Day 45: Mrs. Skeeter, Esq.'s disdain tops The L.A.W.'s in both vitriol and vehemence, (sic) "you look like you just climbed out of a dumpster behind a big john steak and onion." Mrs. Skeeter, Esq. further contends that the Bonanza is antithetical to the stated objectives of Project PANDORA, "you're just throwing off a ton of energy defeating your best-laid plans." The beard, she claims, is itself hamstringing my already limited ability to woo. It is my great pleasure to present to you now the greatest hits from this afternoon's tremendously fun I.M. conversation—and I'm not being facetious, it was ever-so-much fun; Mrs. Skeeter, Esq. shares my conviction that the deepest bonds of friendship are forged and demonstrated through insults—"interspliced" with the latest digital photographs, from Day 42:
(sic) "i don't get it. you've done it, you have a hideous beard. why do we all need several months of 'silly fun' and ugliness?"
"how strange that… your oldest friends would not want you to walk around looking like you either can't afford or aren't interested in basic grooming."
(sic) "the pictures also make my skin crawl."
With the beard, I, (sic) "just look like a hipster-come-lately. and there's nothing more conformist than a hipster."
(sic) "it's the underlying bad, bad idea that is alarming… that it will be funny to do something that will intentionally make you look and seem really gross, for an extended period of time."
"(it's just so gross!)"
The beard makes me look and seem really gross, got it. Peachy keen! By the end of our discussion, I was reasonably certain that my beard was responsible for rickets, the Exxon Valdez, and the pox upon our popular culture that is Coldplay. If there was any justice in this benighted world my beard would be on trial in The Hague.
A few notes on the strictures of the Banzai Beard Bonanza, a device solely of mine own contrivance. {a} "Trimming" the beard is verboten. I know what my beard looks like after one month; so, what would be the point of keeping it for four months, always cutting it back to that one-month growth? The Bonanza is an experiment; I want to find out what my beard looks like after months of unrestricted growth. {b} "Sculpting" the beard is permitted. For instance, though not visible in the photographs taken Sunday, today I bowed to the inevitable and shaved the straggling hairs on my cheeks, just as I did during '05's original B.B.B. I am still considering shaving the rearward growing extremities of my sideburns, the hairs below my ears in the photos above. {c} Feedback is not only welcomed, but sought after. Again, this entire enterprise is experimental. I know what I think about how the experiment is proceeding, and I am also interesting in how others view the proceedings. I need not necessarily give great weight to those outside opinions, but I am mightily interesting in learning what they are.
Love the beard? Hate it? Feel a deep and abiding ambivalence? Absolute apathy? I want to know!
The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Ninjas, "Snow Day" from Platypus (T.L.A.M.)
Commentary: The irony is that I had a snow day today, while "Snow Day" is about a snow day that was devoutly wished for but which did not come to pass. Close enough.
17 comments:
This might upset some here at the Base, but I like the beard.
It's not so much that I think the beard itself is undermining pandora, although that's certainly a possibility. I think the implicit bad judgment that it conveys is the problem.
I, for one, think the beard is fantastic. Sexy even.
Go the distance.
Also, thank you for the RSS feed!
If I created an RSS feed, it was entirely unintentional. An inherent function of the new template? In any event, you're welcome.
If it were sexy, the proof would be in the puddin' if you know what i'm sayin' sayin'.
"Sexy even"? The Most Dangerous Game is, unsurprisingly, evil.
And I think you are setting an impossibly high standard of proof, Mrs. Skeeter, Esq.
I've come out squarely on the side of Skeeter in this case, but like I said, it's your face, after all. You may be soliciting feedback but I know you'll do what you want with it anyway :)
By "evil" do you mean, "blatantly unwilling to put her money where her mouth is"? Just so we're clear that all the evidence is on my side here.
Just so we're clear, what evidence?
Evidence toward my "impossibly high standard of proof."
"What evidence," Mrs. Skeeter, Esq., not "evidence of what."
Mmmmhmmm.
I think what Skeeter is saying is, if the beard is fantastic and sexy, why isn't this Dangereuse chick jumping on the Mike bandwagon. Am I close?
By his own admission, it's dreadful, and intentionally so. The fact that all the single ladies are voting with their feet on this one is hardly surprising.
As the wise Beyonce says, "If you like it, you shouldn't put a beard on it."
"Voting with their feet"? So, I enjoyed a surfeit of distaff attention before the Bonanza and am only now suffering a dearth of same? Straw man nonsense, Skeet, you'll have do better than that.
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