The Iraqi people have voted. Woot! Let the counting begin! Man, I can't wait to see what kind of a constitution the Transitional National Assembly comes up with. President Jimmy has said that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is the Iraqi equivalent of our Founding Fathers; that's an odd statement even for Jimmy, since Zarqawi is Jordanian, not Iraqi. (President Jimmy is the personification of "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.") I can't wait to see who will be the real Iraqi James Madison.

Name Dropping
I was at The Palace on Wednesday for a Pistons game. Once again, the grotesqueness of man compelled me to feel sympathy for that musical abomination commonly known as Kid Rock. People all but shoved each other aside for the opportunity to touch him, get his autograph, wrap a meaty arm around him and have a picture taken with a cellular phone. If I live for a thousand thousand years, I shall never understand the impulse. But this day, fortune smiled on me; the celebrity in question was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the words "Kid Rock" written across the chest. Dude. Unless you are a spandex-clad superhero, you may not have your name written across your chest. Ye gods. I hope more slobbering, dull-eyed twats haunt his every waking moment. I hope he never again experiences a moment of public privacy. I feel about him the way I did before the madding crowd ever inspired my sympathy. So, my thanks to you, Kid Rock, for being every bit as vile as I had unfairly assumed you to be.

*** ATTENTION MOUNTAIN OF LOVE - Episode III SPOILER ALERT! ***
Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Darth Sidious (Senator Palpatine)
Darth Maul
Viceroy Nute Gunray

Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Darth Sidious (Chancellor Palpatine)
Darth Tyranus (Count Dooku)
Jango Fett
Separatist leaders (Trade Federation, I.G. Banking Clan, et al.)

Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Darth Sidious (Chancellor Palpatine)
Darth Tryanus (Count Dooku)
General Grievous
Anakin Skywalker

Episode IV - A New Hope
Darth Vader (Anakin Skywalker)
Grand Moff Tarkin

Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Darth Sidious (Emperor Palpatine)
Darth Vader (Anakin Skywalker)
Boba Fett

Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
Darth Sidious (Emperor Palpatine)
Darth Vader (Anakin Skywalker)
Jabba the Hutt
*** ATTENTION MOUNTAIN OF LOVE - Episode III SPOILER ALERT! ***

May 19, 2005, six years to the day after the release of The Phantom Menace. This is going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me.