Project MERCATOR: The History of History Quiz Night '15, in Song
Fountains of Wayne, "All Kinds of Time" from Welcome Interstate Managers (T.L.A.M.)
Commentary: Fair's fair, given my persistent grousing about Hello Rockview; this album's title should read Welcome, Interstate Managers.
As soon as the quiz began, I knew that I'd brought my "A" game. My mind was sharp, my nerves were steady. Like the young quarterback who is the protagonist of "All Kinds of Time," I had all kinds of time. In all modesty, I'm the backbone of the Misty Beavers. I'm not enough to win History Quiz Night on my own, but I'd finish in the top five all by myself. It takes the whole team to put us over the top. This year, we all had all kinds of time. We were calm, we were buoyant. We finished Round 1 in first place, with fifteen questions (out of eighteen) right. Several teams scored eleven, one scored, twelve, one scored thirteen, & one scored fourteen, but the Misty Beavers alone scored fifteen. We had all kinds of time.
"When suddenly it all starts to make sense…
"He takes a step back, he's under attack,
But he knows that no one can touch him now,
He seems so at ease, a strange inner peace
Is all that he's feeling somehow…
"The whole world is his tonight…"
Montag, 23 März
Michael Giacchino, "True Heart of Racing" from Speed Racer: Original Motion Picture Score (T.L.A.M.)
Commentary: As I entered the banquet hall in which History Quiz Night is always held, I beheld a rogues' gallery of foes, faux friends, frauds, & pretenders to the throne. That night, the Firkin & Fox was Mos Eisley, "a wretched hive of scum & villainy." I looked upon connivers & backstabbers, fiends who thought that having the correct political beliefs or the shadiest university connections would carry their ignorant hides to victory. Not so. History Quiz Night has many faults, but it is a meritocracy; it rewards those who know their history & know how to work a pub quiz. They were dismissed as soon as they were acknowledged, because I knew none posed a genuine threat to our championship aspirations.
Sonntag, 22 März
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "I Lost on Jeopardy" from "Weird Al" Yankovic in 3-D (T.L.A.M.)
Commentary: On the morning of the annual History Quiz Night, Red Patton text messaged me that he had a "bad feeling" about his ability to contribute to our team's, the Misty Beavers, bid to repeat as victors. I assured him that there would be at least one question that would play into his greatest strength, his encyclopedic knowledge of the Second World War's European Theater of Operations (E.T.O.). In due course, this happened. (O.K. the question was about D-Day, not Sicily as I prophesied, but I say that's close enough.) We didn't get credit for Red Patton's answer, even though he was right. It is a sad fact of History Quiz Night, & a damning indictment of the U. of M.-Flint's History Department that every year at least one question is factually wrong. We claimed the moral victory, & the injustice further strengthened out fighting spirit.
One of my bitterest complaints about Jeopardy! is that there are never any questions about the Ottoman Empire; to my great satisfaction, this History Quiz Night featured a question about the Ottoman Empire. We got that one right, no ifs, ands, or butts.
"I was there to match my intellect
On national T.V.
Against a plumber and an architect
Both with a Ph.D.
I was tense, I was nervous,
I guess it just wasn't my night.
Art Fleming gave the answers,
But I couldn't get the questions right…"
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