Game 1
Saturday, 31 August @ Michigan Stadium
(№ 7) Michigan 40-21 Middle Tennessee State
1-0, B1G 0-0
I did not see the game because I was at a family wedding in *shudder* Ohio. The hated Buckeyes whooped it up at the reception, after their club's epic victory-for-the-ages over Florida Atlantic.
Game 2
Saturday, 7 September @ Michigan Stadium
(№ 7) Michigan 24-21 Army (2 O.T.)
2-0, B1G 0-0
The valiant Wolverines did everything possible to lose the game to the epithetless Black Knights of Army (the Unites States Military Academy @ West Point, New York), turning the ball over three times in the first half, eventually trailing 14-7 at halftime. For the second week in a wow, quarterback Shea Patterson (senior) fumbled the ball during Michigan's first offensive possession. Army is a tough opponent, but over-matched by any major college football program; I mean absolutely no disrespect to Army & their wily triple-option offense, but the valiant Wolverines did not cover themselves in glory in securing the victory.
After the win, fan reaction was divided. Some were outraged that the victory was not more decisive, others counseled that Army was such a bogey opponent that the only useful takeaway was the resilience with which the valiant Wolverines fought through the first half's adversity. For my part, I was outraged, that outrage tempered only by my despair. The "speed & space" offense of new offensive coordinator Josh Gattis faced tough sledding against Army's disciplined defense. Miscues were legion: Patterson & the receiving corps appeared to be operating out of different playbooks. The only bright spot was running back Zach Charbonnet (freshman), who turned in a yeoman's performance, carrying the ball thirty-thirty times for one hundred yards & three touchdowns.
Bye Week 1
Saturday, 14 September
(№ 10) Michigan
2-0, B1G 0-0
There are two bye weeks this season, in part because there are five Saturdays in November.
Game 3
Saturday, 21 September @ Camp Randall Stadium
(№ 13) Wisconsin 35-14 Michigan (№ 11)
2-1, B1G 0-1
I will never again call any Don Brown defense the "Murder Machine," not after the defense gave up sixty-two points to the hated Buckeyes in last season's "rivalry" game. Uncle Don's Massage Machine was nearly as hapless against the balanced attack of the pesky Badgers: Wisconsin led 28-0 at halftime & 35-0 midway through the third quarter. Admittedly, Wisconsin running back Jonathan Taylor is an elite player, but the Massage Machine proved that they are most definitely not an elite unit.
The offense was predictably inept. Coach Gattis's offense simply does not work. The players cannot execute the scheme, the coaching staff cannot manage player substitutions, & Patterson continues to be a liability. I'm confident he's doing the best he can, which is precisely why I'm so down on him. If he was angling to set an N.C.A.A. record for most consecutive games with at least one turnover, how would his game look any different? Eventually, the coaches replaced Patterson at quarterback with Dylan McCaffrey (junior), but before McCaffrey was knocked out of the game after two consecutive illegal hits; both of Wisconsin's starting safeties were ejected for illegal "targeting," after both struck McCaffrey in the helmet with their helmets. McCaffrey left the game with concussion symptoms. Stay classy, Madison.
Panic & despair were the order of the day in the Wolverine Nation after the shellacking. I thought that we would lose the game, but never in my most fevered #FireHarbaugh prognostications of doom did I imagine the pesky Badgers would hold a 35-0 lead at any point. All is lost! Woe & lament!
Casey at the Bat: A Ballad of the Republic Sung in the Year 1888, an excerpt
by Earnest Thayer (1863-1940)
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
and somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
but there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out.
Game 4
Saturday, 28 September @ Michigan Stadium
(№ 20) Michigan 52-0 Rutgers
3-1, B1G 1-1
The sick joke that is Josh Gattis's offensively inept offense looked like a well-oiled machine against the alien Scarlet Knights of Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. Of course, that counts for very little since the competition was, as noted, Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, a sad sack club & a source of constant embarrassment & consternation as members of the B1G. A contributing factor is that Coach Gattis was down on the sidelines, from whence he had always previously coached, whereas in his first three games at Michigan, he'd coached from the eagle's nest of the press box.
Uncle Don's Massage Machine looked positively murderous against the alien Scarlet Knights of Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. Of course, that counts for very little since the competition was, as noted, Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, a sad sack club & a source of constant embarrassment & consternation as members of the B1G.
Reaction to the rout was predictably mixed. To mine eyes, the best news was also the worst news: 'Twas widely remarked that the valiant Wolverines came out against Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey with a vim & a vigor that had been lacking in the Middle Tennessee, Army, & especially the Wisconsin games. Huzzah, because Team 140 looked much crisper & focused, but at the same time I have to ask why were they so apathetic & lethargic in the earlier games? Are they so arrogant that they think they can just show up & "phone it in" against any given opponent? Why are Harbaugh & his staff so uniformly unable to motivate their players? All is still lost! Woe & lament!
Next Game
Homecoming: The (№ 19) valiant Wolverines host the (№ 14) tenacious Hawkeyes of Iowa. Last week, Iowa faced Middle Tennessee State; unlike Michigan, Iowa did not give up three touchdowns to the epithetless Blue Raiders. This augurs ill for the Homecoming match up & I both predict & expect doom, but I'd like to be wrong. I'd be thrilled to eat crow after a convincing Michigan victory.
Go Blue!
