News Roundup
For the last few days, Peter Jennings has been practically beside himself with glee when stating that November has been the month with second highest number of American soldiers and marines killed since the Iraq War began. (Mr. Jennings, in case you do not watch ABC's World News Tonight, is very much against the war. I'm sure he's not actually glad our boys are dying, he just sees a high number of deaths as the best way to get us to cut-and-run from Iraq.) While he has mentioned that the high number of deaths is mostly attributable to Operation PHANTOM FURY in Fallujah and Operation PLYMOUTH ROCK in other Sunni triangle cities, he has not seen fit to mention that since the fall of Fallujah (note to self: don't piss off the Marines) the number of daily attacks on multinational forces in Iraq has fallen by between 40 and 50%. Rather and Brokaw are done; two down, one to go.

The election fraud and resulting demonstrations in Ukraine are very important. Very important. But every time I see or hear a news story it, I can't help but be reminded that this may be the first news story I've heard form Ukraine since the country gained it's independence in 1991. Hmmm, almost as if good jounralism is dead, and all today's "jounralists" know how to do is play bunchball around a story once it's too big to ignore.

My friend Olga left the Soviet Union in 1990, when she was eleven. She's an ethnic Russian, but grew up in or around Kiev. I should ask her what, if anything, she thinks about the current goings-on.

Ooo, the latest news on the growing gulf between what my father believes and the real world: Edward R. Murrow was a Communist, or at the least a Red sympathizer. He was not the venerable newsman we all believe him to be, but a damned, dirty pinko. And that's why he took down Senator Joe McCarthy, a GREAT AMERICAN who DID NOTHING WRONG. The really funny thing about the evolution of Meine Vater's beliefs over the last few years is that back in the day he always denounced revisionist historians. Now he embraces revised history, as long as the revisions fit his philosophy. Come to think of it, that's not so much funny as it is sad.

Hyperlink. The position of the United States is very clear: grant us an exemption covering the landmines already in place along the Korean DMZ and we will gladly agree to the provisions of the Ottawa Mine Ban Treaty. It is not the US who is being unreasonable here, it is the do-gooders who won't compromise.

H-A-N
Have a night in charge.

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This is the fourth time I've tried to blog today, and the first time the fucking interface has fucking worked. The bastards at Pyra Labs, a division of Google, can rot.

Saturday afternoon, The Watergirl, in town for the holiday weekend, called to say we were going out to the bar that night. This general plan had been agreed upon a full week before Thanksgiving. If you know me at all, you are not surprised that I backed out and missed the chance to see my friend, who won't be in Michigan over Christmas, to watch Love Actually with the family. The bar just can't compete with the Mountain's last night in town.

Go Honolulu Blue!
I love my Lions, but I did not wear my T-shirt on Friday. I wore it Tuesday, halfway between Sunday's loss and Thursday's loss. I've done my bit for the silver and Honolulu blue, and I'll be damned if I wear the scarlet letter twice in one week. We're 4-7, having dropped five straight. 6-10 is still entirely possible, if the boys man up and pull together as a team.

H-A-N
Have an ambushed night (by an evil clown).

The Mountain is home. Huzzah! Tonight we watched the Enterprise episodes "The Expanse," "The Xindi," and "Anomaly."

Vote For Kodos - The Future
Hyperlink. I hope to God the Iranians really are giving up their drive for nuclear weapons. But, if theirs is a peaceful, above-the-board program, why was it kept secret for eighteen years? Iran is a signatory to multiple treaties that require them to openly declare all attempts to develop peaceful nuclear power technology. Peaceful nuclear power is perfectly legal according to international law, why keep such a program secret? I genuinely hope they are giving up their attempt to get the bomb, because if the Islamic Republic of Iran goes nuclear, our options range from very, very bad to utterly catastrophic.

H-A-N
Have a ball tonight.

I've been having (or at least fuzzily remembering) an unusually high number of dreams lately. Generally, speaking, I can go months without recalling a single dream I've had. Yet, I recall three in the past week. This morning, I was some sort of secret agent, but I had only just come to terms with that state of affairs when I woke up. Yesterday, I fought an extended battle to save a group of children from some kind of giant land squid. I'm not sure how it moved around on land, but it had to be a land squid as the house the children and I occupied was definitely far inland. There were some women there I presumed to be the children's mothers, but I was a stranger to both the moms and the kids. The squid kept incurring its tentacles into opposite sides of the house and I'm not sure how I was able to nearly simultaneously repell attacks from different directions. Go me! And last week, I don't remember the first part of the dream, but in the seocnd part I was going down on Naomi Watts. In the dream, this struck me as odd since I'm mildly pissed off at everyone involved in the horrible, horrible I Heart Huckabees.

I wish I'd stop remembering dreams, since remembering them always corresponds to be generally tired.

Hello, Kitty
I'm getting really fucking sick of the cat. Mom bought American cheese this weekend and I made the mistake of feeding him most of a slice. Now all he wants is American cheese. He's ignoring his food and whining constantly. He'll sit on my lap, but then randomly get up and climb up on my chest, bringing his face very close to mine. I have no cheese, Sam, I can't help you.... And just now he bit my arm. That fucking cat.

H-A-N
Have a made up night.

I was working at The Palace yesterday (during a 117-116 double overtime victory over the expansion Charlotte Bobcats) when I saw Kid Rock sitting courtside. I loathe the man's music and public persona. Nevertheless, as the game went on I felt a swelling of sympathy for him. Whenever play stopped, autograph seekers and photograph hounds would amble up to him as if they knew him and ask for his signature or a picture of their kid with him. He submitted to all requests; when Palace personnel inquired if he wanted them to put a stop to the appraoches, he waved them off. I don't know if that signaled nobility on his part, or simply resignation. Nevertheless, the entire exercise struck me as being incredibly sad. For Bog's sake, can't the man watch a basketball game in peace?! It is one thing to seek an autograph or a picture after one of his horrible concerts, or at a promotional appearance; such is the price of fame. But the man was just trying to take in a game. Do people think he belongs to them, that by buying his recoreds (or simply recognizing his face, as in my case) they are someone entitled to a small slice of his life? Leave him alone!

In many ways, it must be a terrible things to be famous.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Today, I wore one of my many Michigan T-shirts; tomorrow, my sole Detroit Lions short. Thank Bog for Joe Pa and the mighty Penn State Nittany Lions, or it would have been an entirely unhappy weekend. That's not completely accurate. Though I am disappointed our pathetic display on Saturday is being rewarded with a trip to Pasadena (I'm Catholic, I like the idea of penance), it's never a bad thing when Wisconsin loses. Boy howdy, Kirk Ferentz has done just a fantastic job at Iowa. Between Iowa, Ohio State, us, and Michigan State (they should be a good team), and who knows what Wisconsin and Purdue will do, the Big Ten will be a very interesting conference next season.

Go Honolulu Blue!
To finish 8-8, my preseason bench mark for a successful season, the Lions must go 4-2 in their six remaining games. I know they have it in them, I just don't know if they know that. Come on, boys, you know you're better than this.

Enterprise - Season 4
"Storm Front, Part I"
"Storm Front, Part II"
"Home"
"Borderland"
"Cold Station 12"
"The Augments"
"The Forge"

In January, the Sci Fi Channel is moving new episodes of Stargate SG-1 to the 8pm timeslot, head to head with Star Trek: Enterprise. No contest. I'll be watching the crappy, crappy eighth season episodes of SG-1 later, on videotape. Thirty-eight years and counting of Star Trek; hail to the king, baby.

Federation
Earth
Vulcan
Andoria
Tellar

The fourth season of Star Trek: Enterprise is awesome.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year - The Game The Debacle
Hey, I've got a great idea, let's throw on fourth down! You fucking idiots.

Lloyd Carr is a great football coach. I have never suggested that he should be fired, nor am I doing so now. I have oftened criticized his decisions, including once going so far after a disappointing loss to Purdue as to send an email reminding him that NCAA football games are sixty minuts long, not thirty. But, I have never suggested that he should be replaced. (I dare anyone to confront me with evidence of making such a statement.) Lloyd Carr has an incredible career winning percentage and he has done what even the legendary Bo never managed: he won a national championship. That said, Lloyd Carr did a very poor job coaching his team today. His defense was not prepared for the Ohio State offense, his offense was not prepared for the Ohio State defense, and his staff did a poor job of adjusting during the game. Ohio State outplayed us in every facet of the game, and a lot of the blame must fall on the coaching staff in general and Head Coach Lloyd Carr in particular. He is the man; so, the buck must stop there.

The Roman senator Marcus Porcius Cato (the Elder, a.k.a. "the Censor," hyperlink) was known to end all of his speeches, regardless of their subject, by saying, "I also think Carthage should be destroyed." I feel that Michigan's offensive coordinator, Terry Malone (hyperlink), is incompetent and must be fired. I am tempted to end all of my Newsletter columns with the declaration, "I also think Terry Malone should be fired."

I have criticized Braylon Edwards as overrated from the moment he first stepped onto the field wearing No. 80. This year, he has redeemed himself, earning the absolute right to wear the coveted No. 1. It is sad to note that on a crucial fourth down today, he played like the "Stonehands" of old. Edwards has proven himself capable of far better play, and even my dark, spiteful heart goes out to him after that inexcusable drop.

Chad Henne and Mike Hart are going to do great things as Michigan Wolverines, but today, they cracked under the pressure and played horrendously. They weren't up to the challenge. What remains to be seen now is how they pick themselves up and respond in the bowl game. They are amazingly talented players. The one positive thing that might be taken away from today's disastrous loss is the psychological toughness that will help the froshies overcome later adversity.

I hate the University of Wisconsin Badgers. I hate them not more, but differently than I hate the Ohio State Buckeyes, for whom I have at least a grudging respect. I don't respect anything about the Badgers; I hate every single thing about them and their program. Despite this enmity and my admiration for Kirk Ferentz, I hope Wisconsin defeats Iowa today and earns the right to go to the Rose Bowl. Michigan simply does not deserve the honor of representing the Big Ten, not after today's humilition. We had our chance and we failed. We don't deserve to go to Pasadena.

And yes, I will be wearing a Michigan T-shirt on Monday. Win, lose, or draw (now an impossibility in NCAA football), they are my team, now and forever. Go Blue!

H-A-N
Have a surreal night.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year - The Game
Wow, we did a really good job on the Ohio State touchdown. Only three men rushed the quarterback, and we had single coverage on the receiver. Three + one = four. We had eleven men on the field and only four doing anything; WHERE THE FUCK WERE THE OTHER SEVEN?! In the replay you can see them, standing in place, none of them within ten yards of a Buckeye. For fuck's sake!

THE LAST ANGRY MAN
by Mike Wilson
Volume I
September-December '01
"On the Existence of Right and Wrong"
"Radio Free Wilson, 1 of 3"
"Radio free Wilson, 2 of 3"
"Radio Free Wilson, 3 of 3"
"Sympathy for the Devil"
BIZARRO "Why I'm Right and Everyone Else Is Wrong"
"A Very Blue Tree Whacking Christmas"

Volume II
January-April '02
"Best Blue Tree Whacking Day Ever!"
"Waiting For Episode II"
"Blasting Across the Alkali Flats in a Rocket-Propelled, Monkey-Navigated..."
"WDFA"
"Bellvm Americana"
"Pax Americana"
"Empire of Ideas"
"Same Thing, Only Better"

Volume III
May-August '02
"Never His Mind On Where He Was, What He Was Doing"
"Summer of Star Wars"
"The Power of Steeze"
"I Left My Heart in San Francisco"

Volume IV
September-October '02
"The Year of United We Stand"
"Year One"
"Utopia Parkway"

***intermission***

Volume V
February-April '04
"Fear and Loathing in the Strait of Taiwan, 1 of 3"
"Fear and Loathing in the Strait of Taiwan, 2 of 3"
"Fear and Loathing int he Strait of Taiwan, 3 of 3"
"Malaise Forever"
"Freedom Fries"
"The Indefensible Defense of Marriage Act"

Volume VI
May-August '04
"Cinco de Mayo, or How Mexico Told the French Where to Shove It"
"Dominion Day, or How Canada Shut Up and Did As It Was Told"
"Independence Day, or How It Became Morning Again in America"
"Halcyon Days at Ottawa Hills Cabana Club"

Volume VII
September-December '04
"Muscular Wilsonianism, 1 of 2"
"Muscular Wilsonianism, 2 of 2"
"I Don't Trust Clark Kent"
"Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kodos"
"Cancel The Simpsons!"
Vol. VII, No. 6
Vol. VII, No. 7
Vol. VII, No. 8

Man, The Newsletter is so great.

H-A-N
Have a night under surveillance.

Wookiees!

The U.R.B.A.N. Commandos
The organization that eventually became the U.R.B.A.N. Commandos was founded in 1953 as an enforcement arm of the Internal revenue Service, the Universal Revenue, Bankruptcy, and Asset Negotiation Command. The Command's agents were first called "commandos" as a joke. As ar arm of the I.R.S., the modern Commandos have a broad mandate to investigate pretty much anyone or anything that pays taxes, meaning they have nigh-universal jurisdiction. Cross them and you'll be audited until you beg for the sweet release of death.

The continental United States is divided into six regional commands: New England, Great Lakes, Dixie, Prairie, Southwest, and Left Coast. Each regional commander is a major, with three captains under him. Each captain in turn leads three two-man teams of Commandos. The Great Lakes Regional Commander is Major Frank Dick, Captain Dick's younger brother. Captain Dick's three pairs of agents are Smith and Winkler, Swift and Hoefstra, and Chang and Dorfman. (Smith and Winkler are not only Captain Dick's best men, but the best U.R.B.A.N. Commandos or all time.) The national commander is a shadowy figure known only as "the Colonel." In reality, unbeknownst even to the Commandos themselves, the Colonel is a mid-level bureaucrat at the I.R.S.

films...
Smith and Winkler: The Final Hoe-Down
Smith and Winkler Save Christmas

not yet produced...
Smith and Winkler Vs. Smythe and Winkelman
Smith and Winkler in The French Poodle Caper
Smith and Winkler Save the World

Go Honolulu Blue!
Any given team can beat any other team on any given day. That's why they play the games. Sure, the Minnesota Vikings are a formidable team (though not as formidable since they have dropped to 5-4), but what better way for the Lions to reverse the current three-game skid then by besting Daunte Culpepper? Not that he talks much trash, but it's time for Joey Heisman to put up or shut up. More importantly, after Sunday's horrific drop, why is tight end Stephen Alexander still drawing a paycheck? I want that hack cut! There's plenty of blame to spread around the Lions lockerroom, but bygones will be bygones if they can still finish 8-8.

Two cable guys came by and we're back in business.

The League of Nations
Notice, 20,000 Frenchmen MIGHT be in danger in Ivory Coast and the United Nations swings into action with an arms embargo. Hyperlink. Meanwhile, 70,000 Sudanese ARE DEAD and Sudan still sits on the Human Rights Commission. If this is not a dysfuntional organization, I don't know what is. I am sorely disappointed that President Bush has not told the UN to sit on the bench while we take care of this, or at least give the African Union license to kill at the janjweed they can lay their hands on. (When all else fails, sic the Nigerians on them.) We have not been able to pass a stronger Un resolution on Darfur because of a threatened French veto. Notice how we do not play politics with people's lives the way they do; we supported their mission in Ivory Coast at the same tiem they refuse to let us stop the slaughter in Darfur. I'm sorry, guys, but France really isn't a force for good in this world.

If you can make an arguent that they are, please comment, or if want more space to make your case, email me at rebelblackdot@gmail.com and I'll post it here on the Secret Base.

H-A-N
Have a suspicious night.

A quick note. We are having cable modem-centric internet access problems here at the Wilson household. Until they are resolved, posts will be short and sporatic, if they exist at all. Stiff upper lip.

Mountains and Mountains of Love
Fathers, lock up your daughters, the 60 Days of Healing are up. The Mountain of Love is officially back on the prowl.

Late on Sunday night, I finished The Salmon of Truth by Douglas Adams. The fiction portion at the end was amusing, but the two thirds that are non-fiction made me want to claw my eyes out. His writing about HALs was shockingly unfunny, and like most atheists, he considered Christians "otherwise intelligent people." If I had met him in real life, I would have refused to shack his hand. Since he's dead, I'm going to enjoy a little chuckle at the thought of him buring in Hell for all eternity. Hee hee hee. What an asshole.

H-A-N
Have a prankish night.

*** REAL CAN OF YAMS *** LIVE ON STAGE! *** THURSDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2004 *** THE LOCAL IN EXILE ***
To the best of my knowledge, the show will be at The Local in Exile, next door to The Flint Local 432 at the club Metropolis. Watch ye olde Secret Base for further details. Be there or you suck.

Real Can of Yams, Good or Suck!

Murky Transport Disaster, The Murky Transport Disaster Disaster Transport Transport Disaster

BTW - Blue Tree Whacking
RCY - Real Can of Yams
MTD - Murky Transport Disaster

H-A-N
Have a poached night.

May 19, 2005: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
After Michigan's loss to Notre Dame in the second game of the year, I guaranteed that we would lose three games this season, with a strong probability that we would lose four. Losing four games is now impossible; Michigan only has two games left, next Saturday's clash against Ohio State and a bowl game, in all likelihood to be played on January 1, 2005. It seems terribly unlikely that we will lose both of those last two games. My pessimism after the terrible Notre Dame game was partially borne out of despair and panic, I am man enough to admit that. But in my defense, it was also based on a cold analysis of the season ahead.

The guaranteed two and predicted three loses were to be in games against Iowa, Purdue, and Ohio State. For reasons that are not fully understood, for we always seemed to be the superior team, Iowa has had our number the last few years. They have seemed to have the game of their season against us, to our detriment. Not unreasonably, I feared this sorry tradition might continue (as it happened, the Wolverines defeated the Hawkeyes 30-17). At one point in the season, before an unimaginable four-game losing streak (Losing Streak?), Purdue was No. 5 in the nation. I feared that against Purdue we would find oursleves in a shootout, and might not be able to keep pace with their once-high powered offense (as it happened, the Wolverines defeated the Boilermakers 16-14). The Wolverines and the hated Buckeyes have not yet met, but going into the game, I am optimistic. At the beginning of the year, Ohio State appeared much more formidable than at present. Jim Tressel's team have always played smothering offense coupled with anemic offense. Odd as it may sound, they have had success with that forumla and I saw no fundamental reson why this bewildering strategy would not succeed once again. It may very well yet prevail, but I for one believe there will be no joy in Muddville next weeknd, not the Buckeys will strike out.

Additionally, I did not believe that Chad Henne would improve as dramatically as he has. He is nineteen years old, a true freshman, yet he is playing with more poise than John Navarre displayed in his entire misbegotten career. David Underwood might be a really good guy, just an incredible human being, but he isn't a very good football player. He wasn't when he was backing up Chris Perry, and he wasn't in the starting roll this year. And if you say that you knew all along Michael Hart would prove be to as good as he has, you are a damned liar (with the possible exception of Reed, you lives relatively near Hart's high school). So, with a combination of uncertain talent for Michigan, and should-have-been-good teams for our opposition, I was not entirely out of line when I predicted a difficult season for my beloved Wolverines. Fortunately, they and their opponents have proven me wrong, and whether we go to the Rose Bowl is solely in our hands.

Go Honolulu Blue!
The worst thing about the way we are playing is not that we're losing games, but that we seem to be getting fundamentally worse with each game. I hope against hope we're just getting off to a slow start; as I type this, there are still 3:00 minutes left in the first quarter and the Jaguars are leading the Lions 7-0.

Vote For Kodos - The Left
"I have to confess that it's crossed my mind that you could not be a Republican and a Christian." --Hillary Rodham Clinton, 3.1.1997.

I am asking my "southpaw" friends and the Democratic Party for a favor: please please please please please nominate Senator Clinton as your presidential candidate in '08. Pretty please? With sugar on top?

And then of course, there is former president Jimmy. According to Jimmy and the criteria of his Carter Center, the United States has neither fair elections nor a functioning democracy. Why, you ask? Because we suppress the rights of third parites by allowing non-government funding of campaigns. That's funny, because I don't remember Governor Jimmy in the 1976 campaign, nor President Jimmy running for reelection in 1980 being huge supporters of third parties.

In the 1980 campaign, Representative John Anderson (formerly R, Illinois) ran as an independent candidate. He got 7% of the nation vote, including my mother's vote, the only time in nine presidential contests she didn't vote for the Democratic candidate. (She voted for Jimmy in '76, but regretted it by '80.) As Ralph Nader will tell you, 7% nationally is a damn good result for a third party candidate. There was only one presidential debate in 1980's general election, which included Ronald Reagan's now classic line, "There you go again." John Anderson was not on the stage, yet Jimmy still signed off on this debate as both free and fair. Way to be a hypocrite, Jimmy, way to be a hypocrite.

Vote For Kodos - Bush Country
Hyperlink. Fools! Dick Cheney will never die! If FOUR heart attacks couldn't kill him, nothing can! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

H-A-N
Have a safe night.

Hockey?
The bad news for the National Hockey League is that it's November and I don't miss the Red Wings. The good news for the National Hockey League is that I rarely watch any televised NHL games before the New Year; so, not missing the Wings might not be significant. Of course, I haven't been reading about them in the paper or online, which I normally would be doing at this time of year. I won't really miss hockey until January, after the college football bowl season, when I normally start regularly watching Wings games and randomly catching an assortment of other NHL games. But, man, this strike is such a bad idea. I hate to break it to the players, but the NHL doesn't get NFL- or NBA-type ratings and doesn't generate NFL- or NBA-type revenue; so, it can't afford to pay NFL- or NBA-type salaries. It's the free market in action; stop whing and go back to work.

H-A-N
Have a flirtatious night.

Vote For Kodos* - Bush Country
As I write this, President Bush and Prime Minister Blair has just concluded their joint press conference. If you want to know why I voted for President Bush, if you want to know why I love President Bush and why I believe he has become a great president, all you need to do is read his remarks and his answers to today's questions. Wilsonianism is on the march, in large part due to George W. Bush and Tony Blair. Thank you, gentlemen.

*For those of you who may be wondering (and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one), I'm going to keep calling political and geopolitical posts "Vote For Kodos" until President Bush's second inauguration on January 20, 2005.

This is interesting. The Chinese would be best served by treading lightly; the Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force is the world's third most powerful and technologically advanced navy, after only the United States Navy and the Royal Navy (which is superior largely due to far greater size).

This article also took me back to the Fall of 1995 and my first ever debate tournament. My temporary partner Todd and I were rookie JV master debaters, but were promoted to Varsity for that tournament. We quite literally weren't in the same league as our opponents. That year's debate topic? China. As the Negative team, our reponse to every Affirmative was "strategic tripolarity," i.e. the notion the Chinese couldn't do anything too radical in the region vis-a-vis challenging American hegemony, for fear that such action would push the Japanese to rearm and assume a more aggressive stance. Strategic tripolarity in action! Huzzah!

The Nobel Peace Prize
Yasser Arafat is dead! Hip-hip, hurray! Hip-hip, hurray! Hip-hip, hurray! Hyperlink. Yasser Arafat was a terrorist. His whole life, was willing to kill civilians - men, women, and children - to forward his cause. By signing the Oslo Accords in 1993, he tried to trick the world into believing he was other than he was; but when he rejected Ehud Barak's peace proposals in 2000, proposals that would have given the Palestinians everything they could ever hope to get, he showed his true colors and launched the second intifada. As I type this, Arafat's soul in is Hell, which is exactly what he deserves. His death marks today as a great day for the Israelis and, more importantly, for the Palestinians. The Palestinians are the worst lead people on Earth. No other population, not even the North Koreans, has had a leadership so diametrically opposed to its people's wellfare as have the Palestinians. The murderer and terrorist Yasser Arafat is dead. Today is a great day for all Mankind.

Armistice Day
Thank God for America's veterans. They have defeated, in turn, imperial domination, slavery, fascism, and communism, and today do battle with genocidal jihadism. My purpose is not to take anything away from them, for they deserve all the honor in the world. But, I have always liked this quote from Second World Ware veteran Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.:

"Armistice Day was sacred. Veterans Day is not."

Eighty-six years ago today, at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, the Great War came to an end. May we never forget that dread war and it's terrible lessons, for we do so at our peril.

Vote For Kodos - Patriots and Loyalists
I have noted with great glee and enjoyment the joking suggestion by many on the American Left that they are seriously considering moving to the Dominion of Canda in the wake of President Bush's reelection. Personally, I believe it is a fabulous idea. The last time a large number of Americans voluntarily moved to Canada was following the successful conclusion of the Revolutionary War. (I consider the flight of escaped slaves to Canada an involuntary relocation, since after Dred Scott it was painfully clear that no place in the United States was a safe enough refuge.) These Loyalists refused to recognize the new Republic over their mad king George III, and so they relocate to where His Majesty still held sway. Had they stayed, they would he worked relentlessly to undermine our fledging democracy, and in the chaos of the Articles of Confederation and the Shay's Rebellion crisis, they might have succeeded in handing us back to the Crown. America was better off without those Loyalists who departed for Canada, and if any leftists wish to make neo-Laoyalists out of themselves today, we shall be better off without them as well.

H-A-N
Fall in love tonight.

I have to agree with Neutral Man, Operation PHANTOM FURY is a pretty good name. May the Lord watch over those poor souls in Fallujah, on both sides.

Pedro and Me... Forever
Homophobia is WRONG. Discrimination against those with HIV or full-blown AIDS is WRONG. Taking a stand against homphobia and against AIDS discimination is RIGHT. That said, sweet merciful crap, I wish Judd Winick would get off his fucking soap box and just write an entertaining comic book. Is a universe where aliens live among us and men in spandex are all that stand between the world and utter annihilation really the place for "realism" and social commentary?

Hello, Kitty
Sam actually bit at me this afternoon. That bastard! I mean, I saw it coming and was able to pull my hand back, but what the devil did I do to him? I gave him a nice lap to sit on, I petted him when he was meowing. On the other hand, for a cat he's a terrible person - selfish, bullying, and just plain mean. If he's feeling like his old (younger) self in any way, instead of the decrepit old wreck he is now, I suppose that's at least a small blessing. But if he does bite me, no more cheese for him.

H-A-N
Have a smokin' night.

I adore the fact that all of a sudden Natalie Portman is in a gajillion movies, at least three within twelve months. First, Garden State, then Closer, and next summer the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone ever, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith. Woot!

Bellvm Americana
Revolutionary War
1775-1783

War of 1812
1812-1815

Mexican War
1846-1848

Civil War
1861-1865

Spanish-American War
1898

Great War
1917-1918 (1914-1918)

Second World War
1941-1945 (1939-1945)

Korean War*
1950-1953

Vietnam War*
1965-1973 (1957-1975)

Gulf War
1991

Afghan War**
2001

Iraq War**
2003-?

*part of the Cold War
1945-1989

**part of the War on Terror
2001-?

Vote For Kodos - Bush Country
I can't see any way in which the resignation of Attorney General Ashcroft will be bad for President Bush. The AG has been broadly smeared, mostly unjustly, but nevertheless his name has become a rallying cry for the administration's opponents. Removing him will take away that lightning rod, and though those on the Left will surely find another issue, they will no longer have Ashcroft. So, politically, it's a victory for both sides: the Left is rid of the hated Ashcroft, and the Right won't have to hear the Left bemoan his "tyranny." From a policy standpoint, I also think it's a wash. Ashcroft was a pretty decent AG, but we can find somebody better.

H-A-N
Have a retro night.

"Computer, take me to the weasels!"

Do As We Say, Not As We Do
I am not glad that the situation has deteriorated in Ivory Coast. Hyperlink. I am not happy about the death of French soldiers; these are young men who love their country and who are in Ivory Coast to help that country get back on its feet. I feel the French mission in Ivory Coast has a noble goal. But, I feel it necessary to point out that though there are UN peacekeepers (typically ineffectual) in Ivory Coast, the 4,000 French troops are not part of the UN force. The French are not under UN command. When the French invaded Ivory Coast to halt the civil war, they did so without a mandate from the United Nations Security Council. My question is: why hasn't Kofi Annan denounced the unilateral French invasion of Ivory Coast as "illegal," as he has the American-led Coalition invasion of Iraq? Why were the French so dead-set against the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia invading Iraq without their approval when they went into Ivory Coast without asking Washington for so much as a "by your leave"?

This is why I have lost all faith in the United Nations. This is why I view the French Republic with such contempt. I could understand if they simply opposed us, but I cannot swallow their hypocrisy.

The League of Nations
By and by, the latest Security Council resolution on Darfur has worked like a charm. And by that, I mean that the situation has grown worse, the janjaweed continue to run wild, and as many as 70,000 people have now died. Thank Bog for the "moral authority" of the United Nations. Whatever would we do without it?

H-A-N
Have a split night.

Go Honolulu Blue!
I know Roy Williams is hurt, and I know we've lost Charles Rogers for the whole year, and that those two gentlemen are our top two wide receivers, but today's effort was pathetic. That many dropped passes, to my way of thinking, means only one thing: a lack of dedication and determination on the part of our remaining receivers. The offensive line left Joey Heisman to the cruel winds of fortune, in this case a dedicated defensive rush. *sigh* We are now 1-3 at home, and 3-1 on the road. Last year, we finished 5-3 at home; we will have to win out to equal that mark. I do not mean to be defeatist, but it will now take a minor miracle to finish the season 8-8. My preseason minimum expectations were 8-8; so, if the Lions finish 7-9 or worse, I will be sorely disappointed. With this team's talent, they should have easily won the last two contests, last weekend at Dallas and today against Washington. neither of these teams has done anything remarkable all season. And yet two weeks in a row the Lions have found a way to lose to inferior opposition.

Now is when we find out if Joey Harrington can carry us to any level of success. Now is when we find out if the Wayne Fontes era was the greatest success long-suffering Lions fans can ever hope to see. I believe in the Lions, I believe in the future. I'm just getting sick of the post-defeat ritual wearing of my Lions T-shirt.

Vote For Kodos - The Loyal Opposition
Maureen Dowd was on Meet the Press this morning. I laughed and laughed and laughed....

Vote For Kodos - The Loyal Opposition
My mom and dad's excellent friends Roz and Marty came over for dinner tonight (actually, they're still downstairs). Roz is a college English professor and is archetypally liberal. Her best joke of the evening, "I carved Bush and Cheney pumpkins." Beat. "One's scary and one's stupid." Now that's funny.

Apropos of yesterday's "Have A Night," I spent the entire afternoon on the HAL. I went a little crazy posting on the BTW Forums. At least I got a lot of Smith and Winkler ideas out of my head and "onto paper."

Smith and Winkler: The Final Hoe-Down (provisional title)
Smith and Winkler Save Christmas
Smith and Winkler in The French Poodle Caper
Smith and Winkler Vs. Smythe and Winkelman

H-A-N
Unwind tonight.

H-A-N
Have a night on the computer.
Wicked appropriate.

Vote For Kodos - Bitter Pills
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a jerk and an asshole. My life can be framed as a struggle against these baser tendencies of my character. In the few days that have passed since the election, I have tried not to gloat, tried not to exacerbate the pain felt by my many friends who were Kerry supporters; I know how angry and sad I would have been at a Bush defeat, and have tried to be sympathetic. But then, I read something like this.

(There was a lot more to this post, but when I clicked on the "Save as Draft" button, Blogspot went China Syndrome. Curse you, Pyra Labs!)

Ahem, as I have said since 2000, as long as the Democrats operate under the assumption that W. is a drooling moron, they will lose to him again and again and again. I believe that Tuesday's results bear out this theory. Along the same lines, as long as those entrusted with the stewardship of the Left assume that most Republican voters vote Republican out of ignorance and inferior intelligence, they will lose election after election after election. I believe 2002's midterm elections and this year's congressional gains bear out this theory.

I am a moderate Republican. I call myself "moderate" because I support an array of pretty liberal social positions, while at the same time generally favoring lower taxes, smaller government, and an aggressive, interventionist foreign policy. I am not a conservative, but I would have to be counted among those on the Right. Am I then an idiot? Am I ignorant? I do not know if Ms. Smiley's thinking is typical of those on the Left, but if it is, liberal, or "progressive," candidates will lose time and time and time again. Once again, welcome to Bush Country.

Vote For Kodos - Oops
I've been operating under a mistaken assumption that Michigan's Proposal 1, an effort to limit casino expansion, failed. I didn't check polls results or anything, I just assumed that Governor Granholm has succeeded in defeating the measured, based also on the fact that almost all of the people I know voted against Prop 1. I'm glad I was wrong! In big things, that makes me 2-1. President Bush won (hooray!), Proposal 1 passed (hooray!), and Proposal 2 passed (boooo!). Though Michigan went for Kerry; so, I guess my vote for Bush didn't really matter.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (May 19, 2005)
Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Star wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

For very possibly the first and last time ever, using AOL proved an advantage! You see, the teaser trailer for Revenge of the Sith is available today to AOL members, a day before it is released nationwide along with Pixar's The Incredibles. I have, of course, already watched it half a dozen times. WOO-FUCKING-HOO! Episode III is going to be just about the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone, nd after I see it, my life will be complete. Woot!

Vote For Kodos - The Right, the Left, and Gay Marriage
In Michigan and ten other states, Tuesday's election involved ballot measures to explicitly ban homosexual marriage. In some cases, as in Michigan, gay marriage already being illegal, these measures made gay marriage unconstitutional. In some cases, as in Michigan, these proposals banned not only gay marriage, but also gay civil unions and many other forms of gay partnership, up to and including property rights and insurance coverage. I support gay marriage. Not just civil unions, but marriage. (After all, a rose by any other name....) So, of course I voted against Michigan's Proposal 2. I am deeply saddened that a great many people who might otherwise have supported civil unions and other rights voted for Proposal 2 because they feared gay marriage would be imposed upon them by a judge or panel of judges, possibly from outside the state.

Within my little blog universe (the blogs I read, which are also read by a number of my friends and acquaintances), there is nigh-universal condemnation of Proposal 2's passage. Some of this condemnation has taken the form of blaming all on those dastardly conservatives! This is the comment more immediately responsible for this post.

In Michigan, Proposal 2 passed with 60% of the vote. Senator Kerry carried Michigan with 51%. Thus, even if all of the Bush voters voted for Prop 2 (and I am living proof that not all did), 12% of the electorate who voted for Kerry also supported Prop 2. This tells me that not only conservatives were frightened by the prospect of court-imposed gay marriage. Most of the readers of this blog and its "neighbors" my not like the fact, but a sizable majority of the American people oppose gay marriage. Most of these people are not homophobes, they are simply uncomfortable with a fairly radical, though entirely logical, change to the "institution of marriage."

Senator Kerry did not support gay marriage, though he was for civil unions. The same holds true for Senator Edwards. Moderate Republicans like Rudolph Guiliani, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and your humble narrator oppose constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage, but that does not mean that as soon as one of these moderates achieves higher office, gay marriage will become a reality. A LARGE NUMBER OF DEMOCRATIC VOTERS SUPPORTED MICHIGAN'S PROPOSAL 2. The American people, on both sides of the aisle, are scared of gay marriage, and it will take time and patience to convince them otherwise. Conservative Republicans are guilty of a great many things, but they cannot be solely blamed for Tuesday's emphatic rejection of anything and everything even remotely resembling gay marriage.

H-A-N
Have a vain night.

Vote For Kodos - The Presidents of the United States
George Washington
1789-1797

John Adams
1797-1801

Thomas Jefferson
1801-1809

James Madison
1809-1817

James Monroe
1817-1825

John Quincy Adams
1825-1829

Andrew Jackson
1829-1837

Martin Van Buren
1837-1841

William Henry Harrison
1841

John Tyler
1841-1845

James Polk
1845-1849

Zachary Taylor
1849-1850

Millard Fillmore
1850-1853

Franklin Pierce
1853-1857

James Buchanan
1857-1861

Abraham Lincoln
1861-1865

Andrew Johnson
1865-1869

Ulysses Grant
1869-1877

Rutherford Hayes
1877-1881

James Garfield
1881

Chester Arthur
1881-1885

Grover Cleveland
1885-1889

Benjamin Harrison
1889-1893

Grover Cleveland
1893-1897

William McKinley
1897-1901

Theodore Roosevelt
1901-1909

William Taft
1909-1913

Woodrow Wilson
1913-1921

Warren Harding
1921-1923

Calvin Coolidge
1923-1929

Herbert Hoover
1929-1933

Franklin Roosevelt
1933-1945

Harry Truman
1945-1953

Dwight Eisenhower
1953-1961

John Kennedy
1961-1963

Lyndon Johnson
1963-1969

Richard Nixon
1969-1974

Gerald Ford
1974-1977

James Carter
1977-1981

Ronald Reagan
1981-1989

George Bush
1989-1993

William Clinton
1993-2001

George W. Bush
2001-2009

Welcome to Bush Country.

Vote For Kodos - Bush Country
I think the most important thing to take away from this election is a point I first heard articulated by White House Chief of Staff Andy Card, that this is the first time in sixteen years - four elections - that the president has been elected by a majority of the vote. William Jefferson Clinton, patron saint of the Democratic Party, never received a majority; he won both his presidential bids with pluralities, 43% and 46% if I remember correctly. Listening to All Things Considered at work and on the drive home, it was amusing to hear the bitterness in the voices of commentators like E.J. Dionne and Daniel Schorr. Apparently, a Republican who wins 51% of the vote has no mandate, but a Democrat who wins 43% has the Midas touch. But let them have their bitterness and hypocrisy, we won!

Florida was delivered safely, thank you very much Brother Jeb. Bush in '08? I have heard talk that Senator Edwards (D, North Carolina), who did not seek reelection to his seat, is just the kind of candidate the Democratic Party needs in 2008, but I find this very curious given how poorly he did in this year's primaries. So, Senator Clinton (D, New York), or will the Democrats finally recognize that the United States Senate is not the strongest position from which to make a run for the White House? This contradicts what I just said, but one Democrat I could possibly support is recently reelected Senator Evan Bayh (D, Indiana).

Switcheroo
Retiring Senators whose open seats fell to the opposing party.
Sen. Ben Nighthorse Campbell (R, Colorado) - Ken Salazar (D)
Sen. Peter Fitzgerald (R, Illinois) - Barack Obama (D)
Sen. John Edwards (D, North Carolina) - Richard Burr (R)
Sen. Fritz Hollings (D, South Carolina) - Jim DeMint (R)
Sen. Zell Miller (D, Georgia) - Johnny Isakson (R)
Sen. Bob Graham (D, Florida) - Mel Martinez (R)
Sen. John Breaux (D, Louisiana) - David Vitter (R)

Retention of the Presidency, increased majorities in the U.S. Senate and the U.S. House of Representatives, and a better-than-even chance to appoint at least one Justice to the Supreme Court.

Welcome to Bush Country.

Vote For Kodos - Zero Hour
"I Voted" stickers are sexy; so, for this one day every other year, I'm sexy.

I only have trouble climbing out of bed when the Sun is up. My first clock went off at 5:30 and I woke immediately and totally. As planned, I hit the snooze button twice, but didn't fall back asleep. It took a few moments for the water heater to kick in, and I'd say the water ran for five minutes before I could take a shower. I met the Guy at 6:30 for breakfast, and afterward went to ye olde polling place, my first school, Paul E. McGrath Elementary. For this summer's primaries, the booths were set up in the big gym. Today, unfortunately, everything's set up in the small gym. Boy howdy, it's going to be wicked crowded later in the day.

Though I'm a highly partisan Republican, I never vote a straight ticket. Why? Because I have to vote for one Democrat, my high school debate teacher, Mikki Hoffman, a long-time Grand Blanc Township trustee. Yeah, she's a drunk and more than once almost killed us all while driving the debate van up to Frankenmuth, but she's Mikki. And Bog knows we just don't have enough certifiable lunatics in office.

Invader ZIM
"The Nightmare Begins"
"Bestest Friend"/"Nanozim"
"Parent Teacher Night"/"Walk of Doom"
"Germs"/"Dark Harvest"
"Attack of the Saucer Morons"/"The Wettening"
"Career Day"/"Battle-Dib"
"Planet Jackers"/"Rise of the Zitboy"
"Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain"/"Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy"
"A Room With a Moose"/"Hamstergeddon"
"Plague of Babies"/"Bloaty's Pizza Hog"
"Door to Door"/"FBI Warning of Doom"
"Bolognius Maximus"/"Game Slave 2"
"Battle of the Planets"
"Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom"
"Mysterious Mysteries"/"Future Dib"
"Hobo 13"/"Walk For Your Lives"
"Megadoomer"/"Lice"
"Abducted"/"The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot"
"GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff"/"Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom"
"TAK: The Hideous New Girl"
"Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars"
"Mortos Der Soul Stealer"/"ZIM Eats Waffles"
"The Girl Who Cried Gnome"/"Dibship Rising"
"Vindicated!"/"The Voting of the Doomed"
"Gaz, Taster of Pork"
"The Frycook What Came From All That Space"
"The Most Horrible X-mas Ever"

I'm Doomed!
"Walk of Doom"
"FBI Warning of Doom"
"Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom"
"Megadoomer"
"Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom"
"The Voting of the Doomed"

Go Honolulu Blue!
The Detroit Lions play the Washington Redskins next week, and so will not have the opportunity to kick Pittsburgh's rookie quarterback Ben Roethlisberger's arse. I wonder why in Bog's name I though we were playing the Steelers. Hmmm. Anywho, thanks to Sports Trivia Master Reed for calling the error to my attention. Thanks, yo. (And hey, I hate Tennessee; so, for one game I won't be rooting against Notre Dame.)

Invader ZIM
Volume 1:
Doom Doom Doom
Volume 2:
Progressive Stupidity
Volume 3:
Horrible Holiday Cheer

Good news: I now have all the ZIM! Bad news: That's all the ZIM there is. Curses! Nothing to do now but acquire great wealth and personally finance a movie, Invader ZIM: TAK's Revenge of Doom!

H-A-N
Have a Starry Night.
(One of my favourites!)

Vote For Kodos - Countdown: 1 Day
If President George W. Bush is reelected, the First Amendment will be repealed; Attorney General Ashcroft will go from house to house eating your children; six new supermegaultraconservatives will be appointed to the Supreme Court; and the United States will bomb every single nation on Earth.

If Senator John Kerry is elected, Jacques Chirac will be appointed Secretary of State; Noam Chomsky will be appointed Secretary of the newly renamed Department of Peace; the FBI will be prohibited from arresting a single terrorist; and heterosexual marriages will be outlawed.

We've had elections before, we'll have elections again. Please vote, but try to keep things in perspective.

Well, Fuck
I'm torn. On the one hand, most of Thomas P.M. Barnett's book The Pentagon's New Map lines up very closely with my own thinking. On the other hand, this. Dr. Barnett actually believes that if Senator Kerry wins the election, Old Europe will commit troops and resources to Iraq. Sorry for being crude, but is he fucking serious? Throughout The Pentagon's New Map, Dr. Barnett is incredibly optimistic, but this borders on the insane. His underlying assumption seems to be the the trans-Atlantic brouhaha over the invasion of Iraq was a matter of style, not a fundamental differences in worldview. Holy cow.

Dr. Barnett is a life-long Democrat, and this is made very clear in The Pentagon's New Map. You'll notice that I continue to respect and value his opinion, even knowing this. In this specific instance, I can only assume he's been caught up in the fervor of the election, and that in a more rational state of mind, he would recognize the folly of his position.

Also, it's All Saints' Day. Go to Mass, today's a holy day of obligation.