Friday, May 14, 2010

The Winged Wheel
In 2008-09, without the monster Bertuzzi on the roster, the Detroit Red Wings advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals, losing in seven games to the perfidious Pittsburgh Penguins, in part because the N.H.L.'s grand poobahs had instructed the zebras to fix the series in favor of the League's weaselly poster boy, Sidney "Sid the Kid" Crosby. In 2009-10, with the monster Bertuzzi making a mockery of the glorious winged wheel, the Detroit Red Wings were knocked out of the playoffs in the second round, being utterly dominated in five games by the San Jose Sharks, without any noticeable crookedness from the zebras. May we end this farce? Not only is it an affront to decency that the Red Wings have debased themselves and their fans by giving sanctuary to the monster Bertuzzi, but they sold their souls for what, a second-round exit? That's the kind of blockbuster deal I'd expect from the Detroit Lions, not the Detroit Red Wings. May we rid ourselves of the monster Bertuzzi already? I want to be able to believe again (Wayback Machinelink, scroll down to the relevant passage).

In the meantime, my thanks and congratulations to the Montreal Canadiens for defeating the perfidious Penguins in seven games. Always nice to see the forces of good (in this case, any member of the Original Six will do) triumph over evil. Go party with Ben Roethlisberger, Crosby, you two deserve each other.

4 comments:

scott said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kevin said...

Lest not forget: Nothing beats the blockbuster deal of the Pistons trading Chauncey Billups for a single season of Alan Iverson. (smacks head again). And now the Tigers have the soulless Johnny Damon. Gah!

brenda cox giguere said...

You get bon-points for using 'perfidious Penguins' in your post.

Mike Wilson said...

Scott: I said what I meant & I meant what I said. The fix was in.

Steeze: I'm not claiming the acquisition of the monster Bertuzzi was—setting aside that he is a monster—the worst deal made in even the recent history of professional sports in the Motor City, all I'm saying it that Ken Holland's man-love for the monster Bertuzzi is puzzling, most out of character with how the Red Wings normally conduct business.

Yes, Billips for Iverson stands as the worst, most inexplicable decision Joe Dumars has made in his time running the Pistons. I can't say much about the Tigers, except that acquiring anyone who has ever worn Yankee pinstripes seems ill-advised. The only good thing about the loathsome Boston Red "Sox"? Their implacable hatred for the equally loathsome New York Yankees.

California Dreamer: I used not to like alliteration, but I've been coming around to the convention's charms.