Fire Millen
23-67, Mr. Millen, 2-8 on the year. Have you no decency? To be fair, the Cardinals did come within a whisker of beating the Bears a few weeks back; so, unlike the Lions, I think the Cardinals can make a reasonable claim that they might just be a better team than their 1-8, now 2-8 thanks to the Lions, record reflects. The Lions are probably a little bit worse than their 2-8 record. How in the high holy hell have they won two games?

The rest of the season: Joey Harrington's Miami Dolphins, now riding a three-game winning streak; the only active dynasty in the NFL, Tom Brady's New England Patriots; the struggling Minnesota Vikings, whom I'm certain are looking at Detroit as a must-win game; the resurgent Green Bay Packers; da Bears; and the Colt-slaying embodiment of bad sportsmanship, the Dallas Cowboys. There's no way around it, things look bleak.

If Joey beats the Lions on Thursday, he will guarantee the sixth losing season in Matt Millen's six-year stewardship of the franchise. No one besides Millen needs to be remined; so, this one's for him: the Lions were 9-7 in 2000, the last year before the Millen debacle. 9-7, including 5-3 on the road, and they missed the playoffs by one last-second, 54-yard field goal.

Oooooooo, hey, here's an idea, what about Millen becoming the new football coach at MSU? Two birds with one stone, brilliant!