The Victors

Saturday, 3 October 2015
(№ 22) Michigan 28-0 Maryland
4-1, B1G 1-0

Maryland's membership in the Big Ten Conference is a travesty. It is debatable which is the greater travesty, that Maryland is in the B1G at all or that under Brady Hoke we lost the first conference game against the terrible Terrapins last year. Either way, this year things were set aright.

The valiant Wolverines continue to play absolutely suffocating defense, to my great delight & joy. After allowing twenty-four points in the season-opener against Utah (now ranked № 5 in the A.P. poll, & even at that the defense only allowed the epithetless Utes to score seventeen points, since seven were the direct result of an intercepted Michigan pass), the Maize & Blue "D" has not allowed any opponent to score more than seven points & have shut out the last two opponents completely. Points per game allows (after): week one, Utah: twenty-four (24); week two, Oregon State: fifteen & a half (15.5); week three, U.N.L.V.: twelve & two-thirds (12.67); week four, B.Y.U.: nine & a half (9.5); & week five, Maryland: a shade over seven & a half (7.6). The valiant Wolverines are only allowing opponents to score (since it is impossible in American football to score half a point) eight point per game. Eight points! That's preposterous! The valiant Wolverines boast the № 2 rated defense in the Football Bowl Subdivision (the old Division 1A); the № 1 rated defense has padded its schedule with two Football Championship Subdivision clubs (the old Division 1AA). Permit me to cackle maniacally in glee: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The offense remains a point of concern, especially since Rudock reverted to type, proving that his supposed improvement against the epithetless Cougars from B.Y.U. was an aberration. The valiant Wolverines continue to lose the turnover game, with fumbles adding some variety to a menu of embarrassment that had been dominated by interceptions. No "Point-a-minute" "Mad Magicians," the offense was held scoreless for most of the first half. I was well pleased by Coach Harbaugh's decision, after a second-half touchdown, to go for two rather than kick the extra point, thereby making the score a nice, round (metaphorically) twenty-eight points.

So, where do we stand? There is little doubt that the valiant Wolverines are "ahead of schedule" as far as expectations for improvement in the Harbaugh era. There is an aura of good feeling around these Michigan men, leading to much rash talk, & not just from the Wolverine faithful. I know fans of the dastardly Spartans who are convinced the valiant Wolverines will defeat both Michigan State & the hated Buckeyes of T.O.S.U. They perceive Harbaugh as a bogeyman, as a faceless terror against which there is no defense. He's not only going to win football games, but also eat their lunches & steal their girlfriends. Forgive me if I'm not yet ready to declare all the traumas of the last decade healed, all the ghosts exorcised. Our quarterback has thrown more interceptions than he has touchdowns, & he fumbles the ball more than any third-year starter, grad student player should. Which is not to say that I doubt he is, as Harbaugh says, Michigan's best option at quarterback (which is truly terrifying for next year). I am reminded of 2011, when the valiant Wolverines won eleven games in Brady Hoke's first season. Yet lest you think me hopelessly gloomy, the differences 'twixt the two teams are legion. 2011 was a mirage based on the nigh-miraculous play of Denard "Shoelace" Robinson; this '15 squad appears to be building on a more solid foundation. I remain confident in the future under Harbaugh & cautiously optimistic about the rest of this season.

Benchmarks: The valiant Wolverines need two more wins to be bowl eligible. They are minus (-2) on turnovers for the year; this must be reversed if Michigan is to prevail against the tougher opponents to be faced in October & November.

Next: № 13 Northwestern at Michigan Stadium. The plucky Wildcats are undefeated & coming off a 27-0 nothing win over the scrappy Golden Gophers of Minnesota. This will be a much sterner test than Maryland, possibly the biggest challenge so far. (Utah is hard to classify in so many ways, especially since it was both squads' first game of the season.) I've not had the chance to watch the plucky Wildcats, so I can't tell you a thing about their strengths & weaknesses. Northwestern head coach Pat Fitzgerald is probably the most temperamentally similar coach to Harbaugh in the Big Ten; that said, nobody out-Harbaughs Harbaugh. HARBAUGH!

Go Blue!