Project PANDORA: The Other Woman Returns
Thursday night/Friday morning, I last remembered seeing my bedside alarm clock displaying the time 1:00 A.M. I must have fallen asleep, as I'd planned, because it seemed as if no time had passed before I awoke with a start to find the time displayed as 1:43. My mobile phone was buzzing and the exterior screen was illuminated, the heralds of the arrival of a text message. I rolled over and reached all the way to the far side of the nightstand where the mobile rests and recharges, clutched the now-darkened phone, and opened the variable geometry screen to the text messaging configuration. The text message was from the Other Woman, the last girl I kissed. (A refresher, which was to me a rueful reminder that, curse my bones, I'd never written and published the second and, 'twas thought, concluding episode of "Project PANDORA: The Other Woman": Wayback Machine.)

The ensuing discourse cast doubt on whether the Other Woman had sent the opening text; her mobile might well have been seized and used by one of her companions, as on Friday morning an inquiry to The Cowgirl, the Other Woman's hometown chum, revealed that quite a few of their old high school gang had gotten together on Thursday evening, with much imbibing. The Other Woman's much more fun older sister might well have had a hand in this, though that's pure supposition. (The more fun older sister is homosexual, rendering her useless for PANDORA's purposes, and desperately lusts after The Most Dangerous Game.) Nevertheless, the bulk of the ensuing exchange was clearly with the the timid, fragile personage of the Other Woman. The transcript, with every typographical error faithfully reproduced.

(sic)

O.W.: "Im so horny and drunk"

T.L.A.M.: "Okay. How might I be of service?"

O.W.: "Serrvice for what?"

T.L.A.M.: "In whatever capacity was your intention when you sent your first text."

O.W.: "What was my first text? And remind me why you never callled me after our date?"

T.L.A.M.: "Your first text of the evening, (sic) 'Im so horny and drunk' I suppose I didn't call because it seemed at the time as if you didn't have any time for me."

"If I was mistaken in my judgment, I do apologize. Let me know if you ever wish to give it a second go."

O.W.: "Yeah the biggest competition in theatre will do that to ya. Anyway sooo what ya doin now?"

T.L.A.M.: "At the moment, I am lying in bed, but it seems as if I'm awake now. So, any interest in my calling you now that the biggest competition in theatre is past?"

O.W.: "Well yes its past but i am leaving for an internship in sd on the 10th. As usual you have perfict timing"

T.L.A.M.: "Well, you texted me tonight, Sam; so, I'd say we have bad timing together. It's not all me. =) South Dakota? I thought you'd disliked your previous time there."

O.W.: "(1/2) I did but the people were nice and i thought that it would help with my career. I have to admit you kinda scared me off at the torch, but i got bussy and"

"(2/2) you never called"

T.L.A.M.: "I'm sorry if I 'scared you off at The Torch,' I was rather left with the impression that you would prefer I not call you anymore after that. I was mistaken?"

O.W.: "Well at the time but you have to understand you are antimidating"

T.L.A.M.: "In the little time left before your internship, why don't we give ourselves a second chance? Sam, would you allow me to escort you for an evening?"

O.W.: "I woule but why so formal with the names?"

T.L.A.M.: "I like to affect a certain formality as one of the methods of keeping my diction idiosyncratic and amusing. And calling you Sam is hardly formal, Samantha. =)"

(fifteen minute interval)

T.L.A.M.: "Well, if we are squared away for the moment, I suppose I shall bid you goodnight. Sweet dreams, Sam, & I look forward to seeing you."

(thirty minute interval, during which I fall back asleep)

O.W.: "Man you are so homo"

"Not me. Ignore that. Call hme when your free"

T.L.A.M.: "Roger dodger. I shall call you when the sun is high in the sky. Good luck with the continued telephonic tomfoolery."

O.W.: "Thanks i will!!! Remember to call or text!"

Though the Other Woman seems to require a dose of liquid courage to summon up to the surface her buried interest in me (The Cowgirl reported that the O.W. was soused), I am going to call her with the intention of setting up a date before her departure for the Badlands on 10 June. Worst-case scenario: she tortures and murders me and disposes of the corpse without a Christian burial and in such a way that it is never found. That seems unlikely. The most probable worse-case scenario is that we have a beastly evening together, but as I am fully prepared for this I doubt I shall harbor any regret. The most probable better-case scenario (since the best-case scenario of discovering true love seems vanishingly improbable): we are reminded of the little things we liked about each other and make out at evening's end. I'd rate the odds of the worse-case scenario as better than those of the better-case, but there's only one way to be sure and the esprit of Project PANDORA demands that I throw the dice.

Stay tuned.

Housekeeping
Project PANDORA to-do list: the missing second episode of "P.P.: The Other Woman," an oft-postponed appointment with a vicious trollop, Lord Luck's Amy & the tragic case of her sister Stephanie, the trouble with The Impossible Ingenue, and the curious coincidence of From Russia, with Love & Comrade Coquettish.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Mustard Plug, "Sadie May" from Evildoers Beware! (T.L.A.M.)