Project GLOWWORM

After over a decade of yeoman's work, my trifold wallet, distinguished by the white skull & crossbones emblem on the black leathern material & the small chain connecting it to my belt, has given up the ghost. Signs of wear & tear had been accumulating, but the end did not come 'til the loop in which the chain was anchored tore irreparably. I liked the chain, though the occasions on which it could acceptably be worn were growing fewer with every passing year; I loved the skull & crossbones, & did not give a hoot if it looked infantile in the eyes of others. I had known this day was coming, & had prepared. The part of the old wallet I no longer liked was its trifold construction, so the new wallet is of a much slimmer bifold design. My new wallet, composed of fabric with a leathern lining, sports a fetching gray & black plaid pattern; the style is not as dynamic as the old skull & crossbones, but it is less provocative, less showy. I could have searched for a more like-for-like replacement for the old stalwart, but I knew that the time had come to make a change, even if I could not force myself to make it 'til that old stalwart had given everything it had to give.

This is not a matter of conformity; I did not need a more adult wallet just because of my advanced age. This is a matter of signaling, of how I present myself to others. I cherish my younger self's rants & raves against the pernicious, degrading influence of conformity for conformity's sake. To this day I do not disagree with his critique. But that critique was incomplete, for he was blinded by his arrogance & his sense of isolation; so much of what he said was not merely defiant, but indeed defensive. We are social creatures. We are meant to be social creatures. What did Cain say? "Am I my brother's keeper?" We are meant to be, if not our brother's keeper, then certainly our brother's caretaker & his guardian. I know what the skull & crossbones on my old wallet meant to be, but in my pride I ignored, I openly disdained how it might be perceived as others, & how those perceptions, however wrong they might be, might prevent me from discharging my duty to care for the needs, both physical & spiritual, of those others. Conformity for a sake of conformity consists of an unhealthy denial of the self; at the same time, nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is an equally unhealthy denial of the self, because it likewise leads to the external determination of one's actions. The plaid of my new wallet is pleasing to mine eyes, & less ostentatious than the skull & crossbones of the old wallet. The bifold design is superior in function to the old trifold; the plaid design is,if not superior, at least more appropriate in form than the old skull & crossbones.

None of this should be viewed as a repudiation of my beloved skull-&-crossbones motiff. The skull & crossbones inked on my left forearm is a daily source of delight & satisfaction. We can all use a daily reminder that this life is finite, that death is not something strange & foreign but the constant companion of life & the fate that awaits us all in the fullness of time. These fleeting lives we lead, be they showered in shame or glory, lead but to the grave, lead but to the conqueror worm & bones bleached in the death rays of the Accursed Sun. All is vanity. Wishing to put a little more skull & crossbones back into my life after the demise of the old wallet, I stuck a cartoony skull & crossbones sticker to the back of my mobile 'phone.

Operation AXIOM
Have I mentioned how happy I'll be once the fiftieth anniversary of President Kennedy's assassination passes & is behind us? My mother is of the perfect age & disposition to have bought the myth of the "White House Camelot" look, line, & sinker. She was a ten-year-old Catholic schoolgirl, the daughter of trades-union-member Democratic parents, when President Kennedy was inaugurated in January 1961. The first Catholic president! So young & so handsome! Jackie was so glamorous! Little kids in the White House! (Of course, nothing in his life became President Kennedy so well as his death, which erased from history at a stroke the rancor & the corruption of the 1960 presidential contest, the disastrous arrogance of Robert Strange McNamara & his "Whiz Kids," & his inability to shepherd any of his major policies through a friendly, Democratic Congress. Kennedy had more success as a martyr, when President Johnson forced through Kennedy's major proposals in the years after the assassination. But I digress.) The myth of Camelot! Worse, moving beyond my mother back to the broader popular culture, conspiracy theories & the grassy knoll! I will be only too happy once we can say good-bye to all that. I might even do a little happy dance. Yes, I rather like that idea. I will do a little happy dance was all this fiftieth anniversary of the assassination ballyhoo is behind us.