The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Mustard Plug, "Miss Michigan" from Evil Doers Beware! (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I make no pretense of objectivity, I love Mustard Plug, I love that they are from Michigan, and I love almost any reference to the Lower Peninsula's cosmically spooky mitten shape. For my money, "Miss Michigan" is the best song ever written about masturbation. You're heard the rest, now hear the best!



"I went out with a girl just a little while,
And I loved her so, but she cramped my style
'Cause every time I'd reach she'd turn away,
And every time I'd call she'd turn and say,
'I'm sorry Dave, I got no time, I've got my life, my life is mine.'
So after a year or maybe more,
I finally found the clue, and I found the door.

I've done it before and I'll do it again,
I've seen the path and I've seen its end,
I've said it before and I'll say it again
I think I'm better off just dating Miss Michigan!

A single man is what I am,
And I'll play the field, do what I can,
If I meet a girl, she seems alright,
Say hello and spend the night,
Next thing you know she's at my door,
And she's calling my house about every hour,
I know it's my fault, 'cause I set my own trap,
But all I want now is my solitude back.

I've done it before and I'll do it again,
I've seen the path and I've seen its end,
I've said it before and I'll say it again
I think I'm better off just dating Miss Michigan!

Oh baby, I know you're the one for me.
When other girls treat me bad, you're always by my side.
Sugar, no one could ever take your place,
'Cause you got everything I need.
Aw yeah, honey, you're the one for me,
Hands down!

So I meet a girl I know is right,
She's got it all, she's just my type,
So I take it slow, and I show her I'm real,
And I treat her right, show her how I feel.
Next thing you know I'm so in love,
And it's only her that I'm thinking of,
But I was such a fool I can see today,
Should have known from the start that the girl was gay.

I've done it before and I'll do it again,
I've seen the path and I've seen its end,
I've said it before and I'll say it again
I think I'm better off just dating Miss Michigan!"

And thus concludes our series of R.B.D.S.O.T.D. about masturbating/jerking off/spanking the monkey/(insert your preferred euphemism here). Thank you for your tolerance with the lewdness and vulgarity. The morrow brings Ash Wednesday and the holy season of Lent, culminating in the holiest days of the whole year, Good Friday and Easter. May we all, this wretched sinner most especially, take full advantage of the season to more devotedly and earnestly imitate the Christ.