Is there any movie that couldn't be improved by the presence of Sean Bean?

Pug Uglies
The key to caring for small dogs is bribery. Tyson and Patrick don't like their cage, but bribe them with half a Milkbone each and they run into their box with the celerity of bats flying out of Hell. I'm also taking care of Mac, a Cairn terrier. (Like Toto!) Those three little dog-monsters have done much to overcome my prejudice against filthy dog-monsters, but I remain convinced that I shall never myself own a dog-monster. Back in the day, when we took weekend trips we'd leave out two or three bowls of dry food and three or four bowls of water and lo and behold, three days later Sam would be just as fit and unhospitable as he was at our departure. The dog-monsters require almost constant care. Like old people. And boy howdy do I hate old people. Nevertheless, I forgive the dog-monsters this transgression because they are so monstrously adorable. Especially Tyson, whose eyes point in different directions. He's googly-eyed!

L.A. Story
The first and most important thing to know about my trip is that I traveled 2,000 miles to play five games of Risk and help teach the Belle of Texas to play euchre. I saw neither the Hollywood sign nor the LaBrea Tar Pits. But I did assist in the purchase and transport of a 32" x 80" door, which was subsuquently nicknamed "Sock" and painted with an argyle pattern to resemble a pair of Steeze's boxer shorts. And thus was the first third of Three Doors Down completed. And jumpin' Jack Pratt, am I glad I'm not going to be around for the painting of "Circle." "Stripe" should be easy, but there's no way "Circle" won't be an arduous ordeal. Then again, an ordeal that isn't arduous isn't really an ordeal at all, but rather some kind of inconvenience. "Circle" won't be an inconvenience, it will be a nightmare. I really dodged that bullet.

Victory for ZIM!