Project MERCATOR: The History of History Quiz Night '15, in Song
Freitag, 27 März
The Aquabats!, "Look at Me, I'm a Winner!" from Charge!! Special One Year Anniversary Edition (Captain Thumbs Up!)
Commentary: With a mighty victor's roar & a few more raucous chants of "Four more years! Four more years!," the five official members of the Misty Beavers left behind our four hangers-on & marched to the Quiz Master's podium at the front of the hall. We beheld our bested foes, their eyes either dulled by defeat or burning with envy. We completed the short paperwork required by the U. for the distribution of our prizes & then claimed the secondary fruits of our victory: for each of us a $25 gift card to the Firkin & Fox, $10 in gift certificates to the Flint Farmers' Market, assorted candies, & a small plastic trophy marked with a sticker displaying the logo of their 12th Annual History Quiz Night. The first two times I won History Quiz Night, the winning team was presented with a single, larger plastic trophy; on both occasions my teammates insisted that I take home the hardware, as I'd done the lion's share of the work to secure our victory. Last year, for my third victory, I was thrilled to learn that each of the five members of the winning team received a smaller, individual trophy, because with the Misty Beavers I am finally the member of a team. I defer to the late, great Bo Schembechler's meditations of the magnificence of belonging to a team: "The team, the team, the team."
We posed for pictures for the secretary of the History Department. We beamed, our smiles as wide as our faces & our trophies left aloft in triumph. The Blonde jumped on my back for the "silly picture," while Red Patton lead the two boys in some odd gesture or funny face. I gave Red Patton a piggy back ride up & down the aisles; my ability to carry his weight surprised him, as all he needs to look like an old-fashioned sideshow strongman is my moustache; he is muscles piled upon muscles with an extra side of brawn. We Misty Beavers embraced & high-fived, & gradually gathered up our belongings, still heady from the rush of victory. Most our our vanquished competitors slunk out, precious few offering us sporting congratulations.
History is written by the victors, & the Misty Beavers remains the victors of History Quiz Night. Last year, chastened by coming so close & yet falling so short at History Quiz Night '13, our theme was: Misty Beavers Redemption, which we earned. This year, in remembrance of our triumph at History Quiz Night '14, our theme was: Misty Beavers Repeat, which we achieved. Next year, we aim to go for three in a row: Misty Beavers Dynasty. We are what victory looks like.
"Look at me, look at me, look at me, I'm a winner!
(You're a winner!)
It's just as simple as that!
Don't you agree, don't you agree, don't you agree that I'm a winner?
(You're a winner!)
You just can't argue with that!…"
Samstag, 28 März
Taylor Swift, "Shake It Off" from 1989 (T.L.A.M.)
Commentary: "And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate…"
Looking for a better pub than the Firkin & Fox, where it appeared karaoke was imminent, & certain that our local, The Torch, would be full past capacity & too noisy to permit any conversation, we retired to the Soggy Bottom, a public house north of the Flint River to which I have been many times, usually to see the Loose Ties perform. (Halcyon days now lost & gone forever.) We congratulated each other & reveled in the well-earned triumph. We drank shots out of our wee plastic trophies: the first, tequila, was terrible beyond reckoning, because it was tequila; the second, Red Stag (I think, because they didn't have Fireball), burned so good; the third, Johnny Vegas, was indescribably awful. I drank a Woodchuck hard cider because I wanted something sweeter than beer.
A bizarre, off-color lines of jokes was pursued, with the lone distaff Misty Beaver, the Blonde, being on the receiving end. Mercifully, Red Patton retained no memory of this when we spoke the next morning.
Red Patton was in quite a lather about the "salty bastards," the rogues gallery & their ilk to whom last Monday's R.D.B.S.O.T.D., "True Heart of Racing," was addressed. He was thrilled to have put them in their place, yet could not let them go. He seemed to want to defeat them again & again, to extract his pound of flesh for all the pains & indignities they'd heaped upon him. The lad's been through a tumultuous year & I think he just needed to let off some steam. To blazes with the salty bastards, the Misty Beavers rule the roost! Let the salty bastards be as salty as they want to be, because the wounds into which they rub their saltiness are their own. The Misty Beavers feel no pain, not on History Quiz Night. We won all three rounds on our way to our repeat victory. They can't touch us. Shake it off. The Misty Beavers are victorious! The Misty Beavers of triumphant! The Misty Beavers won the fun as well as the quiz!
"Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!…"
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