The Victors: Illinois 45-20 Michigan
2-3, 1-1 Big Ten

If I may be snarky for a moment, we might have a halfway decent football team if the offense didn't take a siesta during the entire second and third quarters. As I once suggested to former Head Coach Lloyd Carr in an admittedly rude email, next week we might try the novel approach of playing all sixty minutes, instead of thirty subdivided into a few here and a few there. Alas, we are not a halfway decent football team, we are a work in progress.

The good? Far, far fewer fumbles and a kick return game that was not a nightmare. Progress! The bad? The complete lack of offense in the second and third quarters. One step forward, two steps backwards. The ugly? The offensive line's sorry performance against a heretofore roundly lambasted Illinois defense. Our man Threet lofted some very lame ducks this afternoon, but he and the running backs also encountered a lot of Illini in the backfield.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
The only other game of which I watched any substantial portion was Wisconsin's 20-17 loss to the "University of Ohio State." For the second week in a row, to mine eyes the pesky Badgers looked for all the world like a vintage Lloyd Carr Michigan team. Last week, a dominant offensive performance that yielded naught but field goals that eventually allowed the down but not out opponent to mount a late comeback. This week, the suffocating defense that was suddenly and utterly powerless in the face of a last minute, need-it-to-win drive by the opposing offense. Wisconsin contained all of the hated Buckeyes' weapons for almost the entire game, yet U.O.S.'s game-winning drive looked effortless. Boy howdy, those hated Buckeye receivers were astoundingly wide open right in the middle of the field, over and over and over again.

And, his record be damned, Bret Bielema is not a terribly good football coach. The fiasco on perhaps the most crucial play of the game, Ohio State's game-winning touchdown? That is hardly the first time Wisconsin has been caught doing something inexplicably stupid while Bielema stands on the sidelines, too slow to recognize the cock-up before his very eyes. And once again the blow proves fatal to the pesky Badgers' cause. Not that I mind a Wisconsin loss, in principle, I just hate to see U.O.S. win anything.

Also, settle in, because I won't grow tired of calling THE Ohio State University the "University of Ohio State" as long as Terrelle Pryor wears the red and silver that those dimwits insist on calling "scarlet and gray." Gray isn't sparkly, you morons! But what else should we expect? The hated Buckeyes don't even know the name of the school they nominally attend.

Believe
The defense of Lord Stanley's Cup begins on Thursday, 9 October 2008. Make ready, you darling Wingnuts!

The Rebel Black Dot Songs of the Day
Queen, "Somebody to Love" from Greatest Hits I (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: What do we think of a "somebody" series? It's so stupid, it'll go off like gangbusters!

Freitag, 3 Oktober
Les Italiens, "Ottomania" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: The Ottoman Star Empire in Man's Burden, or at least the book's universe? Mayhap.

Donnerstag, 2 Oktober
Ben Folds, "Annie Waits" from Rockin' the Suburbs (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I don't have a girl, yet I feel a great certainty that when I do I will disappoint her in much the same fashion as illuminated in "Annie Waits." This certainty of disappointment has, for some odd and ill-understood reason, engendered in me a fierce fondness for the song.

Mittwoch, 1 Oktober
Fountains of Wayne, "Sink to the Bottom" from Fountains of Wayne (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I know that when I find her, The Last Angry Bride will understand thoroughly the simple beauty of "Sink to the Bottom."

"I wanna to sink to the bottom with you,
I wanna sink to the bottom with you,
The ocean is big and blue,
I just wanna sink to the bottom with you."

Dienstag, 30 September
Barenaked Ladies, "Jane" from Maybe You Should Drive (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I unabashedly adore the name Jane. Christian name, surname, the Jane's spotting guides, whatever. My interest in the new C.B.S. program The Mentalist was piqued when I learned that the main character is named Patrick Jane. Mighty shallow of me perhaps, but there we are.

"Jane, divided, but I can't decide which side I'm on."