It should be noted that I use nicknames in this blog not to protect anybody's identity, but because I think they are more fun than normal names. The Watergirl, from whom I pinched the idea, uses nicknames to protect the innocent and guilty, like on Dragnet. I have no such concern for my fellow man. If you know me, there's a danger that I'll blog about you. Of course, I generally don't blog anything terribly private about anyone besides Lindsay, and then only because she knows I have a blog, knows I often talk about her on said blog, and has said she will respect my desire for her to not read the blog. Still, the truly private stuff only goes into my Journal, which only I read. So, if you know me and you don't want to be mentioned here, let me know, because a "clever" nickname will not protect you identity.

After the RCY show, Skeeter, Saturday Night, and The Watergirl all expressed some confusion over the characters in my little drama. So, in an idea again lifted from Rant & Roar, here, in no particular order, are our players:
Dramatis Personae
Me, Myself, I - my name is Michael Patrick Wilson. My parents call me Michael, but the name I use in my own head is Mike. I am The Last Angry Man. If you like me, you need help. Seriously. As I type this, I'm listening to Ben Folds's Rockin' the Suburbs, meaning by the end I'll be on about my fifth consecutive listening of "The Luckiest," one of the three most romantic songs I've ever heard. ("The Luckiest," "New York City" by They Might Be Giants from Factory Showroom, and "Josie" by Blink-182 from Dude Ranch. I've yet to decide upon an order.) I'm cynical, but quite the sentimentalist once you get to know me.
the Bald Mountain - my little brother, David. He's been the most important thing in the world to me since he was born (I was two and three months).
Lindsay - Lindsay Shaw, the love of my life. To my great sorrow, I am only her best friend. She is amazing.
Skeeter - my self-described soulmate, Julie (last name withheld by request). Julie's been in my triumvirate of best friends since high school, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.
Dylweed & Kristy - another triumvier, Dylan Haney was named after either Bob Dylan or Dylan Thomas, depending on his mood when you ask; Kristy is his charming wife. He's watched me grow and change since middle school and for whatever reason Dylan understands how I see the world, even when it's not how he sees it. We just think on the same wavelength.
Saturday Night Latham - SNL, for Scott Nielson Latham. Also called Scottie J. or Scottie Too Hottie. Scott's just a good man, a truly decent person; he's kind in a way I just can't fathom. Sadly, he has the world's worst haircut.
Boof Daddy - Steve Booth, Scott's twin brother, though they aren't related. Steve can climb vertical poles and lift seven times his own body weight.
Steve Reed - um, his name is Steve Reed. We were going to room together freshman year at Michigan, but then Notre Dame came through with some scholarship money and he was able to fulfill his dream of attedning that dreadful institution. Steve's an ace with numbers and an incredibly intense guy.
Justinandemily - once, my friend Justin Dugas and his girlfriend, Emily Mathews (yes, with only one T). Justinandemily (sometimes Emilyandjustin) are now one conglomorated lifeform, a mock married. Alone among mock marrieds, I don't think they plan to get married or engaged any time soon.
Neutral Man - my buddy and housemate Brad "Brado" Dupay. Brad dresses like he's thrity-five, but he's still a kid. I wish once in a while he'd stand up for what he believes. I doubt we'll stay in touch once we no longer live together. I hate Brad's column in The Newsletter. His evil ex-girlfriend = Miss Missy.
the Flying Dutchman - my housemate and new buddy Mike "Fatty" Lindemulder. He and Brad are high school friends. I like Mike because he believes what he believes, even when I disagree. Again, I think we'll lose touch, but that's okay.
The Plate - I like Jim Platte, in that I like him whenever we hang out, but he once betrayed me without blinking an eye. Truly, a friend of convenience. I'll be glad to be rid of him.
Alber & SSG - Mike Alber and his girlfriend Julie Smith. Alber and I could have been lifelong friends, but he lacks the courage to honor his moral convictions. Also, he's surrendered his soul to SSG, a perfect example of women at their worst. I met Lindsay through SSG, which sickens me almost as much as their continuing friendship. SSG stands for "slutty, slutty girlfriend," which is what one of her high school friends called her once. A kinder meaning is "soul-sucking girlfriend," which no one can deny.
The Watergirl - I only first met Katie (last ane withheld by request) on Monday, even though we attended Michigan during the same four years and shared many common acquaintances and friends. (Technically, we did meet at least once, but neither of us seems to remember it.) I like Katie because her blog annoys me as much as it amuses me, yet I cannot help but keep reading it. She has a stunning singing voice and is a great songwriter, but it appears she's too chicken to perform her stuff live; it is the greater world's loss.

Next time, the extended Blue Tree Whacking gang, et alii; the importance of Real Can of Yams, Skip Carmichael, and Smith and Winkler; and the origin of the Rebel Black Dot Society.