I ate soy cheese tonight, an experience about which I have two things to say: a) it produced scrambled eggs with a taste reminiscent of neither eggs nor cheese and a consistency halfway between paste and mud, and b) I'd be disgusted by myself even had they tasted like ambrosia. Soy cheese? A crummy, unsatisfactory dinner is better than I deserve for such a profound betrayal of self. The Fates have been merciful this evening, and I shall endeavour to have successfully learned my lesson.