Project MERCATOR: The History of History Quiz Night '15, in Song
Queen, "We Are the Champions" from Greatest Hits (T.L.A.M.)
Commentary: "We Will Rock You" & "We Are the Champions" aren't exactly "Temptation" & the "Hawaiian War Chant," but you almost can't have one without the other.
During Round 3, we spent our two remaining faculty-answer coupons (trade a coupon for an answer from a History Dept. professor) like there was no tomorrow. Thrice we summoned the same lecturer (no Ph.D. equals no titled professorship), because the first time he didn't take our coupon. The third time, Red Patton cried out, "Come on, Mr. Hotel, love us one more time!" "Love us one more time" became one of many memoriable phrases echoing throughout the rest of the night.
After each round of History Quiz Night, teams exchange answer sheets & score each other. One of the questions concerned Ypsilanti, Michigan, so when the answer was given a photo was displayed of Ypsi's infamous, iconic, preposterously phallic water tower located on or near the Eastern Michigan University campus. We Misty Beavers, being dedicated to winning the fun, spontaneously chanted "Penis! Penis! Penis!" Professor Echo, the M.C. & self-styled "Quizmaster," doubled over in chagrined laughter. When we'd stopped & he'd recovered himself, he told us the following legend from his undergrad days at E.M.U.: if ever anyone graduates from E.M.U. still a virgin, the penis tower will crack & collapse. We win the fun!
We received our Round 3 score: fifteen out of eighteen. We'd gone into Round 3 with a three-point lead, so even if the second-place team got a perfect score, they could only tie us! When the round's scores were announced, the pattern from Rounds 1 & 2 was repeated: the Misty Beavers had the highest score in Round 3. High score in Round 1! High score in Round 2! High score in Round 3! We won! We were the champions! Red Patton started to celebrate, but I prevailed upon him to simmer down. Our moment would come. For now, let everyone hear the announcement of the second- & third-place teams. The fun, young Multiple Score-gasms finished in third; the mysterious, middle-aged Bobs & Bobettes finished second. The 12th Annual History Quiz Night champions, for the second year in a row: the Misty Beavers!
I let fly a guttural roar, & then as we rose from the table we broke into our familiar war chant: "Four more years! Four more years! Four more beers!" Victory was ours!
"I taken my bows, my curtain calls,
You've brought me and fortune and everything that goes with it:
I thank you all.
But it's been no bed of roses, no pleasure cruise,
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I'd never lose!
"We are the champions, my friend!
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.
We are the champions! We are the champions!
No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions
Of the world!…"
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