Credit where credit is due, The 5 Love Languages for Men does help to explain, ex postfacto, why my reluctant romance with Miss Mozart was, or at least seemed, doomed from the start. According to my Five Love Languages Profile, my primary "love language" is "Quality Time," with "Acts of Service" my secondary. Miss Mozart has lamented repeatedly that I never gave our romance a fair chance upon her return to Michigan, that I was only comfortable when she was still distant in California. I replied that we spent five nights & five days in each other's company, driving her motorcar & possessions across the North American landmass to move her back to sacred Michigan; that that massive amount of virtually uninterrupted time together taught us a good deal about each other & represented far more time than we could have spent together even upon her arrival in Michigan, which finds her living three hours away on the west side, almost to the Indiana border. Miss Mozart insists that that time "doesn't count," an insult that cuts me to the quick. I gave up a week of my life to help her move home, setting aside church, family, & work obligations to help her escape from her own Babylonian Captivity, & that "doesn't count" as time spent together? I don't need her gratitude, but to be told that so much quality time together & such an extended, extraordinary act of service counts for less than nothing is more than I can stand, especially from someone who wants an intimate romantic connection.
Furthermore, the available observational evidence suggests that "Gift Giving" is Miss Mozart's primary "love language." Early on in our romance, she requested a gift from me, nothing lavish or costly, but something with apparent sentimental worth: one of my old T-shirts. It was specifically to be well-worn, even beaten up, something I'd used extensively. I found this exceedingly puzzling, but complied. (I was trying my best to be the boyfriend she needed me to be, despite her claims that I never really tried at all.) I selected a shirt, packaged it up, & mailed it off to her; she received it with much apparent warmth & thanks. After I ended our romance, she returned the shirt to me, claimed that I'd said I wanted it to be returned should I be accepted into the seminary. I have no recollection of saying anything of the sort & such is entirely contrary to my sentiments regarding the shirt, which I supposed without any regret when I mailed it that I would never see it again except on Miss Mozart's figure, but for not one second do I doubt her sincerity. No harm, no foul; our wires were crossed, simple as that. All of this is just setup to what is from my perspective a puzzling inconsistency. Unsolicited, I gave Miss Mozart another gift, a well-worn St. Christopher prayer card that I'd prayed with innumerable times in the Lumi. When I received the Malibu Stacy from my grandmother I discovered that she'd kept an identical prayer card in that car, even more well-worn & beaten up than mine from the Lumi. I'd retired the original St. Christopher card, but dug it out of my collection of prayer cards to gift it to Miss Mozart, a token of my affection & my earnest desire that she enjoy God's protection in all her travels. To me, this seemed entirely in keeping with the gift of the old T-shirt, but Miss Mozart received it quite differently. After the end of the affair, she told me she'd been insulted by the gift of the prayer card, that it was a cast-off I was giving her only because I had a replacement. Given her specific request that the T-shirt be old & worn, & I as understood it that I was gifting it to her in perpetuity, never to be seen again, I reasoned the sun-drenched condition of the prayer card was a bonus, that it would possess far more sentimental value than something purchased specifically to be given away. The prayer card meant a lot more to me than the T-shirt, but she loved the T-shirt & was insulted by the prayer card. Not just disappointed, but insulted. I've no clue how to "speak" her "love language."
Is all of this supposed analysis just confirmation bias on my part? Could be, I won't claim to be beyond such biases, but by this point the question seems moot. The affair is ended. Whatever the cause, whomever is to blame, it is what it is.
I've jumped How God Hauled Me Kicking and Screaming into the Catholic Church to the top of the queue, to the "Currently" division, because my pal, Deacon Ken, has encouraged me to give away several copies to kith & kin who have fallen away from the Church & whose return I ardently desire. Based on last fall's (2016) Called by Name diocesan assembly, I've limited my evangelization of these folks to prayer & fasting, trying in the assembly's words to be a St. Monica [27 August] instead of a St. Ambrose [7 December]: Monica, the mother of the bishop & Doctor of the Church St. Augustine [28 August], prayed & fasted for her son's conversion, a conversion that was not effected until he met his intellectual equal in Ambrose, the bishop of Milan. To often with our kith & kin, we saints hector & badger, potentially doing more harm than good, when what we should do is pray & fast, as St. Monica did, asking the LORD to bringing into the lives of our loved one the St. Ambrose they need, whomever he or she might be. That is well & good, & I pray every day (fasting is not yet one of my strong suits; see: Operation ÖSTERREICH), but it's been on my heart to do more, & this book in particular called to me. However, the contretemps with The 5 Love Languages for Men has taught me not to give—unbidden, that is; requested birthday & Christmas presents are a horse of a different color—a book that I have not myself read, a book for which I am unable or unwilling to vouch. So, a Kicking and Screaming we go.
Recently
Fulton Sheen, Finding True Happiness
Edward Sri & Curtis Martin, The Real Story: Understanding the Big Picture of the Bible
Gary Chapman with Randy Southern, The 5 Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great
Currently
Kevin Lowry, How God Hauled Me Kicking and Screaming into the Catholic Church
Presently
Norman Davies, Vanished Kingdoms: The Rise and Fall of States and Nations ***paused***
Eugene Hausmann, Catholics Go by the Bible: Biblical Sources of Catholic Theology & Liturgy
Matthew Kelly, Perfectly Yourself: Discovering God's Dream for You
Sherry A. Weddell, Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus
William E. Simon Jr., Great Catholic Parishes: How Four Essential Practices Make Them Thrive
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ
Bishop Robert Barron, Seeds of the Word: Finding God in the Culture
Mike Aquilina, Understanding the Mass: 100 Questions, 100 Answers
Scott & Kimberly Hahn, Rome Sweet Home: Our Journey to Catholicism
Xavier Rynne, Vatican Council II
John W. O'Malley, What Happened at Vatican II
Pope Benedict XVI, Deus Caritas Est (God Is Love)
Pope Benedict XVI, Sacramentum Caritatis (The Sacrament of Charity)
Richard Price, Clockers
Sir Richard Francis Burton, translator, "Sinbad the Sailor" from The Arabian Nights
Sir Ernest Shackleton, South: A Memoir of the Endurance Voyage
William F. Buckley Jr., The Unmaking of a Mayor
Margaret MacMillan, Paris 1919: Six Months That Changed the World
John le Carré, A Legacy of Spies
No comments:
Post a Comment