As an experiment, I have decided to test drive Sex and the City, currently in reruns on TBS. Given my feelings toward both New York City and casual sex, this seems quite an odd decision. But, I go with my gut, and this is where it has led me.

Father Mike
I've been thinking and my best option may be to become a priest. After all, I've got enough Catholic guilt to be fairly certain that I'm both (a) a bad person and (b) going to burn in Hell; becoming a man of the cloth might just be enough to weasel my way into Heaven. Let's play good idea, bad idea.

GOOD IDEA I am never ever ever ever ever going to get laid. Seriously, it's just not going to happen. But as a priest I could earn Brownie points with God for remaining celibate. Additionally, I possess in spades the virtue of intolerance; I don't know about your namby-pamby Protestant denominations, but in Catholicism there are certain lines that must be held. No ifs, ands, or buts. If there is one thing I can do, it is take a position and remain steadfast even in the face of overwhelming evidence against me. I can listen to people's problems, lend a sympathetic ear, and then tell them why they are sinning and how dozens of Rosaries are the only way back into His graces. Ha! Also, I would enthusiastically embrace the quasi-magical powers of a Catholic priest (turn bread into flesh, turn wine into blood, absolve sins... it's fantastic!).

BAD IDEA First and foremost, as I said, I'm a bad person; this is fundamentally opposed to being a man of God. (Maybe I'm hoping that if I can weasel my way into the priesthood, the experience will make me good?) I'm not very good at falling in line with Church teachings: the Church is opposed to abortion, I am reluctantly pro-choice; the Church is opposed to the death penalty, I am enthusiastically pro-execution; the Church is dedicated to pacifism, I support preemptive war; the Church supports papal infallability, and while I salute the audacity of that claim, I just can't accept it. Also, I'm not very good at impulse control.

THE GRIPPING HAND I do like the ring of "Father Mike." Hmmm....

Girl X
To live is to risk.