The Victors | Project MERCATOR
Have I mentioned how much I hate night games? The valiant Wolverines play the unwelcome Cornhuskers this evening, the game not kicking-off 'til 8:00 P.M. Across town, The Loose Ties are playing at The Flint Local 432, an album-release show for their first full-length offering, Champ of the Week. I'd not have to miss any portion of a noon or mid-afternoon game to go to the Local. Bo Schembechler hated night games, & so do I. College football games should be played at noon.

Project GLOWWORM
In the two years since I've sported my whiskers post-Banzai Beard Bonanza II: Bonsai's Revenge & Magnificent Moustache Malarkey, I have shaved more regularly than I ever did in all the years before. I shave my cheeks an average of more than six out of every seven days. (The hair on my cheeks is the worst of all worlds, too sparse to provide any actual coverage, but too numerous to ignore. Not only are they unsightly, but they snare the flying wings of my handlebar moustache.) I shave regularly, & thus I regularly use aftershave. I exhausted my supply of Kiehl's Men's Alcohol-free Herbal Toner this morning. I began using Kiehl's many years ago, when Mrs. Skeeter, esq. gifted me a bottle, claiming I was, "too young to be using Old Spice." I have always been satisfied with the Men's Alcohol-free Herbal Toner, & enjoyed being "in the know" when Kiehl's products were mentioned on an episode of Gilmore Girls. I've received a bottle of Men's Alcohol-free Herbal Toner as a semi-regular Christmas gift, though I've course I've not needed a new bottle for a couple years now, my cheeks requiring only a small splash, a dab really. Nonetheless, the time has come to give Old Spice a try. Why? I'm not so young anymore. I am intrigued by the mild sting that comes from using Old Spice, which I remember fondly. Also, I applaud any company that hires Bruce Campbell as a spokesman, however briefly. Do I really need a reason? Is it not sufficient simply to want to use Old Spice, at least temporarily? I've purchased a small bottle of Old Spice & from tomorrow I shall be using it as my daily aftershave.



The first tangible fruits of Operation ÖSTERREICH are ill-fitting clothes. The collars of some of my shirts are hanging loose, loose enough to reveal the T-shirt underneath (I've still not bothered to acquire a few experimental V-necks, though I know I should.); I need to have both of my newest suits taken in, both the pants & the coats; & I'm now able to wear a short-sleeved shirt that previously did not quite button over my belly. As mentioned many times before, my belts are swiftly running out of holes, & are now more essential than ever to keeping my trousers about my waist. Please do not think that I am complaining—these are exactly the problems I want to have—I'm merely cataloging.

The Rebel Black Dot Hallowe'en Song of the Day
Spike Jones & His City Slickers,"My Old Flame" from The Spike Jones Anthology (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Spike & the boys play "My Old Flame" straight for the first minute, but then the sirens wail & all heck breaks loose, after which the song is resumed as a spoken word piece, as if performed by Peter Lorre.

"My old flame,
I can't even think of her name,
(I'll have to look through my collection of human heads.)
But it's funny now & then,
How my thoughts go flashing back again
To my old flame.

"My old flame,
My—my new lovers all seem so tame,
(They—they won't even let me strangle them!)
For I haven't met a girl
So magnificent or elegant
As my old flame.

"I—I—I've met so many who had fascinating ways,
A fascinating gaze in their eye
(I saw the sigh! So I removed the other eye,
That eye that kept winking & blinking at other men,
It was make—I was—it—it was—)
Some who took me up to the skies,
But their attempts at love
Were only imitations of—

"My old flame,
I—I can't even think of her name
(What—what—what was her name?
Doris, Laura, Chloe, Manny, Moe, Jack?
No, it couldn't have been Moe.
I can't stand it, I tell you,
This is driving me sane!)
She would always treat me mean,
So I poured a can of gasoline,
And struck a match to,
My old flame."