SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Mustard Plug, "Miss Michigan" from Evildoers Beware! (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: The following is only tangentially related to "Miss Michigan": It is particularly irksome, after I have made a wacky observation, for one married bloke to turn to another married bloke (or as was the case in the most recent case, a divorced bloke remarked to an engaged bloke) & say, "You can tell he's never been married." The last time this happened it took all of the grace granted me by the Holy Ghost not to say, "Maybe it was your inability to communicate openly, to express yourself freely as I do, that caused your wife to divorce you the very moment your youngest child was out the door to college." That would have been exceedingly cruel, & I am glad those words only flashed through my mind & never came close to passing from my lips. But in the face of such smugness, especially since that exact thing has been said more than once, I was sorely tempted.

"So I meet a girl I know is right,
She's got is all, she's just my type,
So I take it slow, show her I'm real,
And I treat her right, show her how I feel,
Next thing you know I'm so in love
And it's only her that I'm thinking of,
But I'm such a fool, I can see today
Should have known from the start that the girl was gay.

"I've done it before and I'll do it again!
I've seen the path and I've seen the end!
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
I think I'm better off just dating Miss Michigan!"


Mustard Plug, like The Ninjas, The Insyderz, & The Loose Ties, et al., are part of sacred Michigan's indigenous ska scene.

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXXVIII

Crucifixion as a method of torture-cum-execution.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Ninjas, "Snow Day" from Platypus (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: The Best Winter ever just won't quit! The isn't enough snow to close any of the schools, but there is a blanket of white coating my little corner of sacred Michigan. Ska & SKApril are ready for any & all eventualities.

"Well, it snowed at least an inch outside last night,
Why do I have to go to school again?
It snowed at least an inch outside last night,
Why do I have to go to school again?…"

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Goldfinger, "This Lonely Place" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary:

"You find out he's been lying to you,
You find he had another girl,
But you never stand up for yourself,
You never stand up to him.
He takes it away,
Again you let yourself stay,
Again you give it to him,
You said, 'It's the last time he does it' again…

"Now you got a choice
To leave your place,
Your lonely place behind,
Be true to yourself now
And let it go,
It's better than you think…"

Urbi et Orbi
Yesterday was my first Mass as a member of the choir, & I have to say I didn't like it. It's not that I disliked singing in the choir (though I still think the choir director, God bless him, is mental for insisting that I join up), but I disliked how it disrupted my experience of the Mass. My mind was not on Him, but on the next song & my preparations to sing it to the best of my truly meager ability. The choir performs only at the eleven o'clock Mass, & I now understand why some of my fellows also attend the nine o'clock on choir days; the first Mass is their time to worship, the second is their time to perform. Methinks I shall do the same going forward, at least until the choir director realizes his mistake & politely asks that I step aside.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of Palm Sunday
The Insyderz, "Testimony" from Soundtrack to a Revolution (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: There is no other type of music as boisterous as ska. There is no other topic as worthy of noisy exuberance as the Almighty.

"Because You are God, the great I Am,
You help me be a better man,
You light my fire, You're here with me,
You pick me up when I am weak.

"By the work of Your hands
In everything I see,
The great I Am, the King of Kings!
O Lord, my God, please hear me now,
Singing every word coming from my mouth,
I lift your name, I crave your grace,
I stand in awe, accept my praise…"

Bier!

So far, not so good. Of course, Brother Envy asked for unvarnished honesty; he gave me the sixer of home brews not simply as an act of friendship, but also trusting that I would not pull my punches.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, "I Want My City Back" from A Jackknife to a Swan (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones are part & parcel of SKApril; SKApril without them is unimaginable. The Bosstones furnished the very first song of the very first SKApril, "The Impression That I Get," way back (not so way back, really) in 2011. The only question, then, was which mighty mighty song would be chosen? The choice of "I Want My City Back" was prompted by the following paragraph, excerpted from the latest issue of National Review, written by Reihan Salam:

Like Spike Lee, I grew up in Brooklyn. I've been here too! And like Lee, I miss certain things about the Brooklyn of my childhood. Brooklyn wasn't cool or artisanal when I was a kid. It was rather dangerous, in fact. But I loved it because it was mine, and I share Lee's sense that some of Brooklyn's new arrivals don't seem to appreciate the qualities that made our hometown great.

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones sing not of Brooklyn, but of their beloved namesake, Boston, yet the parallels between Salam's qualified lament & "I Want My City Back" are none too subtle.

"I want my city back,
Back the way it used to be!
I want it back the way it was!
I looked around and found
This doesn't feel like my hometown,
And I don't like the way it does feel…"

Bier! | Project MERCATOR

Tonight, one of my brother Knights of Columbus gifted me a six-pack of his wife's & his home-brewed beer. Brother Envy (like Scott Pilgrim's "Envy" Adams, his code name is based on his initials, November Victor [which would itself be a pretty cool code name]) is one of the small but growing number of Knights in our council (a council is unique to a parish) who is close to my age, & we are fast forming a friendship above & beyond our brotherhood, based on similarities of personality & interests. His home brews are chilling in the refrigerator & I doubt I shall have one tonight, but I am curious to see what to-morrow evening brings, especially since the skies are forecast to be clear & the air warm, a lovely spring evening on which to crack open a beer or three.

In one of our conversations at to-day's Lenten fish fry, & I forget the details of the preamble, Brother Envy said to me, "That's kind of mean."

I replied, without missing a beat, "I know who I am." He found this a mightily impressive answer.

He's Dead, Jim
I tweaked my right wrist during the course of the fish fry. It was probably when I was hoisting the boxes of frozen fish out of the freezer, but I didn't feel anything in the moment. Shortly afterward, I noticed that something was rotten in the state of Denmark. I have full range of motion, but certain motions bring a sharp but bearable pain.

"Doctor, it hurts when I do this."
"So don't do that."

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Potshot, "Change" from Pots and Shots (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: Potshot hailed from the Land of the Rising Sun, & sang their songs in a mixture of Japanese & "Engrish," heavily Japanese-accented English. That plus the extreme speed of their songs make deciphering their lyrics a dicey proposition. "Change" was selection in part, though only a small part, because of the relative clarity of its lyrics. A few snippets:

"Wish I could say 'Good-bye' to myself…

"I want to change my cell phone…

"Still dance with a girl I love…"

Potshot's music is wicked enjoyable, even if it is indecipherable. Driving rhythm & blaring horns speak across language barriers.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Forces of Evil, "Independent" from Friend or Foe? (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: The verses of "Independent" of composed of call & answer betwixt a fellow & his militantly independent girlflesh.

"Will you please hold my hand?
I can't, I'm independent.
I want to be your man!
You can't! I'm independent.

"It's not that we don't know,
Why can't she let it go?
She's independent, she doesn't need your help!
She's independent, she'll do it by herself!…

"I'll call you on the phone.
You can't, I'm independent.
Let me know when you're home.
I can't! I'm independent…"

"I hate this game we're playin',
I can't hear what she's sayin',
Telling me that she is right and I am always wrong,
Everything she does
Is only just because
She's clinically insane!…"

This Week in Motorsport

Formula Fun!
Formula One World Championship
Round 1
Australian Grand Prix
Sunday, 16 March 2014

Round 2
Malaysian Grand Prix
Sunday, 30 March 2014

Round 3
Bahrain Grand Prix
Sunday, 6 April 2014

There were many, many driver changes in the F1 off-season, but through the first three grands prix of the year the main story, the only story that matters, is the baleful sound produced by the formula's new turbocharged V-6 engines. The high-pitched wail of old naturally-aspirated V-8 engines made my soul sing, touching a nerve inside my brain that said, "I love this;" the closest comparison I can make for the new, low-pitched growl of the turbo V-6s is to a Diesel tractor trailer, such as those that rumble down America's highways & byways. Honest! I didn't realize how important the V-8 wail was to the F1 experience 'til it was gone; I knew I had it good, but I didn't know how good. The latest grand prix was exciting, far & away the most exciting race I'd ever seen run around the flat-as-a-pancake Bahrain International Circuit, but there was still something essential missing. The sound of the engines has removed a key element that made watching an F1 grand prix joyful.

Of the three engine manufacturers in the series, Mercedes-Benz has adapted to the new engine formula better than either Renault or Ferrari. All the Mercedes-powered teams are doing well, none better than the factory Mercedes A.M.G. team, which has secured all three pole positions & won all three grands prix (Australia: Nico Rosberg, Malaysia & Bahrain: '08 World Champion Lewis Hamilton), including one-two finishes at both Malaysia & Bahrain. Reigning four-time Constructors' Champions Red Bull (Renault) (10, '11, '12, & '13) are struggling with their low-revving Renault "power units" (official lingo, as the cars don't have "engines" anymore, I suppose because they have two electric generators supplementing the internal combustion engine that still does the heavy lifting), but have still managed to finish on the podium at Australia & Malaysia & fourth at Bahrain. (Daniel Ricciardo, replacing the retired-from-F1 Mark Webber, finished second at his home grand prix in Australia, but was disqualified, pending appeal.) This is going to be a long, trying season for the defending champs unless Renault—which propels Toro Rosso, Lotus, & Caterham in addition to Red Bull—can work out the bugs in their underpowered "power unit." Reigning four-time World Champion Sebastian Vettel's ('10, '11, '12, & '13) bid for a record-tying fifth consecutive championship looks decidedly imperiled, though the season is yet young.

It is really hard to get excited about F1 this year, that's how bad the power units engines sound. The cars are also ugly as sin, even uglier than they were last year with the regrettable "duck-bill" noses. These monstrosities are the last thing a young boy would want as a poster on his wall, they're so hideous. Yet even the rolling eyesore problem is small potatoes compared to the sound issue. The "Formula Fun!" title might have to be retired in favor of something more pessimistic, like "Formula Flub" or "Formula Done." It is almost as if F1 was too good, too enjoyable, & the F.I.A. had to break it because, like the Narrator in Fight Club, they "wanted to destroy something beautiful."

Indy Rock
IndyCar Series
Round 1
Grand Prix of Saint Petersburg
Sunday, 30 March 2014

I knew the F1 cars didn't sound good, but I didn't realize quite how bad they sounded until the IndyCar season opener. Last year, IndyCar's turbocharged V-6s couldn't hold a candle to F1's naturally-aspirated V-8s, but this year IndyCar's wailing turbocharged V-6s knock the socks off of F1's rumbling turbocharged V-6s. This is to my recollection the very first time that America's indigenous open-wheeled series, which I have enjoyed but regarded as F1's yokel cousin, has compared favorably to the globetrotting international open-wheeled extravaganza.

Will Power of Penske (Chevrolet), who finished second in the championship in '10, '11, & '12 but had an uncharacteristically lackluster 2013, was back to his classic form, passing pole-sitter Takuma Sato of Foyt (Honda) in the early running & never looking back. The race was pretty clean for a street circuit, lined as they are with concrete walls that provide precious little margin for error, with only one extended yellow late in the day. Here's hoping that augurs well for the rest of the year's street races, though I won't be holding my breath. The next race, the venerable Grand Prix of Long Beach, is also on a temporary street circuit.

By Endurance We Conquer
United SportsCar Championship
Round 1
24 at Daytona (A.K.A. the "24 Hours of Daytona")
Saturday & Sunday, 25-26 January 2014

Round 2
12 Hours of Sebring
Saturday, 15 March 2014

It is early days yet for the blandly named United SportsCar Championship (U.S.C.C.), the Frankenstein's monster wrought from the merger of the American Le Mans Series (A.L.M.S.) & the Grand-Am (sponsor) Sports Car Series, but what's been seen on-track is far from encouraging. The officiating has been laughably bad, & fully half of Sebring's twelve hours was spend running under yellow flags due to caution-period procedures that appear to have been devised by someone who had never before seen a motor race. Crashes happen, which means yellow flags must be flown for safety's sake, but there is a right way & a wrong way to do these things. So far, the U.S.C.C. has been all thumbs. They're acknowledged the undeniable & changes to the rules have been put in place for the next round at Long Beach, but given the merged series's mantra, "Getting it right, the first time" & how badly they got it wrong the first time, I have no confidence that they'll do any better on the second try.

The "balance of performance" in the top Prototype category is a joke. Prior to this year, the Le Mans Prototype 2 (L.M.P.2, or just "P.2") cars from the A.L.M.S. were vastly swifter than Grand-Am's primitive Daytona Prototypes at every track on which both types of cars ran, but with the weight, horsepower, & aerodynamic advantages that were given to the D.P.s in the off-season, combined with the weight, horsepower, & aerodynamic disadvantages to the P.2s, there is no fair competition in the Prototype class. The D.P.s cannot lose, despite their obvious disadvantages. It was bad enough that N.A.S.C.A.R., the owners of the U.S.C.C., banned the way cool, top-tier P.1-class prototypes, but now to have made the P.2s artificially inferior to the D.P.s, well, it's as if they've sucked all the oxygen out of the room. The new series feels like seventy per cent (70%) Grand-Am to only thirty per cent (30%) A.L.M.S., which was not what we fans were promised &, given the A.L.M.S. significantly greater popularity than Grand-Am, not what was in the new series's own best interests.

In G.T. Le Mans, the A.L.M.S.'s amazing G.T. category, transferred over without any changes & thus the only category not handicapped by ovular, inferior Continental tires, the brand-new Corvette Stingray C7.R has been competitive the brand-new-for-2013, all-conquering Porsche 911 RSR, except for mechanical unreliability, i.e., breakdowns. There hasn't been enough green-flag running to know whether the Corvettes can make up any of that lost time. Here's hoping the bugs are worked out before Le Mans, where the 911s were in a league of their own last year.

Below is a missive I posted to the U.S.C.C.'s FaceSpace page, in the probably vain hope that this train wreck of a series can be saved from itself, & with it the future of endurance racing in these United States.

To whom it may concern:
As a fan of the A.L.M.S., I was deeply concerned when the series was purchased by N.A.S.C.A.R., whose Grand-Am series had never been half as interesting as the A.L.M.S. I was encouraged by the inclusion of A.L.M.S. management personnel into the new U.S.C.C. structure & the prominence given to the august I.M.S.A. name as the "new" sanctioning body. Sure, the mantra "Getting it right, the first time" was a bad joke, exposed when the name of the new series changed from the uninspired United SportsCar Racing to the uninspiring United SportsCar Championship, but there was every reason to believe those behind the scene really were trying to get it right, the second or third or fourth time.

To this point, after two races, almost nothing has gone right. The officiating has been outrageous & the procedures have been a nightmare, faults acknowledged by the rules changes put in place ahead of Long Beach. The so-called "balance of performance" between the formerly sluggish Daytona Prototypes & the formerly swift Le Mans Prototypes has confirmed my worst fears: that this new series is not a merger between Grand-Am & the A.L.M.S., but Grand-Am, almost the same as before with just a little bit of A.L.M.S. window dressing. The imbalance of performance proves that N.A.S.C.A.R.—sorry, "I.M.S.A."—has no interest in creating a level playing field for the former A.L.M.S. teams. Including them in the U.S.C.C. is nothing but a cynical attempt to curry favor with the A.L.M.S.'s much larger fan base.

I love endurance racing & would hate for there not to be an American endurance racing series worth watching. Right now, alas, there is not an American endurance racing series worth watching. But it is not too late to fix this mess. You have the rest of this season to keep tinkering, to keep trying to get it right, be it for sixth or the seventh or the eighth time. But you do not have forever. If nothing changes through the rest of 2014, I won't be back in 2015. I speak only for myself, but I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking along these lines. Get it right, gentlemen, or I'll have to content myself with seeing my beloved Corvettes compete just once a year, at Le Mans.

Mike Wilson

P.S. Please prove me wrong. Please get this right & make the United SportsCar Championship worth my while.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Skatalites, "The James Bond Theme" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: Jamaica is home to so many things I love—well, only two, but those two things contain legions: ska & Ian Fleming's James Bond, 007. I once made the acquaintance of a pair of Jamaican fellows at a debate tournament in Vermont (they were appalled by the cold) & though I apologized for pigeonholing their nation to just this one thing, I could not help but gush over how much I love ska. Here The Skatalites combine my two favorite things about Jamaica into one sweet jam that makes my soul soar. As the pair of Jamaican chaps said, "Ska, ska, ska…"

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXXVII

Pontius Pilate, Prefect of Judæa circa A.D. 26-36.

Autobahn

On Sunday, at a parish fundraiser in Fenton (Why was my parish, located in Burton, having a fundraiser in Fenton? That's a long story.) I parked the Lumi, the Distaff Son of the Mousemobile, sporting new patches of visible rust after the dark, killing winter, next to a pristine Audi R8. I've never been a fan of the R8's looks, based on still photographs of the road car & motion pictures of the racing version*. But this was the first time I'd had a chance to look at one close up with my own two eyes; I espied a different R8, in a completely different paint scheme, in Ann Arbor back in the fall, but caught only a glimpse as I trekked north on State Street & it rolled south. I was struck by the beauty of the machine, by how different its proportions were from the Hot Wheels scale replica that sits in my toy car collection. It was small, seating only two, but palpably powerful, even as it sat at rest. The R8 had not moved when I emerged from the fundraiser three & half hours later. The rear haunches are still better looking than the awkward, too Teutonic front end, but what a glorious machine, & what an excellent reminder that photographs are not dispassionate recorders of truth; they present a picture of the world, but they do not present inherently the truth or meaning of things; sometimes we need to see with our own eyes to understand.

Last week, I espied a vanity license plate: U1T UP. While appearing nonsensical at first, those cryptic figures were emblazoned on a fundraising license plate for the Michigan Agricultural College, also known by its name nom du jour, Michigan State University. The M.S.U. block "S" added to U1T UP leads me to read the inscription as SU1T UP, "Suit up." (Was UIT UP already taken?) This could be either an exhortation for the dastardly Spartans to "suit up," to don their green & white uniforms in preparation for competition, or a reference to Barney Stinson's sartorial catchphrase from the television series How I Met Your Mother, "Suit up!" In either event, I greet the ersatz SU1T UP warmly, regarding its playful use of both phrasing & typography as being generally superior to the failure of wit that so typifies vanity license plates.

*The road-going R8 is named for the all-conquering R8 Le Mans Prototype, with which Audi claimed overall victory in the 24 Heures du Mans in five of the seven years the R8 competed, plus seven consecutive American Le Mans Series (R.I.P.) class championships. Racing versions of the road-going R8 have since been fielded in many G.T.3-specification racing series, though not at Le Mans, which utilizes the higher-performance G.T.2-spec. I enjoy greatly the humor in Audi having made a race car out of a road car named after a race car.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Songs of the Day
The Pietasters, "Maggie Mae" from Oolooloo (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: Ska's not just for kids.

"There's a place where we all go
To have a few when we feel low,
Drink ourselves into a state,
Drown our sorrow and fuel our hate.
A barmaid beauty in a tight black dress
Pours our beer and cleans our mess,
Answers to the name of Maggie Mae.
When we see her, what do we say?

"Maggie Mae, bring us another beer,
We need another beer
To take away our troubles here…"

Dienstag, 7 April
The Aquabats!, "Ska Robot Army!" from The Return of The Aquabats! (Captain Thumbs Up!)

Skammentary: The Aquabats! are still a going concern, but are now more of a neo-New Wave band than a third-wave ska band. Still, at their live shows they still play some of the old songs, & their music still has the same silliness, even its musical character has changed. "Ska Robot Army!" is old-school The Aquabats!, straight out of the SoCal ska scene, & lampooning the same.

"Rude boys! Rude girls! Skinheads!
Chewbacca! Chewbacca! Lake Titicaca!
Chewbacca's on a scooter, man, holy crap!

"They're coming to take over,
To terrorize the Earth!
Skanking in their best suits,
Beware of the ska robot army!"

Project OSPREY
The last word on Project OSPREY 'til the fall (unless rending of clothes & gnashing of teeth is prompted by multiple departures for the N.B.A. by insufficiently loyal valiant Wolverines): I don't give a tinker's damn for U.Conn., but hooray for A.B.C., Anybody But Calipari!

The Victors | Project OSPREY

Thursday, 20 March 2014
N.C.A.A. Tournament, Midwest Region Round of 64
(№ 2) Michigan 57-40 Wofford (№ 15)
26-8 (includes postseason), Big Ten 15-3 (regular season only)

Saturday, 22 March 2014
N.C.A.A. Tournament, Midwest Region Round of 32
(№ 2) Michigan 79-65 Texas (№ 7)
27-8, Big Ten 15-3

Friday, 28 March 2014
N.C.A.A. Tournament, Midwest Regional Semifinal
(№ 2) Michigan 73-71 Tennessee (№ 11)
28-8, Big Ten 15-3

Sunday, 30 March 2014
N.C.A.A. Tournament, Midwest Regional Final
(№ 8)Kentucky 75-72 Michigan (№ 2)
28-9, Big Ten 15-3

Alas! The most gutting thing about the valiant Wolverines' loss to the epithetless Wildcats in the "Elite Eight" is that Michigan could have won, should have won. Two more made shots, shots that we made all season but didn't drop on a slightly sub-par shooting night, & a second consecutive berth in the Final Four was in the offing. Alas! There is no goat, no player who lost the game for Michigan; the valiant Wolverines in 2013-2014 were the embodiment of Bo Schembechler's "team" philosophy; they won together & we lost together. 'Twas a wonderful season, a season that saw Michigan win an outright Big Ten championship for the first time in decades. 'Twas a season that proved that the 2012-2013 squad's tournament run was no fluke, that head coach John Beilein has built a solid program in Ann Arbor, one that can & will reload for the years ahead.

There are major question marks over the roster of the 2014-2015 edition of the valiant Wolverines. There is the possibility that all three or some combination sophomore guard Nik Stauskas, sophomore forward Glenn Robinson III, & sophomore forward (center) Mitch McGary might leave school early & try their luck at professional basketball. If all three return, next season's valiant Wolverines will be well-positioned to make another run at the Big Ten title & national glory. If all three depart, the valiant Wolverines will still be fine, as others will step forward & carry the banner for the maize & blue. These are extraordinary days in the up-&-down history of Michigan basketball. Appreciate them as the rarity they might prove, but keep your fingers crossed that as long as Coach Beilein remains, this level of achievement will remain laudable, but become ordinary.

Go Blue!

Project OSPREY
Regarding tonight's national championship game, I have no love for the University of Connecticut (known almost universally as "U.Conn."), but I adhere to the A.B.C. school of thought: Anybody But Calipari, meaning Kentucky's sleazebag cheater of a coach, John Calipari, who is the embodiment of everything that is wrong with collegiate athletics. Calipari is human garbage, & the thought of his club winning it all makes my stomach turn. A.B.C.! Go, epithetless Huskies!

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Streetlight Manifesto, "Down, Down, Down to Mephisto's Café" from Somewhere In the Between (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: My original thought was to use this Lenten Sunday to highlight an explicitly Christian ska song, such as Five Iron Frenzy's "Far Far Away" or The Indyderz-es' "God Almighty," only to recall that both those examples had bathed in the SKApril limelight in days of yore, SKAprils '11 & '12, respectively. So, I've gone in the opposite direction, choosing to highlight an ambiguously anti-theistic, potentially diabolical song. Streetlight Manifesto is another latter-day ska band on whom Ska Army is very high whom I view as sufficient, but not even remotely special. "Down, Down, Down to Mephisto's Café" is amusing, though overlong. Were it shorter, & was more emphasis placed on the excellent music at the expense of the pompously self-important lyrics, it would be a really good song, instead of just a good song. Ska is great—GREAT—but not universally so. Today's SKApril R.B.D.S.O.T.D. serves ends of both variety & humility.

"…He said, 'You'll never have to choose a side,
It's rewarding, but on the road it's hard'…"

Neutrality is a myth. Refusing to choose a side is a comforting lie to those who haven't thought the matter through, but the swearing of disinterested neutrality is itself a declaration of both allegiance & war.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Hippos, "Rock & Roll" from Forget the World (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: At the end, The Hippos were no longer a ska band, & bound together by no shared musical identity, the band broke up. Front man Ariel Rechtshaid has gone on to be a producer of truly awful music for the likes of the Bieber, Plain White T's, & Vampire Weekend (the latest, crummiest album). Once upon a time, though, back in the day, The Hippos burst forth from the L.B.C., the beating heart of third-wave ska.

"Rock & Roll" is almost an instrumental piece, a joyous encapsulation of the verve of the ska that came out of southern California in that brief moment in time, the 1990s. The lyrics of "Rock & Roll" are printed below in their entirety.

"Rock, rock & roll" (x3).

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Planet Smashers, "She's So Hot" from Attack of the Planet Smashers (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: "She's So Hot" is mostly a warning, that the ska kid to whom it is addressed will have difficulty satisfying a girl so hot in a relationship. Basically, she's too good for him, which was pretty much an article of faith in the ska community. (See also: "Dateless Losers" by the Reel Big Fish.) Sweet ska guitar throughout keeps things bouncy & fun.

All the Russias | The Savage Wars of Peace

Sergei Lavrov, foreign minister of the Russian Federation, as quoted in a B.B.C. report last updated this morning: "But Mr. Lavrov accused N.A.T.O. of exaggerating the importance of Russian troop movements on the borders of eastern Ukraine. He said Russia had the right to move troops within its territory…" (B.B.C.-link). Taken in isolation, Mr. Lavrov's comments are correct, Russia does have the right to move troops within its territory. The sticky wicket to this situation is that darned context, that as we have seen over the last several weeks the Russians arbitrarily & unilaterally expand their territory at the expense of other nations' sovereignty & in flagrant contravention of international "law" & the Russian Federation's own treaty obligations. Our concern here in the West, Comrade Lavrov, is that Russian troops by any other name—"Ukrainian self-defense forces" in the case of the Crimean invasion—will roll over the Ukrainian frontier, occupy eastern Ukraine (if not the whole blasted country), & then present Moscow with a fait accompli, another bit of "its territory" in which Russia will "have the right to move troops" to & fro.

Don't let the "Savage Wars of Peace" banner spook you; there will be no war between the the Russian Federation & the United States, not over Crimea, not even over the whole of Ukraine. "The Savage Wars of Peace" is simply the banner under which we here at The Secret Base discuss matters martial & more broadly geopolitical. There will be no war, but the Russian bear is lurking just over the frontier, poised to devour Ukraine on President Putin's whim, & N.A.T.O. is deploying warplanes in an insufficient bid to reassure the Baltic trio that their sovereignty will be defended & preserved.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Suburban Legends, "High Fives" from Rump Shaker (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: The Loose Ties are enthusiastic fans of the Suburban Legends (they cover "High Fives," for example), your humble narrator less so. I ascribe this at least partially to a generation gap; they're just younger than me enough to have missed the Summer of Ska ('97), & thus they have an underdeveloped appreciation for such bands as, to pick the most egregious oversight, Less Than Jake. Thus, while variety-being-the-spice-of-life certainly weighed in the Suburban Legends' favor, they would not have have been chosen to provide the R.B.D.S.O.T.D.: SKApril if they were not worth our while.

Two mildly relevant snippets of dialogue from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle:

Kumar: "You're worthless."
Harold: "I'm not worthwhile."
…
Kumar: "You might just be worthwhile."
Harold: "I'm not worthless."

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
King Apparatus, "Michael & Anne" from Marbles (T.L.A.M.)

Skammentary: In a Real Can of Yams songs, "Riot Grrl," I did rhyme the word "skank" with the word "skank," but this was an intentional play on the word's two meanings. "I want a girl who likes to skank,/I want a girl who's not a skank." The first "skank" refers to the dance, the second "skank" refers to sexual promiscuity. Not all that clever, but amusing enough to your author. I really, really like "Michael & Anne"—I would not have chosen it as today's R.D.B.S.O.T.D.: SKApril if I didn't—but I have to shake my head at the lyrics of the song's chorus:

"Michael and Anne are thinking it up,
A story to tell when the cops show up.
Michael and Anne are thinking it up,
A story to tell when the cops show up…"

Also, I am ridiculously proud at this year's innovation, the recasting of commentary as "skammentary."

Operation AXIOM

I had a reasonably effective April Fools' Day, with my FaceSpace pranks paying dividends. My grand plans for The Secret Base were scuttled by a lack of time & a lack of forethought, but there's always next year. For the second year in a row, I changed by FaceSpace profile photo to an archival shot of me before my whiskers (well, before most of my whiskers, since I did sport an imperial, or "soul patch," in those days) & for the second year in a row some bought the ruse hook, line, & sinker. Last year, the principal victim was Nick Andopolis, drummer for The Loose Ties; this year, my mother allowed her good sense to be snookered by her disdain for my whiskers. (For the record, she hates my tattoos, too, & wishes I'd let my hair grow.) I also changed the banner image across the top of my FaceSpace page to the "O" of President Obama's two campaigns & posted some vague drivel about reevaluating my opinions on socioeconomic & geopolitical issues. This pranks snared some, but also brought out a number of knowing winks from those who sniffed subterfuge. All in all, I'm pleased.

How was your April Fools' Day, treasured readers? Regale me with tales of pranks who pulled on others or others' pranks for which you fell. April Fools!



Urbi et Orbi
Through the end of the first quarter, I've attended Mass nineteen times, averaging just over six Masses per month through the first three months of Anno Domini 2014. Were that pace to be sustained, which it shan't be, I'd attend Mass seventy-six times in '14, shattering '13's record of sixty-three Masses. More importantly, I've yet to miss a Sunday, which is this year's central attendance goal. Onward & upward.

SKApril!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Reel Big Fish, "Don't Stop Skankin'" from Candy Coated Fury (Ska Army)

Skammentary: "Don't Stop Skankin'" is really two songs in one track, "Don't Stop Skankin'" proper, a nearly instrumental piece that occupies three quarters of the track's four-minute length, & a separate piece I call "Rudy," an homage to & partial cover of The Specials' seminal "A Message to You, Rudy."

Ska Army posted the following hyperlink to my FaceSpace page yesterday (the video is of "Don't Stop Skankin'" proper only): ska-link. Happy SKApril, rude boys & rude girls! Don't stop skankin'!

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXXVI

The life & career of Neville Chamberlain (1869-1940).









The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Sam & Dave, "Soul Man" from the Rhino Hi-Five: Same & Dave E.P. (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "Soul Man" features possibly my favorite guitar part of all time, the dancing bit underneath the verses.

The Victors

Win, lose, or draw, it's always great to be a Michigan Wolverine. This rots, but it's great to be a Michigan Wolverine.


Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Songs of the Day
The University of Michigan Marching Band, "Temptation" from Hurrah for the Yellow and Blue (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "And now we feature our percussion section in a Michigan tradition. Ladies and gentlemen, 'Temptation'… You can't have one without the other. Ladies and gentlemen, the 'Hawaiian War Chant.'"

The University of Michigan Marching Band, "Hawaiian War Chant" from Hurrah for the Yellow and Blue (T.L.A.M.)

Project MERCATOR

On Friday night at the U. of M.-Flint History Department's eleventh annual History Quiz Night, a community event that is attended by far more burghers & alumni than undergraduates, my team, the unfortunately named Misty Beavers, earned the victory. More to follow, circumstance allowing.

"Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Queen, "We Are the Champions" from Greatest Hits (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: In tribute to my fellow Misty Beavers & our fearless leader, Red Patton.

"We are the champions, my friends,
And we'll keep on fightin' 'til the end.
We are the champions!
We are the champions!
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the world!…

"I consider it a challenge before the whole human race,
And I'd never lose!…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
The Association, "Windy" from the Rhino Hi-Five: The Association E.P. (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"And Windy has stormy eyes
That flash at the sound of lies…"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Real Can of Yams, "Pontiac Button: Activate!" from Good or Suck! (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Dedicated, with affection & gratitude, to The Guy; he knows why.

"If your car won't start
And nothing else will work,
There's a secret part,
You won't look like a jerk…"

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXXV

The life & career of Sir Austen Chamberlain (1863-1937).









Commentary: Chamberlain was a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize back when such was a laudable achievement. He did not win it simply for being Sir Austen Chamberlain (as was the case with President Obama), but for the diplomatic triumph of the Treaty of Locarno (1925).

This photograph of the Nobel Peace Prize is anachronistic, as that is not what the medal looked like in 1926, but is used here because it is a very nice, well composed image.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Flogging Molly, "Devil's Dance Floor" from Swagger (T.L.A.M.)

Urbi et Orbi

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

'Tis the holy season of Lent, & beyond that today in particular is the Feast of the Annunciation, the glorious celebration of the day on which the Archangel Gabriel appeared to the Blessed Virgin & announced to her the Good News that a Savior was to be born for the forgiveness of sin. To Mary fell the colossal responsibility of bearing the Christ Child, but to her eternal credit & our overwhelming joy, she gladly accepted her commission from the God of her fathers; the God of Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob; the great I Am. I have been joyous all day, being perhaps not as solemn as the occasion might warrant, but smiling. It was this joy that lead me to the remembrance of Monty Python's "The Spanish Inquisition," which then further enhanced my joy. I thank the Lord for this day.

The Four Weapons
1. fear
2. surprise
3. ruthless efficiency
4. an almost fanatical devotion to the pope*
5. nice red uniforms

*Of course, one of the defining features of the real Spanish Inquisition is that it was not under papal authority, but instead answered to the Crowns of Castile & Aragon. Titus Oates, the perjurer & anti-Catholic zealot, would feel quite at home in the United Kingdom, where anti-Catholicism seems to be the national pastime & an entirely acceptable prejudice. But, as far as British slander against Catholics goes, the mischaracterization of the Spanish Inquisition as being almost fanatically devoted to the papacy is small potatoes.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Barenaked Ladies, "One Week" from Stunt (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: One week 'til SKApril '14. The ska songs are chomping at the bit.

The Queue

Progress through Liberal Fascism has been slower than I'd prefer, but there are only so many hours in the day & only so much self-discipline in this beggar's soul. I'm about one-third of the way through & thus far it makes for chilling, tightly argued reading. I'm setting it aside for the nonce in favor of an addition to my Lenten preparations, His Holiness Pope Francis's first encyclical, Lumen Fidei. I've not before read a papal encyclical, so this should be novel as well as illuminating.

Recently
Mark Mazzetti, The Way of the Knife: The C.I.A., a Secret Army, and a War at the Ends of the Earth
Christian Caryl, Strange Rebels: 1979 and the Birth of the 21st Century
Helene Wecker, The Golem and the Jinni

Currently
Pope Francis, Lumen Fidei (The Light of Faith)
Jonah Goldberg, Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning ***paused***

Presently
Edgar Rice Burroughs, Swords of Mars
Edgar Rice Burroughs, Synthetic Men of Mars
Sir Ernest Shackleton, South: A Memoir of the Endurance Voyage
Edgar Rice Burroughs, Llana of Gathol
Edgar Rice Burroughs, John Carter of Mars
Richard Price, Clockers
Sir Richard Francis Burton, translator, "Sinbad the Sailor" from The Arabian Nights

Lately Neglected
Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan, or The Matter, Forme, & Power of a Common-wealth Ecclesiasticall and Civill
Edmund Burke, The Evils of Revolution
F. J. Sheed, Theology for Beginners

Project OSPREY
My bracket is bruised, but not completely busted: nine of my predicted clubs advanced to the Sweet Sixteen, including all of my Final Four & seven of my Elite Eight projections. I had Duke advancing to the sweet Sixteen, but then being defeated by Michigan, so the epithetless Blue Devils' Round o' 64 upset didn't upset my bracket too terribly much. My biggest personal bust so far has been Oho State, who in a fit of league pride I picked as advancing to the Elite Eight (& there being felled by Florida). I did not participate in the Billion Dollar Bracket competition, from which every one of the millions of entrants has already been excluded; I once won the house N.C.A.A. pool, back at 1213, & I've always known that with that win I exhausted my lifetime allotment of sports-related gambling winnings.

The Rebel Black Dot Songs of the Day
Shane Harper, "Hold You Up" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: From the motion picture God's Not Dead, which I recommend highly. 'Tis not perfect, but it gets more things right than it gets wrong. Also, Lent!

Sonntag, 23 März
James Brown, "The Old Landmark" from The Blues Brothers: Original Soundtrack Recording (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Always remember, possessors of filthy mouths & bad attitudes though they were, Joliet Jake & Elwood were really & truly "on a mission from God." He moves in mysterious ways & often in answer to prayer He sends one of us, sinners though we are.

Project MERCATOR

Last night, after I cleaned up from the K. of C. fish fry, & after two false starts on other dates, I joined Ska Army for a pint (or four) at the metropolitan area's newest hot spot, the Fenton Fire Hall. We enjoyed overpriced, pretentious craft beer, good conversation, & running into every single person either of us knows. Granted, that's an exaggeration, but even though I've said many times, "Flint's not that big a town, you're bound to run into someone you know," never before had those words rung so true, especially so many miles outside of Flint proper. Fenton has been booming in the 21st century, absorbing those fleeing both Flint's decay & Oakland County's high cost of living. I liked the Fire Hall, but it was disconcerting to see so many familiar faces on my very first visit.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Foo Fighters, "Learn to Fly" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
James Cromwell, "If I Had Words" from Babe: Original Soundtrack (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"If I had words to make a day for you
I'd sing you a morning golden and true,
I would make this day last for all time,
Then fill the night deep in moonshine…"

Perchance to Dream

I had a nightmare about insects infesting the house last night. It wasn't quite Arachnophobia—still & always an absolutely terrifying motion picture—but the queen bug was substantially bigger than anything in my personal experience, which is itself a blessing for which I am most thankful. I fought the infestation—which was associated with significant structural damage even though most of the bugs were ants, not termites—with chemicals in spray cans, but now that I reflect back on it I wish my dream-self had thought to swing a shovel. It might not have been terrible effective, but the violence of the act would have been tremendously reassuring. It was an honest-to-Phobetor nightmare.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Brother Bones & His Shadows, "Sweet Georgia Brown" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: "Sweet Georgia Brown" is widely recognized as the theme song of the Harlem Globetrotters. As such, methinks it a serviceable theme song for all of basketball, & it was in this vein that it was chosen as the R.B.D.S.O.T.D. on the (real) opening day of the N.C.A.A. Division I Men's Basketball Championship, A.K.A. "March Madness." I hope that your circumstances permit you to watch this orgy of basketball 'til your eyes bleed. Comes the Madness!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Déanta, "Culloden's Harvest" from Green Linnet Records: The Twentieth Anniversary Collection (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Green Linnet Records: The Twentieth Anniversary Collection was released in 1994, & my family acquired the C.D. just a couple years later. Though I've listened to these songs for almost two decades, last night was the first time I really heard the lyrics of "Culloden's Harvest," a lament about the Jacobite defeat at the Battle of Culloden in 1745. Truly, a lament. As the archtraitor General Lee is reputed to have said, in 1862, "It is well that war is so terrible—otherwise we would grow too fond of it."

Project OSPREY

The devil take sound judgment, my bracket predicts the valiant Wolverines of the University of Michigan as national champions. I fill out my bracket in indelible ink, not in wavering graphite. (Also, yes, I'm old school & still fill out a paper bracket, instead of a too-cool-for-school, space-age online bracket. I do so love paper, but that's a topic for another day.)

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Wally Dogger, "I.T. Is for Rock Stars" from I Surrender, When Do I Start? (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"I.T. is for rock stars.
I only own three dress shirts,
You got a doctorate,
But I can use bigger words
Like (gibberish),
And you just shake your head
'Cause I know you're impressed with me.
I work in I.T.…"

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXXIV

The life & career of Joseph Chamberlain (1836-1914).

Operation AXIOM

We here at The Secret Base have almost as much disdain for the contemporary American celebration of "St. Paddy's Day" as we do for the modern Valentine's Day. What has the drinking of green-tinted non-Irish beer, the dying green of urban waterways, & the wearing of cheap, crass "Kiss Me I'm Irish" clothing to do with Saint Patrick & the Christianization of Hibernia? Think my opposition to this festival of anti-irish mockery makes me a killjoy? Call me back when we have a socially acceptable national holiday dedicated to depicting black Americans' African ancestors as drunkards & wee mystical sprites.

Liberty & Union: Obamboozled
Twice this morning I rang my health insurance company over the abrupt cancellation of my coverage (the second such cancellation in six months, since this is the replacement for the plan that was cancelled in the fall due to Obamacare). Twice Blue Cross Blue Shield Michigan's (B.C.B.S.M.) information technology (I.T.) systems were down. The first customer service representative stated he'd ring me back as soon as those systems were restored; he did so, but the call was dropped almost as soon as I answered it, due to the vagaries of cellular 'phone technology. The second representative told me that she'd been instructed to ask customers to ring back sometime after noon. She couldn't comment specifically on my policy's cancellation, due to the ongoing I.T. shenanigans, but told me that a number of policies had been mistakenly cancelled.

I never had any issues with my old, catastrophic-only coverage. My new, mistakenly cancelled (?) plan costs thirty-eight per cent (38%) more than my old plan. If you voted for President Obama &/or any Democrat in the Congress, either the House of Representative or the Senate, who voted in favor of the Patient Protection & Affordable Care Act—"Obamacare"—I thank you for the thirty-eight per cent increase in my insurance bill; for the hours I spend in the fall arranging for new coverage; & for the time I spent this morning, & will spend this afternoon, on the line with B.C.B.S.M. Thank you for making me spend on insurance I don't want money I'd rather put toward Project RADIANT (the repayment of my pecuniary debts).

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Aloe Blacc, "I Need a Dollar" via iTunes, (Free) Single of the Week (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"Bad times a-coming
And I done reaped what I done sown…"

The Victors | Project OSPREY

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same…"
—Rudyard Kipling, "If—"

B1G Tournament Final
(№ 22) Michigan State 69-55 Michigan (№ 8)
25-8, Big Ten 17-4

Drat! The dastardly Spartans played a solid game, but the blame for the loss falls squarely on ourselves. We shot in the 20% range not because of Michigan State's defense, but because we picked a lousy time to have a bad shooting night. Had we had an ordinary shooting night, had we hit an average number of the open shots that we so badly missed, we might well have prevailed. As it was, once we fell behind we were never able to get back into the game. I should complain about the wildly lopsided officiating, but to do so after a loss might appear to be sour grapes. To blazes with that, my grapes are quite sour indeed. Michigan States gets away with traveling on one end of the court, Michigan's coach John Beilein is assessed a technical foul for pointing out the rancid officiating, & then Michigan is whistled for traveling at the other end of the court. I have to hand it to Michigan State's coach Tom Izzo, he does a superlative job of bribing/bullying the Zebras into aiding his club. My hope is that the valiant Wolverines got their stone cold shooting night out of their system before the N.C.A.A. tournament. I don't mind being beaten by a better club, but I cannot countenance beating ourselves. Today, against the dastardly Spartans, we beat ourselves.

Next: Wofford, in the N.C.A.A. tourney. The valiant Wolverines are a № 2 seed, & face the № 15 epithetless Terriers on Thursday.

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
David Bowie & Queen, "Under Pressure" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

The Victors | Project OSPREY

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same…"
—Rudyard Kipling, "If—"

Friday, 14 March 2014
B1G Tournament Quarterfinals
(№ 8) Michigan 64-63 Illinois
24-7, Big Ten 16-3

The valiant Wolverines' unexpectedly & uncomfortably close shave against the feisty Fighting Illini was an excellent reminder of a maxim I'd repeatedly over & over again, but insufficiently internalized: There are no easy wins in the Big Ten, above & beyond the ancient & true wisdom that any given club can beat any other given club on any given day. The conference was even more fratricidal than usual this season; all twelve Big Ten cubs finished the season with at least five conference wins; no club finished the schedule with fewer than three conference losses. I remarked to my father on Wednesday that it was unfortunate that come Friday's quarterfinals Michigan would face either Indiana or Illinois, our two most recent opponents. That familiarity, plus greater post-season vim & vigor by the feisty Fighting Illini—those wonderful, terrible intangibles that are so much a part of sport's majesty—made Friday's contest much closer than it needed to be. But the valiant Wolverines were able to prove once again that they do not lose their nerve in close games, something that can only serve them well going forward. The multiple, multi-minute scoring droughts were worrisome, but, one, we must remind ourselves that Illinois was possible the best defensive clubs in the conference in the late-season stretch & two, it's too late to do anything now but stick to our fundamental strengths, roll with the punches, & play our game.

Historically, Illinois has overachieved in the Big Ten tournament, while Michigan has underachieved. So, woot!


Chief Illiniwek forever!

Saturday, 15 March 2014
B1G Tournament Semifinals
(№ 8) Michigan 72-69 Ohio State (№ 24)
25-7, Big Ten 17-3

The valiant Wolverines' usual script was turned on its head against the hated Buckeyes: instead of falling behind early & clawing back into contention, it was Michigan who built up the first-half lead that was eventually whittled down &—egad!—converted into a deficit. The ending was the same, though, for while the valiant Wolverines are able to fight their way back & come away with the victory, they were able to thwart the hated Buckeyes' comeback attempt. Once again, the valiant Wolverines proved their mettle in a close game. I took an unseemly amount of satisfaction in Ohio State senior guard Aaron Craft's mishandling of the ball in the game's dying seconds, a fumble that doomed his club's slim chance at the upset. I had earlier remarked that if Michigan had to pick its poison, I was comfortable shutting down the rest of the hated Buckeyes & then daring Craft—who is a player with an extraordinary & laudable work ethic & a living exemplar of the virtues of hustling, but a mediocre shooter—to beat us with his offense. Craft is the kind of player we should all root for, except for the fact that he's a hated Buckeye: he'll never play pro ball, but for four years he played his heart out every night; he hustles more than any two other players on the court; & he makes his opponents better by making them pay for every miscue, for every sloppy or lazy play. Craft so many things that are right about collegiate sports, except that he owes his allegiance to THE ^{Ohio State University} & its sinister purposes.

Next: Michigan State, for all the marbles, in the Big Ten tournament final, getting under way as I type these very words.

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Polka Face" from Alpocalypse (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link. Pray don't polka your eyes out upon reading this news, but "Polka Face" concludes the R.B.D.S.O.T.D.'s festival of polka medleys, at least until "Weird Al" releases his next album. We shall return to the normal, chaotic R.B.D.S.O.T.D. selection process, quite appropriately on so-called "Selection Sunday."

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Polkarama!" from Straight Outta Lynnwood (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXXIII

Born from Jets, Part III: The Saab J.A.S. 39 Gripen.







Commentary: I rue being unable to locate a schematic drawing of the Gripen more in keeping with those found for the Draken & the Viggen in "Born from Jets, Parts I & II."

Autobahn
I espied a Cadillac ELR this evening, unsurprisingly turning out of the General Motors facility nearest my abode. Ska Army & I were roped in by a Cadillac presenter at the 2013 North American International Auto Show &, then as now, the ELR is quite a looker. It might just be a new skin over the bones of the unlovely Chevrolet Volt, but what a new skin!

"It's the Cadillac of automobiles!"

Addendum: The Victors | Project OSPREY
Saturday, 8 March 2014
(№ 12) Michigan 84-80 Indiana
23-7, Big Ten 15-3

Wonder of wonders, the D.V.R. was revived from an apparently catastrophic failure, & last night I belatedly watched Saturday's game. The valiant Wolverines returned to their unfortunate pattern of falling behind early, a habit I'd hoped they'd left behind. The wily Hoosiers played a brilliant offensive game, shooting over sixty per cent from the field; I've only seen them in their two games against Michigan, so I'm at a loss to understand how they are a sub-.500 club in league play. Byeh? The capricious Zebras, the only team that plays in every single game, had a rough night, with actual fouls missed & phantom fouls called. I was not at all displeased with Coach Beilein's technical foul, because that sequence of non-calls was atrocious. I do not pretend that the Zebras have an easy job, but that is no excuse for such a lackluster piece of work.

B1G tournament play begins today, with eight clubs in action. The four winners will advance to face the four clubs with first-round byes in tomorrow's action. The four second-round winners then face off in the semifinals on Saturday, with that day's two winners meeting in the tournament final on Sunday. The field for the N.C.A.A. tournament—"March Madness"—will be announced later on Sunday, once all the conference tournaments have concluded. I am no tournament expert, no far-sighted prognosticator, but depending on how the tournament goes methinks the valiant Wolverines have a good chance of being a № 2 or № 3 seed, with an outside, outside chance of snagging one of the coveted № 1 seeds. Why not? The valiant Wolverines are the champions of the toughest, most fratricidal league in major-conference ball. But probably a № 2 or № 3 seed for the № 8-ranked Maize & Blue.

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" from Poodle Hat (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link. "Angry White Boy Polka" is the longest of the polka medleys, at over five minutes' length. I doubt this has anything specifically to do with the nu metal/rap-rock the "Angry White Boy Polka" parodies, as the generally trend is for slightly longer medleys. The last "Weird Al" polka under four minutes was "Bohemian Polka," released almost twenty years hence.

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Polka Power!" from Running with Scissors (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

The Victors | Project OSPREY

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same…"
—Rudyard Kipling, "If—"

Saturday, 8 March 2014
(№ 12) Michigan 84-80 Indiana
23-7, Big Ten 15-3

I didn't see the final game of the regular season because I was at a religious retreat all day Saturday & Sunday, & before I could watch the game on Monday the house's D.V.R. gave up the ghost as a result of a three-second blackout. So, I cannot comment knowledgeably on the ebb & flow of the game. I can affirm that the streak continues: under the stewardship of head coach John Beilein, the valiant Wolverines have never lost a game in which they scored at least eighty points. Plus, who doesn't like to win on Senior Day?

Next: The winner of Illinois-Indiana (who meet on Thursday), in the second round of the Big Ten tournament on Friday, 14 March. The valiant Wolverines are the № 1 seed in the B1G tourney & are ranked № 8 in the season's final Associated Press poll. (Michigan was ranked № 7 in the preseason A.P.)

Go Blue!

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "The Alternative Polka" from Bad Hair Day (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Bohemian Polka" from Alapalooza (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link. Unique amongst "Weird Al's" polka medleys, "Bohemian Polka" isn't a medley, but a polka cover of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." "Bohemian Polka" still captures the musical Zeitgeist, just like its medley brethren; "Bohemian Rhapsody" enjoyed its greatest pop cultural success not upon its original release but after its use in the motion picture Wayne's World. Polka on, Wayne. Polka on, Garth.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Sufjan Stevens, "Amazing Grace" from Songs for Christmas (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

"'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!

"Through many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

"When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun!"

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Robert Kochis, "The Summons" via iTunes (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary:

"Will you come and follow Me, if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know, and never be the same?
Will you let My love be shown? Will you let My name be known?
Will you let My life be grown in you and you in Me?

"Will you leave yourself behind, if I but call you name?
Will you care for cruel and kind, and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare? Should your life attract or scare?
Will you let Me answer prayer in you, and you in Me?

"Will you let the blinded see, if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners, and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean, and do such as this unseen?
And to what I mean in you, and you in Me?

"Lord, your summons echoes true, when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow You, and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go, where Your love and footsteps show,
Thus I'll move and live and grow in You, You in me."

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Polka Your Eyes Out" from Off the Deep End (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

The Victors | Project OSPREY

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same…"
—Rudyard Kipling, "If—"

Tuesday, 4 March 2014
(№ 12) Michigan 84-53 Illinois
22-7, Big Ten 14-3

The valiant Wolverines of the University of Michigan are outright, undisputed Champions of the Big Ten! All congratulations to the '13-'14 squad of valiant Wolverines for earning Michigan's first solo title since 1986 & second at-least-partial conference title in three seasons. The Big Ten was first known as the Western Conference, & the valiant Wolverines are now truly Champions of the "West."

Hail! to the victors valiant!
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes!
Hail! Hail! to Michigan
The leaders and best!

Hail! to the victors valiant!
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes!
Hail! Hail! to Michigan
The Champions of the West!

After such a dominant victory, especially one that secured a prize as sought-after as the conference title, it is vitally important to remember the wisdom of "If—." This triumph is indeed an impostor. Skilled as efficient as Michigan's offense is, it will not reliably be as overwhelming as it appeared Tuesday night; rare indeed will be the half in which the valiant Wolverines score fifty-two points on almost seventy per cent field goal shooting. I am a better winner than I am a loser, by which I mean I am better able to retain a sense of perspective after a win than after a loss. Regardless of all other variables, I was well-pleased to see the valiant Wolverines not fall behind early, as had become their habit of late.

Next: Indiana, at home on Saturday in the regular-season finale. February's 63-52 defeat at the hands of the wily Hoosiers was one of our most irksome losses of this campaign, & my hope is that the valiant Wolverines will be looking for both revenge & to (further) stamp their authority on the conference title with a win. (Or maybe that's just me.)

Go Blue!

Project GLOWWORM
Also, I'm a fan of Illinois head coach John Groce, but I'm really a fan of the bright orange sport coat he was wearing on Tuesday. One of the many proofs of the evil of the Entertainment & Sports Programming Network is that even in its "E.S.P.N. on A.B.C." guise, its correspondents do not wear corporate logo blazers, much less the glorious yellow sport coats that were the trademark of A.B.C.'s Wide World of Sports. We here at The Secret Base applaud Coach Groce's stand against the uniform tyranny of blue, black, & gray coats. (Of course, I write that last sentence as a chap whose formal wardrobe consists of a blue suit, a gray suit, a charcoal suit, a tuxedo [black], a gray sport coat, & a brown sport coat, which though not enumerated as part of the "uniform tyranny" is common enough.)


Chief Illiniwek forever!

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "The Hot Rocks Polka" from U.H.F.: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

Urbi et Orbi | Operation AXIOM

Today begins the penitential season of Lent, a season of fasting & abstinence culminating in the Easter Triduum, the holiest of holy observances, the death & resurrection of Christ Jesus. What God the Father would not permit Abraham to do on Mount Moriah, He was willing to do for each & every one of us. The Christ took the sin of all the world upon his sinless breast, & died the death our wickedness had earned us. But first we commemorate the forty days in the desert the Christ endured before setting out upon His ministry. We sacrifice not for sacrifice's sake, not as a hypocritical display of our own piety, but to unclutter our lives, our minds, so that we might spend more time with Him, might more clearly hear His voice. Today begins the penitential season of Lent, thanks be to God.

The Gospel According to Matthew, 7:13-14 (N.A.B.)

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few.

Project GLOWWORM
I forgo my customary hat on Ash Wednesday, in a bid to preserve the ashes on my forehead. (Forgive me this vanity.) This makes Ash Wednesday one of the strangest days of the year, a fun reminder of how swiftly things change, because it was not so long ago that I almost never wore a hat, & that didn't seem even the slightest bit odd. Of course, this will be a bitter cold day go go about without a hat, but such is the price to be paid for the Best Winter Ever.

I'm dreaming of a white Easter…

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of Ash Wednesday
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Polka Party!" from Polka Party! (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Hooked on Polkas" from Dare to Be Stupid (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

The Explorers' Club, № CCCLXXXII

Born from Jets, Part II: The Saab 37 Viggen ("bolt").







Operation AXIOM
Blogger informs me that this is the forty-eight hundredth post in the history of The Secret Base of the Rebel Black Dot Society. Holy smoke! 4,800 posts! I shall have to pay closer attention & make a bigger deal out of our five thousandth post later this year. Wow!

The Rebel Black Dot Polka Medley of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Polkas on 45" from "Weird Al" Yankovic in 3-D (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: Polka-link.

Code Name: CHAOS

RE: The Secret Base's new hockey feature, I very much like the code name Operation AMPHION, but hesitate due to its similarity to our anniversary & holiday feature, Operation AXIOM. AMPHION, AXIOM. I then considered a number of avian names paired with "project," liking the parallels to Project OSPREY, the hockey feature's acknowledged inspiration. I dismissed code names that sounded like 1980s action movies, like Project EAGLE or Project CONDOR, & alliterative code names, like Project PUFFIN or Project PARAKEET. (Project PENGUIN was never a prospect, despite its icy appropriateness, because of my disdain for Sidney Crosby, & through him the Pittsburgh Penguins.) I thought about the osprey's aquatic diet & thus seabirds, & came upon a name laden with aural & visual quality & the delightful complexity of multiple layers of allusion & meaning. Hockey will henceforth be discussed at The Secret Base under the tile of "Project ALBATROSS."

The valiant Wolverines of the University of Michigan's men's ice hockey team will be blogged about under the joint auspices of Project ALBATROSS & "The Victors." College basketball is billed as "The Victors | Project OSPREY" & so college hockey will be billed as "The Victors | Project ALBATROSS." College football is billed simply as "The Victors" because, frankly, Michigan is a football school. We here at The Secret Base support all valiant Wolverines competing in all sports, but first & last Michigan is a football school. How so? The men's & women's basketball teams play in the Crisler Center (formerly the Crisler Arena), named after "Fritz" Crisler, a national championship-winning football coach & athletic director. The men's & women's ice hockey teams play in Yost Ice Arena (formerly Yost Fieldhouse), named after & build by Fielding Yost, the multiple national championship-winning football coach & athletic director. Yes, the basketball & hockey teams play their home games in facilities named after football coaches. Michigan is a football school, so in football "The Victors" needs no other adornment.

My sense is that the Detroit Red Wings, to the limited extent that they are discussed, will be billed under "Project ALBATROSS" alone, instead of "Project ALBATROSS | Believe" or "Project ALBATROSS | The Winged Wheel." This is because I cannot in good conscience cheer for the Red Wings as long as the monster Bertuzzi disgraces their august uniform with his vile presence. He is very much an albatross hanging around Hockeytown's neck, thank you Samuel Taylor Coleridge. I eagerly await returning to the fold as soon as he is off the Red Wings' roster, but even then the schism he caused will not soon be forgotten. It's not that I wish the Red Wings any ill will. I cheer them as I cheer all of Detroit's professional athletic clubs, because their success is good for the City of Detroit & good for the State of Michigan. But I've tried to watch the Red Wings, & I just can't. My blood runs cold as soon as the monster Bertuzzi takes the ice. That fiend should have been banned from the N.H.L. for life after he broke another player's neck in deliberate retaliation for an earlier incident; it sickens me that he not only continues to play in the N.H.L. but plays for my beloved Red Wings. ALBATROSS alone will suffice then for the Wings.

Project ALBATROSS
Coming soon, or at least sooner rather than later.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Brian Carpenter's Ghost Train Orchestra, "Mojo Strut" from Hothouse Stomp: The Music of 1920s Chicago and Harlem (T.L.A.M.)

The Victors | Project OSPREY

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same…"
—Rudyard Kipling, "If—"

(№ 16) Michigan 66-56 Minnesota
21-7, Big Ten 13-3

The truly gratifying factor in tonight's victory was the valiant Wolverines' hustle. Every time the luckless Golden Gophers closed the gap—repeatedly drawing within two points, often because of a Michigan turnover due to a lazy or too-casual pass—a valiant Wolverine, often sophomore guard "Spike" Albrecht, would make a fantastic play, out-hustling everyone else on the court. The salutary effect of hustle in sport, most especially in basketball, can scarcely be overestimated. Hustle makes up for deficiencies in talent & scheme. Hustle nullifies an opponent's psychological advantage, & what's more can even psych out that same opponent. Hustle makes everyone on the club better. Hustle is the nearest thing there is to a panacea. The valiant Wolverines had the talent & the scheme to prevail, but the luckless Golden Gophers were dogged in their pursuit. Tonight, hustle carried the day. How appropriate that hustle was the watchword on the day the valiant Wolverines secured at least a share of the Big Ten championship. With a single win in either of the last two games, Michigan will win the conference title outright for the first time since 1986, before any of the current players was born. Very well done, men. You have my thanks, & the thanks of a grateful Wolverine Nation.

Next: Illinois, on the road. This will be the valiant Wolverines' first & only regular-season meeting with the feisty Fighting Illini. Go Blue!


Chief Illiniwek forever!

The Victors (ice hockey) | The Winged Wheel
I've recently discussed hockey, especially the virtues of attending games at Michigan's Yost Ice Arena, with Project PANDORA prospects Mike Lima & November. Yesterday, a few moments spent watching the N.H.L. Network informed me that the Eastern Conference (formerly known by the vastly superior name of the Prince of Wales Conference) has two divisions, the Atlantic Division & the Metropolitan Division. These are not ideal names, but they are better than the Big Ten Conferences erstwhile "Leaders" & "Legends" divisions. I was aware that the Detroit Red Wings had recently switched the Western Conference (formerly the Clarence Campbell Conference) to the Eastern, & I generally supported the move, both because it would allow the Red Wings to play a lot more games in the Eastern Time Zone & because it increased the frequency with which the Wings would face fellow "Original Six" clubs the Montreal Canadiens, the Toronto Maple Leafs, the Boston Bruins, & the New York Rangers, with the unfortunate consequence of fewer games against the last "Original Six" club, the Chicago Blackhawks. But I had no idea that the N.H.L. had been reorganized into four divisions under the two conferences: Atlantic & Metropolitan in the East, Central & Pacific in the West. Also, I was reminded yesterday of the Big Ten Networks "Frozen Fridays," as the Big Ten is now a six-club men's ice hockey conference.

The takeaway? The time has come for an ice hockey version of the highly successful Project OSPREY, which reignited my love of collegiate basketball in early 2008. This will be tough sledding, since the monster Bertuzzi still sullies the good name of the Red Wings with his vile personage (this is why the once thriving "Believe" has become the neglected "The Winged Wheel"), but I believe that like Project OSPREY this new, or rather renewed interest will pay handsome dividends. A code name has yet to be assigned, in part because OSPREY set the bar so darned high. As ever, treasured readers, I will keep you abreast of developments.

The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
Nirvana, "Come As You Are" from Nevermind (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: The R.B.D.S.O.T.D. was meant to be "Little Brown Jug" as performed by the University of Michigan Marching Band, on the occasion of Michigan hosting Minnesota in men's basketball. (The valiant Wolverines & the luckless Golden Gophers vie for the Little Brown Jug, the oldest rivalry trophy in collegiate sport, in football.) That was a cerebral R.D.B.S.O.T.D. selection, made yesterday. This morning, as I repeatedly depressed the "snooze" button on my alarm clock, drifting in that pleasant, fuzzy state 'twixt slumber & wakefulness, "Come As You Are" started running through my head/the last vestiges of my dreams. That is a visceral R.B.D.S.O.T.D. selection, the choice not of my intellect (or, in your author's case, the secondhand difference engine that suffices in the stead of an actual intellect) but of the ever-mysterious muse. I love visceral choices, love their spontaneity & their snapshot of my Zeitgeist, but I also love cerebral choices, their deliberateness & their reflection of careful scheming. Plus, the muse doesn't always sing, or I can't always hear her. Visceral R.B.D.S.O.T.D. are great, but they are sporadic.

"Come as you are, as you were,
As I want you to be…"