Happy NARWHAL DAY, Cruel World!
As you all know, May 23 is Narwhal Day, a day of celebration and sympathy for the narwhal, nature's most misbegotten creature. There are three vital components to celebrating Narwhal Day. a) Listen to the song "Sympathy for the Narwhal" by DJ Seaghost. b) Wear at least one article of gray clothing, in my case my custom-made "NARWHAL" T-shirt. c) Take the Oath. To wit:

"The Oath of Narwhal Day"

The narwhal is a noble, pitiable creature,
A magnificent, monstrous visage.
An asymmetrical tooth for a horn,
Or sometimes two, or sometimes none,
Half again as long as the beast.

I swear my sympathy for the narwhal.
I will not lie and convince it all is well,
But I will be a friend to the narwhal.
The mocking dolphins and snobby manatees
Will get their well-earned comeuppance,
And the narwhal will frolic all day.

I dream this dream of the narwhal
And celebrate it in all its improbable, oddball glory,
On this the fifth Narwhal Day.