high was in the mid-fifties, a genuine abomination. The temperature then plunged fifty degrees Fahrenheit in less than twenty-four hours. Our daytime high today is supposed to be in the mid-teens. I just changed Sam's litterbox and I can tell you it's colder than a witch's tit out there. Ah, as it should be.

First, Star Trek: Enterprise and then the premiere of Battlestar Galactica. New episodes of Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Altantis begin next week, with SG-1 at 8 p.m. opposite Enterprise. Fucking Sci Fi Channel. Sorry, chumps, the eighth season of SG-1 sucks, and Trek is still the king. Let's hope Galactica lives up to the high expectations set by the miniseries.

For more information, see my column "Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con" in The Newsletter Vol. VII, No. 6.

Why in Bog's name am I still awake?

Jumpin' Jehosephat, Lost is a great show. It's like crack, or rather, being a straight arrow/lame kid from the suburbs, it's like I would imagine crack being. In addition to everything else, it had Daniel Dae Kim, and Bog knows American television as a whole is Daniel Dae Kim deficient.

Hello, Kitty/Pug Uglies
I had about seven different dreams last night. In one of them, Sam was a pug, Tyson's size but colored like Patrick. Before anyone reads into this any lessening of my hatred for all dogs who aren't Tyson or Patrick, note that puggy Sam bit me and in so doing drew blood. The real Sam hasn't drawn my blood with a bite since the 1980s. And besides, Tyson and Patrick aren't really dogs, anyway, they are dog-monsters.

I watched Empire of Dreams tonight. I love George Lucas. I could never get away with naming a son George Lucas Wilson, could I? Of course not; George Wilson is the Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace.

"Sailing, sailing, sailing the ocean blue..."

I'm enjoying Stephen Glass's The Fabulist so much I think I shall write my first "Book Report" about it. I like it, and there are some things I think need to be said about it.

I've resolved a minor but irritating problem in In Search of the Perfect Lesbian. Parker Peppard's girlfriend. Should Parker have a girlfriend? (Probably, since neither Pete nor Scipio do and it seems at least one of the boys should.) Who is this girl? A Canadian named Rachel? A Swiss miss named Sussi? No, my friends, to conquer the heart of Parker Ferdinand Peppard, only one sort of girl will do. Brandy McQuarters, a belle of Texas, tall and blonde and sweet, and smart enough to know she can't compete with Parker's affection for Mary Cannibal.

Prussia or Russia? Preview or review? Prevenge or revenge? Psalm or... salm?

Finally, a NASA mission that strikes the perfect balance between science and destruction.

"Good news, everyone!" NPR's Daniel Schorr thinks Dan Rather bears no responsibility at all for the forged memos debacle. I'd agree if Rather had declared, "Hey, don't blame me, I'm just a new reader." But no, The Dan still claims to be a journalist.

Speaking of the two Dans, I recently learned that President Nixon did not have an actual enemies list. I find this very disappointing. To wit:

Mike Wilson's Enemies List
Mike Wilson (the dark bastard)
Rick Wilson

Honestly, one of my problems is that I have so few enemies left. With the exception of Meine Vater, with whom I'll be locked in combat until one of us is dead, I have defeated or left behind all of my old enemies: Sean Dale, Mrs. Kozad, Uncle Jerry, Captain Obvious and the Idiot Brigade. All have been neutralized and pose no further threat. Some would say it's good to have no enemies, but I find talking to those people in no way worthwhile. A man needs enemies, victories to win, defeats to overcome, a struggle to make life more lively. Anyone want to be my enemy? I promise to crush you. Any takers?

The Queue
Alan Dershowitz, The Case for Israel
Michael Ledeen, Freedom Betrayed
Mona Charen, Useful Idiots
Tobias Wolff, The Barracks Thief
Stephen Glass, The Fabulist *in progress*
Keith Bradsher, High and Mighty
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe, and Everything
Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Douglas Adams, "Young Zaphod Plays It Safe"
Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
Robert Louis Stevenson, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Bram Stoker, Dracula
Leslie Charteris, "Dammit, Mike, check some of his books out of the library!"

Boy howdy, do I love books.

M2K4... M2K5!
NASA rules! My excitment was prompted by both the Spirit and Opportunity Mars rovers still operating after a full year on the surface of the Red Planet. A year! Sweet mercy, these things were designed to operate for 90 days. 90 days, and they are still running on all cylinders after 360 days. Wow! Huzzah for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration! "Science!"

I love that Iraqis living in Jordan will be able to vote in January 30's elections, as will Iraqis living in Syria. Of course, Jordanians living in Jordan and Syrians living in Syria won't have the chance to vote in their own countries or for their own leaders any time in the foreseeable future. Still, I rejoice that democracy does appear to be on the march. Today Afghanistan, tomorrow Iraq, the day after that... the world? Fingers crossed.

I love that heads rolled at CBS over the forged memos. I disagree with those who say Dan Rather should have been fired. The man has been the face of CBS News for over two decades. His prestige has made millions upon millions of dollars for CBS over those years, and he has already anounced his retirement in March. Yes, his conduct in this whole affair was disgraceful, but his reputation has already been tarnished. Let the man retire on his own schedule and with a shred of dignity.

At the same time, "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" Seriously, read Bernard Goldberg's books Bias and Arrogance. The forged memos story and scandal were practically scripted in his books. He's both the Martin Luther and Nostradamus of American journalism.

Vote For Kodos
Shortly after Election Day, I was listening to The Diane Rehm Show and heard a caller accuse, in a polite and friendly manner, Mrs. Rehm of having a liberal bias. Mrs. Rehm replied that of course she had a liberal bias, as long as one defined "liberal" to mean open to all points of view and willing to consider any reasonable proposal. One of the sections of a personal profile on Friendster.com is "Who I Want to Meet." As I have explored by second- and third-degree connections, I have encountered "Not Republicans" listed quite frequently in the aforementioned catagory. I suppose at this point I qualify as confused. From the rest of the information gleaned from the profiles of these people, it is safe to assume that a number of them would best be described as liberals. Yet, they find it reasonable to renounce en masse associations with any and all Republicans with whom they are not previously acquainted. Perhaps the failure is one of imagination, and therefore mine, but I cannot make this round peg fit into the square hole of Mrs. Rehm's definition of liberalism. I can only then assume that though liberals sincerely wish it to be true, they are in fact not the open-minded, tolerant people they imagine themselves to be. You could say that statement is a harsh oversimplification, but before you do, please consider this: I am neither a liberal nor a conservative, though my political allegiance is to the Right. I would estimate that a small majority of my friends are Democratic voters; furthermore, I would never entertain the suggestion of typing "Not Democrats" under "Who I Want to Meet."

If you are less open-minded and fair than I, much maligned as inflexible and incapable of admitting error or suffering disagreement, then perhaps you should take a moment to pause and reflect on how truly tolerant or intolerant you may be. Are you more intolerant that The Last Angry Man?

This is a serious matter that deserves your attention and consideration. The IDF officers involved find themselves on the opposite end of the political spectrum from the "refuseniks" who refuse to serve in the West Bank and Gaza Strip, but practicing the same disturbing behavior. Simply put, if military personnel refuse to execute the orders given to them by their civilian superiors, democracy as we know it cannot survive. Even if the directives of the civilian authoritites are ludicrous (take for example President Johnson and Defense Secretary McNamara personally picking the individual target and payload for every sortie over North Vietnam), soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines must either execute their orders or resign in protest. When an officer refuses an order, the civilian government is no longer in control of its military. There is more than a little truth in Tennyson's words, here quoted without irony:

"Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die."

Hello, Kitty
I'm kind of worried. On the one hand, Sam is eating voraciously. Surely this is an improvement over the week prior to Christmas, during which he hardly ate a thing. But, I'm now changing his litter box every other day. The food seems to be running right through him. Hmmmm. I shall have to consult the veterinarian, see what there is to be seen. Hang in there, Sammy.

I'm thinking of changing comic book shops. Laugh if you must, but this could be a big deal. I've had my pulls at the Underworld since I started reading comics in the summer of 2000. I "grew up" there.

Revenge of the Sith... so close now... so close....

Empire of Pictus
Imperial Watch
--Legions
--Squadrons
--Self-Defense Forces (formerly of the Rynlander Presidium)
--Pethlo Guard
--Hsi Horrors
--Knights Jurai
--Royal Guard

Otrosi League
Army of the League

Royal Akari Confederation
Royal Pilots Corps

Rynoran Republic
The Regiments
Home Defense Forces

Aeloosian Federation
Planetary Corps

Sur'ka Directorate
privateers

Sovereignty of the Spada
Royal Space Navy

Union of Democracy and Freedom
Star Service

defunct states
Tehl Larian Autocracy
Autocrat's Guard
Autocratic Domination Forces
--Enkari Janissaries
--Otrosi Janissaries
--Batay Janissaries

Royallian People's State*
People's Armed Front of the Revolution

*later the Rynlander Presidium, then admitted into the Empire of Pictus

I am a wretched creature. There is something horrible inside of me, a dark and terrible thing. When I lose my temper and make unimaginably cruel utterances (and what's worse, when I mean them), that's my true face. Everything good inside me comes from the Almighty. Every kind and charitable impulse comes from Him killing a small part of the monster inside me. As such, my very favorite words in Mass come during the preparation of gifts, when the bread and wine are transubstantiated into the Body and Blood of Christ:

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."

And I shall be healed.

Vote For Kodos - The Sons of Ishmael
Who do you think is going to be elected president of the Palestinian Authority, the terrorist or the other terrorist? Hyperlink. The most likely new Palestinian leader is Mahmoud Abbas, a.k.a. Abu Mazen. Yes, he's better than Yasser Arafet, but we must bear in mind that just last week Abbas denounced the State of Israel as the "Zionist enemy." Mr. Abbas has also, at various points in his career, denied that the Holocaust ever happened. Just so you know with whom the Israelis will be negotiating.

Last night, I had dinner and saw two movies with the Sardine. At dinner, we briefly talked about breast augmentation and why even large breasted girls like Sardine think about getting it. Perhaps I am so unlucky in love because I have never understood why every girl in the fucking world is so terribly insecure. Not only do I not understand it, I have no tolerance for it, either. Bog below, get some self-esteem!

(The preceeding rant was not directed toward any one particular individual, but the daughters of Eve as a whole.)

How to explain my inexplicable silence? I've had bigger fish to fry, amigos, bigger fish to fry.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
While there is almost a full half of football left to play, I feel confident in saying that for the second year in a row, Oklahoma has demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that they do not belong in the national championship game. Last year's Sugar Bowl should have been played between LSU and USC. This year's Orange Bowl clearly should have been played between USC and Auburn. Now Auburn is left high and dry, 13-0 and almost certain to be denied even a little share of the national championship, while Oklahoma has once again squandered an opportunity they didn't deserve. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I love this. I never thought I'd be so happy to see Southern Cal win.

Make no mistake, as a Michigan alumnus I hate USC (we have lost six or seven thousand Rose Bowls to them). But, like the animosity I feel for Ohio State, that hatred is accompanied by respect. By way of contrast, every time I see Bob Stoops I devoutly wish he was bleeding from his eyes.

The BCS and Oklahoma are perfect companions: both are buried up to their eyes in bullshit. Go Trojans!

My DVD Collection
Yet more proof that I'm better than you. American movies first, then television series, and finally anime.

About a Boy
The Beast
Bend It Like Beckham
Black Hawk Down
A Bug's Life
Casablanca
Crimson Tide
Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Donnie Darko
The Fifth Element
Fight Club
Finding Nemo
The Flight of the Phoenix
Garden State
Hellboy (3 discs, The Director's Cut)
The Adventures of Indiana Jones
--Raiders of the Lost Ark
--Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
--Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
--Indiana Jones Bonus Material
Jaws
Josie and the Pussycats
Miracle
Monsters, Inc.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Panic Room
Personal Velocity
The Royal Tenenbaums
Rushmore
SLC Punk
Spider-Man
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (The Director's Edition)
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (The Director's Edition)
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
Star Trek Generations
Star Trek: Nemesis
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Star Wars Trilogy
--Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
--Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
--Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
--Star Wars Bonus Material
Strange Brew
This is Spinal Tap
Toy Story
Toy Story 2
UHF
Unbreakable
Van Wilder
Waiting For Guffman
We Were Soldiers

*****

Freaks and Geeks The Complete Series
Futurama Volume 1
Futurama Volume 2
Futurama Volume 3
Futurama Volume 4
Invader Zim: Doom Doom Doom vol. 1
Invader Zim: Progressive Stupidity vol. 2
Invader Zim: Horrible Holiday Cheer vol. 3
The Office The Complete First Series
The Office The Complete Second Series
The Office Special
Samurai Jack Season 1
Space Ghost: Coast to Coast Volume One
Sports Night The Complete Series Plus Pilot Episode
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 1
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 2
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 3
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 4
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 5
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 6
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 7

*****

The Big O Volume One
The Big O Volume Two
The Big O Volume Three
The Big O Volume Four
Cowboy Bebop 1st Session
Cowboy Bebop 2nd Session
Cowboy Bebop 3rd Session
Cowboy Bebop 4th Session
Cowboy Bebop 5th Session
Cowboy Bebop 6th Session
Cowboy Bebop: Knockin' on Heaven's Door (a.k.a. The Movie)
FLCL vol. 1
FLCL vol. 2
FLCL vol. 3
Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team vol. 1
Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team vol. 2
Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team vol. 3
Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team vol. 4
Love Hina vol. 1
Love Hina Christmas Movie
Love Hina Spring Movie
Love Hina Again

All strong. All brave. All heroes.

Vote For Kodos - Moral Superiority
The United States has been accused by a United Nations official of being stingy with aid in the aftermath of the Indian Ocean tsunami. This despire the financial and military power fo the United States being brought to bear, and the significantly smaller contributions made my other nations and supranational organizations. Things to consider:

Sandra Bullock Population: 1 person; Pledged aid: $1,000,000
= $1,000,000 per person

The United States of America Population: 295,000,000 people; Pledged aid: $350,000,000
= $1.19 per person

The European Union Population: 457,000,000; Pledged aid: $30,000,000
= $0.07 per person

Hurray for European moral superiority, eh?

For most of the month of December, Blogger was working fairly well. Nice to know that in 2005 those cuntrags at Pyra Labs have gone back to running an utterly inept operation. I hope you die, you motherfuckers, but only after sufferly greatly.

The Mountain is gone and the Christmas decorations have been put away. I've never understood how people can get depressed around the holidays, but I certainly empathize with anyone who, like me, gets depressed after the New Year. *sigh* Don't cry for me, Argentina.

Next topic!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
It was nice to see us carry on the time-honored Michigan tradition of losing the Rose Bowl. Bo must be so proud. Dammit dammit dammit. Unless we make some major changes on defense and figure out how to stop mobiule quarterbacks, we are going to get embarrassed by the mobile quarterbacks of both Michigan State and Ohio State. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but we're really going to miss Braylon Edwards on offense next year. I like both Avant and Breaston, but one of them is going to have to step up and fill Edwards's shoes in catching the fade. As for the defense... we're really going to be leaning on the offense next season.

Go Honoluly Blue!
Finishing the year at 6-10, the Lions improved on last season's 5-11 record, but also underachieved preseason expectations by two games. Charles Rogers missed most of last year hurt, we had not yet drafted Roy Williams, and we had no running game; we were lucky to go 5-11. This year, still without Rogers, but with Williams ar receiver and Kevin Jones in the back field, I really feel this team had the talent to be better than 6-10, especially given that in a just world they would have lost their last divisional game against Chicago and thus finished 5-11. Steve Mariucci CANNOT continue to run the offense and manage the team as a whole; he needs to hire an independent offensive coordinator or assistant head coach or something. And I'm pissed off that Dre Bly was named to the Pro Bowl, since he had a miserable year and didn't look half as good as he did last year.

There may of course be inaccuracies, especially omissions. I like lists!

Hellboy: Seed of Destruction no. 1
Hellboy: Seed of Destruction no. 2
Hellboy: Seed of Destruction no. 3
Hellboy: Seed of Destruction no. 4
Hellboy: The Wolves of Saint August
Hellboy: Wake the Devil no. 1
Hellboy: Wake the Devil no. 2
Hellboy: Wake the Devil no. 3
Hellboy: Wake the Devil no. 4
Hellboy: Wake the Devil no. 5
Hellboy: The Corpse and the Iron Shoes
Hellboy: Almost Colossus no. 1
Hellboy: Almost Colossus no. 2
Abe Sapien: Drums of the Dead, featuring the back-up "Heads"
Hellboy: Box Full of Evil no. 1, featuring the back-up "The Killer in My Skull"
Hellboy: Box Full of Evil no. 2, featuring the back-up "Abe Sapien Versus Science"
Hellboy: Conqueror Worm no. 1
Hellboy: Conqueror Worm no. 2
Hellboy: Conqueror Worm no. 3
Hellboy: Conqueror Worm no. 4
Hellboy: Conqueror Worm no. 5
B.P.R.D.: Hollow Earth no. 1
B.P.R.D.: Hollow Earth no. 2
B.P.R.D.: Hollow Earth no. 3
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 1
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 2
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 3
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 4
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 5
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 6
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 7
Hellboy: Weird Tales no. 8
B.P.R.D.: The Soul of Venice
B.P.R.D.: Dark Waters
B.P.R.D.: Night Train
B.P.R.D.: There's Something Under My Bed
B.P.R.D.: Plague of Frogs no. 1
B.P.R.D.: Plague of Frogs no. 2
B.P.R.D.: Plague of Frogs no. 3
B.P.R.D.: Plague of Frogs no. 4
B.P.R.D.: Plague of Frogs no. 5
B.P.R.D.: The Dead no. 1
B.P.R.D.: The Dead no. 2 (more to come)