Team Bachelor vs. The Marrieds
Yesterday, my old chum Danny Boy's older sister came round the house with her little boy, Tristan. The lad was dressed in his Boy Scout uniform and held in his hand a popcorn order sheet, ready and eager (the sheet, not the boy) to accept copious orders. My mom dutifully ordered some popcorn and during the chit-chat mention was made of the recent wedding and The L.A.W.'s impending nuptials. Danny Boy's sister than looked at me and said that I should not worry, that time had not yet run out and I was certain to find the a wife before too much longer.

I smiled and nodded, but what in the flying fuck was she talking about? I am twenty-eight years old, you bulbous cow! I'm not yet the aged man-spinster about whom all the old biddies in town gossip! You may be pleased as punch to be thirty and have a ten-year-old son, but when I finally sire children I want more for them than to live with you in their grandparents' house, thank you very much. My thirty-one-year-old sister is months away from marrying a thirty-eight-year-old gentleman, and I'm supposed to be panicking about being matrimonially challenged? I'm torn between the knee-jerk reaction to spew invective at her porcine bulk and profound pity for the stymied potential of her younger self. Then again, I knew Kathleen all through the youth I shared with Danny Boy; she had no potential to stymie. It is poor Tristan who should be pitied. A mother like that, the poor kid never had a chance.

The Marrieds cannot help but be tyrannical. Join the resistance! Join Team Bachelor!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Weezer, "Buddy Holly" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Far and away my favorite Weezer song.