The Victors
We lost. The hated Ohio State University Buckeyes defeated the valiant University of Michigan Wolverines; we had a chance to win, a genuine chance, but you can't make that many mistakes against a team as formidable as the hated Buckeyes. They beat us fair and square. Congratulations, you bastards.

I look forward to seeing the valiant Wolverines in the Rose Bowl. I am staking out my official position: I am against a rematch. We had our chance and the better team prevailed. If the surprising Rutgers University/Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey Scarlet Knights can remain undefeated, they deserve their shot against Ohio State. If the weaselly University of Southern California Trojans defeat the vile University of Notre Dame Fighting Irish, and the the surprising Scarlet Knights fall to the pesky West Virginia University Mountaineers, then I believe USC should face certain defeat at the hands of the hated Buckeyes. (I loathe the weaselly Trojans. They are, after all, weaselly. I want them in the national title game solely so I may see them crushed by the mighty offense of the hated Buckeyes.)

We came very close, but we lost. We had our chance to win the national championship, but we threw it away with late hit penalties and asinine offensive play-calling. Damn. We live in a world turned so thoroughly upside down that a trip to the Rose Bowl is a consolation prize. Gods above and below damn the BCS. 11-1 is good, but 12-1 will be better after we defeat the Pac-10 champion on New Year's Day. (We must triumph is our bowl game; I cannot endure another embarrassment like last season's loss to the wretched University of Nebraska Cornhuskers.) Go Blue!