Project MERCATOR: Jonesin'
Yours truly attended the "first bonfire of the year" last night, bring as my contributions a four-pack of Jones Cream Soda & a can o' Pringles. My attempts to share the Pringles were politely declined, which I did not mind one bit. The Joneses, too, I shared, though only one was taken. I drank two whilst sitting round the fire pit and a third once I returned home.

My first fortune, read aloud by firelight with some difficulty: "Call an old friend." In this I was thwarted by The Cowgirl, who insisted I ring her mobile. I explained that we'd been friends for less than a year, hardly satisfying the "old friend" requirement, but she'd hear none of it. I called her mobile while standing mere feet from her, and due to the remoteness of our location suffered rather a poor connection throughout our brief conversation. After the fact, I quite enjoyed the ridiculousness of what had occurred.

My second fortune: "You just helped save a child's eyesight. Thank you." Prompting me to ejaculate, "Damn it!" To the rightly confused looks that greeted this strange remark, I read the non-fortune aloud and explained that while I am greatly in favor helping to save children's eyesight, when I read my Jones fortune I expect a it to be just that, a fortune. Or, like the above, an exhortation. I regard this as thoroughly reasonable on my part.

My third fortune, the one unscrewed at home: "Fun and excitement will soon be yours." That's more like it!

The fourth fortune, the one unscrewed by someone else—a churl named Armen, I believe—is quite another matter. Superstition is a sin and I do not believe that the fortunes under Jones bottle caps are in any way fortunes, nor is there any such thing as fortune-telling (though divinely-inspired prophecy as recorded in Scripture is of course real), but who doesn't like a little bit of silly fun now and again? And if that fun takes the form of an almost Stuart Smalley-style daily affirmation or the winking promise of better days ahead? So much the better.

Now, I did not open the bottle of Jones to which this fortune's cap belonged, but a Jones fortune abandoned is like a birthday wish not kept secret: null and void. My hope, then, is that by salvaging the bottle cap when I washed out the bottle in preparation for returning it for Michigan's fat (& phat) deposit of 10¢ per bottle, I might lay claim to at least some portion of the fortune's promise. Here's hoping: "You will find much fulfillment with someone special very soon."

And you knew this was coming:

A short skirt,
A Gimmes shirt,
A Jones Soda,
Ain't life grand?

Coming Attractions
I shall have to devise a name for the Spring that saw a homebody like me on the road for five out of the last seven weekends. 'Twas a grand old time, but taxing when conjoined with the usual rigors of an academic semester. Oddly enough, while enjoying this weekend at home, including helping out with The Squeak, I rather regularly wondered what adventures I might be having were I elsewhere. But, for the nonce, The Secret Base as in dire need of some serious attention.

"This Week in Motorsport" - The first four rounds of the 2010 World Championship, grands prix in Bahrain, Australia, Malaysia, & China; plus, "By endurance we conquer," the 12 Hours of Sebring & I can't wait for the 24 Heures du Mans.

"Master Debating" - Arizona, M.I.S.L., Colorado, & the rise of "Big Mac"

"Project MERCATOR" - The Last Angry Man in The Big Apple

"The Banzai Beard Bonanza II: Bonsai's Revenge" - Success upon success, beyond my most reckless hopes! And a renaming of the follow-on Massive Moustache Mistake.

"Project PANDORA" - Past (The Sardine), Present (The Impossible Ingenue), & Future (eerie that when I met her I was reading From Russia, with Love)!

All this & more! Thank you for reading.

This Week in Motorsport
Behold! The Lotus T127, the first Lotus to compete in the Formula One World Championship since the original Team Lotus gave up the ghost in '94. Any car would be gorgeous in the famous green & yellow livery, but isn't that one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen?



Formula fun!