The Rebel Black Dot Song of Valentine's Day
Nerf Herder, "Doin' Laundry" from Short Music for Short People (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I thought about R.B.F.'s "Suckers," which has shockingly never been a Song of the Day, neither Rebel Black Dot nor B.T.W. South, with its classic refrain of "This one's for all the suckers who still believe in love, this one's for you," but I've been sitting on "Doin' Laundry" for months, just waiting for the chance to use it on Valentine's Day (which is an entirely ungodly and distinct phenomenon from the Feast of Saint Valentine). Because, really, lewd gratification, not romantic love, is the heart of our crass and soulless Valentine's Day ritual here in 21st century America. So, let's just be honest about it. Take it away, Nerf Herder:

"Knee-high!
Argyle!
Tube!

I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock last night,
I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock!
I was thinking of you,
I wish I had more than two,
'Cause I didn't have anything else to do,
I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock!"

Be my anti-Valentine.