This Week in Motorsport
First, a few remarks from one of this blog's most frequent commentators and one of your humble narrator's fellow Blue Tree Whackers, The Guy, on the occasion of his first Formula One grand prix, the glamorous Grand Prix de Monaco!

First the negative, then the positive. I wouldn't say that Monaco has totally sold me on F1 yet. It was interesting, and I watched the whole thing (sometimes while reading comics or playing video games), but at no point did I feel that I couldn't turn it off.

However, there are times that I'll feel the same way about watching the Tigers. I guess it depends on mood.

Now the positive. It is really exciting when a driver takes the briefest of opportunities to pass someone. As they pointed out at the beginning, the track is 14 paces wide. That is not very wide at all, and there are some very sick turns. And like you said, that Safety Car doesn't make it easy for the leader. It's like the blue shell, for anyone that catches that reference. That was also exciting.

I feel like I could nurture a fandom. Maybe I'll watch the next available race. Maybe I'll root for Mark Webber, because he was the first driver I watched win (Or dominated, as was the case.) I think Red Bull is disgusting, but all the crap they do besides making a shitty drink is pretty cool (flugtag, soapbox derby racing, etc.) It would have helped his case if he would have bothered to come from behind, because that always seems to work on me. But he was busy staying ahead of everyone the whole time, and I can't hold that against him.

I'll be traveling May 30th, so I probably won't watch Istanbul. We'll have to see about Montreal.

Thank you, Zulu November. If it helps Mark Webber's "come from behind" credibility any, he's been a Formula One driver since 2002 and started well over one hundred grands prix before scoring his first F1 victory in 2009 at the Nürburgring in Germany. And as has been mentioned by both the Speed commentators and me, in the early running it was Webber's younger Red Bull teammate, Sebastian Vettel, who was considered the man to beat in 2010.

The Grand Prix du Canada at Montreal's Circuit Gilles-Villeneuve will be a new experience for me as the Canadian Grand Prix was not held in 2009 and I'm thrilled by the looming proximity of the Formula One circus. I am not so thrilled, however, by the timing. The Grand Prix du Canada will be run on Sunday, 13 June, with the lights going out on the grid (the start of the race) at noon Eastern Daylight Time. That's all fine and good, but the 24 Heures du Mans runs from noon (local time) on Saturday, 12 June to noon (again, local) on Sunday the 13th; that's 6:00 A.M. to 6:00 A.M., leaving me precious little time to catch up on my sorely neglected sleep before switching gears from the ultimate test of automotive endurance to the daredevil sprinting of F1. Mind you, this is the sort of problem you want to have; far better to have too much racing on my plate than too little.

After Montreal (the first of four grands prix to be broadcast on Fox rather than Speed, though both are part of the News Corp. empire, making their relationship something akin to that of A.B.C. and E.S.P.N., i.e., the biggest college football games may be branded as "E.S.P.N. on A.B.C.," but they're still on A.B.C., not little brother E.S.P.N.), I would recommend particularly to The Guy the British Grand Prix and Grosser Preis von Deutschland, both in July, and the Belgian Grand Prix (back on Speed) at the end of August, after F1's late summer break. The Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps, site of the Belgian Grand Prix, is my favorite racing circuit in the world entire, even above the Circuit de Monaco and "mighty Suzuka," the Suzuka Circuit, home of the Japanese Grand Prix.

Meanwhile, yesterday…

The Grand Prix de Monaco was a banner day for Red Bull (Renault), one of my three teams in the 2010 Formula One World Championship, but how did the streets of the Principality treat the other two, the veteran squad from Williams (Cosworth) and the brand-new constructor that is a revival of one of the oldest, most august names in F1, Lotus (Cosworth)? In a word: miserably. Both of the Williamses crashed, rookie Nico Hulkenberg on lap 1 and veteran Rubens Barrichello (approaching 300 grands prix, an unprecedented feat) on lap 30. The good news is also the bad news: both crashes were caused not by driver error but by mechanical failure. The good news is that mechanical problems can be corrected; the bad news is that they were not identified earlier, leaving one to wonder what other gremlins might be hiding in the FW32. Lotus had been the class of the three news teams (alongside Virgin and Hispania, both Cosworth-powered), and had made incredible performance gains at the Gran Premio de Espana a week earlier, but took a few steps backwards in Monaco. Heikki Kovalainen was running well until lap 58, when mechanical problems with his T127 made it too dangerous to continue, forcing his retirement. Jarno Trulli was trailing the Hispania of Karun Chandhok on lap 70 when the Lotus made an overly aggressive attempt to overtake, resulting in a terrifying shunt that saw Trulli's car fly up and over Chandhok's, before crashing down atop the Hispania. Thank our lucky stars that both drivers emerged unscathed; Trulli later apologized to Chandhok, and the wreck occurred late enough in the grand prix that both drivers were classified as finishers. Williams are a highly professional, vastly experienced outfit and I fully expect them to have sorted out their problems and even improved their performance (Barrichello was running ninth when he crashed out of the race) by the time of the Turkish Grand Prix in just under a fortnight. Which Lotus will we see at Istanbul Park, the improved Lotus of Spain or the hapless Lotus of Monaco? My hope, earnestly and intensely, is for the former.

Next: Round 7 of the 2010 Formula One World Championship, the Turkish Grand Prix from Istanbul Park! How many times do you think I'll encounter the phrase "Turkish delight" in the post-race press coverage? Formula fun!

The Magnificent Moustache Malarkey
Day 13: The worst part of sporting the moustache? Finding hairs in my mouth. Eek! When I grow it back, I'll never again chew on my imperial (or "soul patch"), never ever.

In other news, yesterday, after only twelve days my feckless father finally gave me a C.D. containing the digital photographs of the ultimate triumph of the Banzai Beard Bonanza II: Bonsai's Revenge, Day 128, and the various stages of transition to the Magnificent Moustache Malarkey on the even of ¡Cinco de Moustache! Why a C.D.? Less bother than transmitting them via email, he says. The medium of deliverance could not be less important to me, all I care about is that delivery has been made at long last. First, the beard—wild—at its peak; then, the lame tame beard for which others advocated; and finally, the initial aspect of the moustache. Behold!















This last image, of my bearded visage topped by the ushanka I inherited by the late Grandpa Wilson, has become something of a Facebook sensation.

Banzai!











The tame beard was as terrible as I know it would be, and that was an awfully high price to pay to prove a point. Had I another crack at the same decision, I'd opt instead to show you the Golden Age of Muttonchops. Alas and alack, what might have been!

World full of woe!











Two weeks later, my sideburns are looking spectacular! No wonder I've always been so terribly fond of them. Also, in the profile shots of just the moustache? I look like a Ralph, wouldn't you agree?

Magnificent!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Dropkick Murphys, "The Dirty Glass" from Blackout (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I was in a mean mood today. Neither sad nor upset, mean. I was perfectly pleasant during a midday dessert with The Impossible Ingenue, at her invitation, because we're trying to have a civilization here and courtesy is the glue that holds society together. But I still felt mean, "The Dirty Glass" the perfect song for my black mood.

"Murphy, Murphy, darling dear,
I long for you now, night and day.
Your pain was my pleasure,
Your sorrow my joy,
I fear now I've lost you
To health and good cheer."