Sunday, March 4, 2007

The Anniversary Party presents Codename: CHAOS
The following is a haphazard complilation of the codenames used here at The Secret Base of the Rebel Black Dot Society. This list should not be misconstrued as ranking my friends according to personal affection; some of these people are erstwhile friends, others are romantic counterparts of my friends. Again, this list is far from comprehensive; if you find yourself taking offense, might I politely suggest that you bugger off.

You all mean more to me than the few words I inscribe here, they merely serve as the most general and horrifically incomplete description of our relationship.

Blue Tree Whacking
The Mountain of Love - David, BTW high command, my beloved brother and roommate; Fort Worthless, Texas (BTW South)

K. Steeze - Kevin, BTW high command, our fearless leader; Los Angeles, California (BTWest)

The Guy - Zach, BTW high command, formerly an avatar of Loki; St. Louis, Missouri

The Professor - Jon, BTW high command, the smartest person I know; Los Angeles, California (BTWest)

Ki-El - Kiel ("Kyle"), BTW affiliate, my comic book mentor; New York, New York

The Evil Princess - Leah, BTW affiliate; somewhere Colorado (she's nomadic)

The Lizzard - Liz, BTW affliate, RCY's drummer; Chicago, Illinois

The Damn Dirty Lefty - John, RCY's mercenary bass player; I have no idea where he lives

The All-American Boy - Adam, BTW affiliate, a childhood neighbor; Detroit, Michigan

The Last Angry Man - Mike, BTW high command, your humble narrator; Fort Worthless, Texas (BTW South)

Riff Raff
The L.A.W. - Lisa, my wicked and wicked cool sister; Washington, D.C.

Skeeter - Julie, my most inscrutable friend; New York, New York

Daddy Dylweed - Dylan, my best friend in high school; Kokomo, Indiana

The Bradman (formerly Neutral Man) - Brad, my comic book and Gargoyle buddy; Allendale, Michigan

The Watergirl - Katie, proof that real-world friendships can begin online; Boston, Massachusetts

Doctor Hee Haw - Seth, the funniest conversation of my life I had with Doc; Detroit, Michigan

Father Steve - Steve, Bob Davie's personal valet; Syracuse, New York

The Sardine - Amanda, she's as quiet as I am loud; New York, New York

Anonymous Friend (formerly The Squirrel King) - ***classified at his request***

Saturday Night - Scott, we met on the middle school swim team, ranking him among my longest-serving friends; Boulder Fort Collins, Colorado

China Doll - Jessica, who called me "sweet" when I asked to kiss her and then presented her cheek; somewhere in Japan

The Buckeye - Susan, the Mountain of Love's fiance; Dublin, Ohio

The Maine Man (formerly Father Time) - Tim, The L.A.W.'s boyfriend; Washington, D.C.

The Goldbricker - my father; Grand Blanc, Michigan (Curiously, my mom has never been given a codename. I just call her "Mom" or "my mom.")

Six Years in Ann Arbor
The Thin Man - Justin, linked at the hip to Saturday Night and Boof Daddy; still in Ann Arbor, Michigan ? I should know this but don't

Boof Daddy - Steve, virtually a mirror image of Saturday Night; Midland, Michigan

Mrs. Sacramento (maiden codename: Never Girl) - Lindsay, whom I really, really wish hadn't kissed me that night; Sacramento, California

The Plate - Jim, co-founder of The Newsletter; Washington, D.C., I think Somerville, Massachusetts

Uncle Jerry - Mike, co-founder of The Newsletter; Lake Whitmore, Michigan at last report

A Girl Named Hell-ya - Jessica, whose loveliness was such that blowing my opportunty with her caused me enough pain to finally prompt a change to my romantic m.o.; I have no idea where she lives, but in a way I owe a great deal to her

From Russia With Love - Olga, the first girl for whom I cooked a meal; Washington, D.C., I think

Lifeguard Girl - Jodi, in whose eyes I was such a eunuch that all we talked about was her inability to decide between the two guys she was actively sleeping with, but still I found her intoxicating; no idea

Swimmer Girl - Laura, "huge tracts of land," I last saw her at Salenski's wedding; no idea

The Flying Dutchman - Mike, who loved Holland, Michigan with all his heart; I should know where he lives, but I can't remember

Captain Malice - Joe, the storm to The Bradman's calm; Chicago, Illinois

Q-Girl - Leanna, thank Bog I recovered my reason before lust made me do something I'd have regretted; no idea

Psycho Hose Beast - Alisa, the first girl I ever kissed, at 20; don't know and don't care

Notorious B.I.N.C.E. - Vince, freshman year roommate, we named my character in The Fantabulous Misadventures of Skip Carmichael after him; don't know and don't care

Odd Man Out - Brian, other freshman year roommate, never mentioned before and probably never again. Anytime three people are forced to share a small room together, two are going to ally in common cause against the third; to my surprise, I was part of the winning duo and Brian moved to North Campus after the fall semester.

High School Confidential
Danny Boy - Dan, my childhood best friend and the only friend I've ever called my "brother"; Chicago, Illinois

Nicky the Greek - Nick, he made fun of me more than anyone else in middle school, but later we bonded; Columbus, Ohio?

The Muppet - Brad, K. Steeze's big brother; Chicago, Illinois

Mrs. Blinky (maiden codename: Ham 'n' Eggs) - Emma, a friend in two distinct phases: elementary school and years later in high school; at last report, Okemos or somewhere like that in the area of Lansing, Michigan

Coach - Coach, my swim coach, biology teacher, and one of the handful of adults I admired; Grand Blanc, Michigan?

As stated above, this list is not a comprehensive guide to everyone I know and all of my friends. Specifically, I have not mentioned most of my colleagues from the Gargoyle, my fellows from Animania, and Genesee County All-Stars and House of Delicious Candies teammates. This is a compendium of "blogosphere" codenames, and most of those extra-curricular chums have never been given codenames. That should not be misconstrued as impinging upon my fondness for each of them.

No comments: