Project GLOWWORM

I trimmed my whiskers (the beard) earlier this week. They were overdue for a taming. 'Tis a tricky balance to strike, 'twixt having a real, rich beard & going full-on Grizzly Adams. It seemed to me when I was done that I'd probably rimmed too rigorously, cutting the hairs a little shorter than the ideal, but that this was right & necessary; this way, the whiskers can grow into the ideal, rather than overgrowing that mark almost from the start. It also occurred to me that, dumb as this way be, even after all these bewhiskered years I've never established a schedule for beard maintenance. It remains a haphazard undertaking. How can I have let this happen? Careful observations are not being taken toward establishing baseline growth patterns from which a grooming schedule can be derived. What a preposterous oversight on my part!

Poetry Smackdown
As a matter of course, I do not dream of the East. I cringe at the thought of the heat & the humidity, the bugs & the fevers. Yet "Mandalay" enchants me, tempts me with visions of a world that never was quite so & certainly never shall be again. Why prattle on? Kipling's words are superior.

"Mandalay"
by Rudyard Kipling

By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' eastward to the sea,
There's a Burma girl a-settin', and I know she thinks o' me;
For the wind is in the palm-trees, and the temple-bells they say:
'Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay!'

Come you back to Mandalay,
Where the old Flotilla lay:
Can't you 'ear the paddles chuckin' from Rangoon to Mandalay?
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!

'Er petticoat was yaller an' 'er little cap was green,
An' 'er name was Supi-yaw-lat—jes' the same as Theebaw's Queen,
An' I seed her first a-smokin' of a whackin' white cheroot,
An' a-wastin' Christian kisses on an 'eathen idol's foot:

Bloomin' idol made o' mud—
What they call the Great Gawd Budd—
Plucky lot she cared for idols when I kissed 'er where she stud!
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!

When the mist was on the rice-fields an' the sun was droppin' slow,
She'd git 'er little banjo an' she'd sing 'Kula-lo-lo!'
With 'er arm upon my shoulder an' 'er cheek agin my cheek
We useter watch the steamers an' the hathis pilin' teak.

Elephints a-pilin' teak
In the sludgy, squdgy creek,
Where the silence 'ung that 'eavy you was 'arf afraid to speak!
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!

But that's all shove be'ind me—long ago an' far away,
An' there ain't no 'busses runnin' from the Bank to Mandalay;
An' I'm learn' 'ere in London what a ten-year soldier tells:
'If you've 'eard the East a-callin', you won't never 'eed naught else.'

No! you won't 'eed nothin' else
But them spicy garlic smells,
An' the sunshine an' the pal-trees an' the tinkly temple-bells;
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!

I am sick o' wastin' leather on these gritty pavin'-stones,
An' the blasted Henglish drizzle wakes the fever in my bones;
Tho' I walks with fifty 'ousemaids outer Chelsea to the Strand,
An' they talks a lot o' lovin', but wot do they understand?

Beefy face an' grubby 'and—
Law! wot do they understand?
I've a neater, sweeter maiden in a cleaner, greener land!
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!

Ship me somewheres east of Suez, where the best is like the worst,
Where there aren't no Ten Commandments an' a man can raise a thirst;
For the temple-bells are callin', and it's there that I would be—
By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin lazy at the sea;

On the road to Mandalay,
Where the old Flotilla lay,
With our sick beneath the awnings when we went to Mandalay!
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!