Hello, my name is Michael Patrick Wilson. In my head, I call myself Mike. I am an American, a Catholic, a democract, a Republican, a capitalist, a Zionist, a prude, a liberal, a Star Wars fanatic, a Trekkie, a fanboy, an otaku, a Michigander, a fat guy, an old ska kid, and a virgin. I am The Last Angry Man, Michael P., the SKP Machine, and the sole member of the Rebel Black Dot Society. I owned and named Michael Patrick Donut Shark. I am the master and commander of the legendary Mousemobile.

I say this not as I usually would, as a challenge, but as an invitation: who are you?