"10 Things You Don't Know About Women"
by Lucinda Rosenfeld

1. Think lips, not larynx, and nice things might happen to you.

2. Put your wallet back in your pants and let us pick up the next round.

3. We order our salad dressing on the side because we are control freaks. We'd like to control you. Because we can't, we control lettuce.

4. We are not all that enthusiastic about men who have extensive knowledge of female reproductive health. Men who tell us what exercises we can do to ease our menstrual cramps and who know the best course of treatment for recurring yeast infections freak us out.

5. We don't actually care what you look like so long as your looks don't constitute a social liability. If you can figure out how to make us laugh, we'll find a way to ignore your steadily decreasing head-to-back-hair ratio.

6. We dislike it when you pound on the bathroom door and ask, "Hey, is everything okay in there?" You don't want to know what's going on in there.

7. We're suspicious of your relationship with your sister. She's roughly our age and has seen you naked.

8. Just let us cry.

9. We're not just pretending to be annoyed when you keep changing the channel.

10. Unless a previous girlfriend has told you you've got great taste in jewelry, chances are, you don't. Think about it this way: Do you ever see us wearing the weird bracelet you bought us? We haven't returned it because we love you too much. And we really do love you.

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Now that's how you write a "10 Things You Don't Know About Women"!

BTW South Song of the Day
They Might Be Giants, "Dead" from Flood (Mt. Love)

Caution: Vulgarity ahead.

Mission: Unpossible Zwei - Tage Dreißig (Dienstag), Einunddreißig (Mittwoch), und Zweiunddreißig
This rots. Next year, someone please remind me to give up something ridiculously easy for Lent, and if I fail, as I did this year, remind me not to try again, as I am doing now.

Note: dreißig is pronounced "dreissig." Care must be taken not to confuse ß with B.