The Rebel Black Dot Song of the Day
"Weird Al" Yankovic, ""Virus Alert" from Straight Outta Lynnwood (T.L.A.M.)

Commentary: I forget what precisely, but a recent news item advised overreactions so extreme & superfluous that I could not help but be reminded of "Virus Alert."

"Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please:
Really wanna give you a warning 'cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus.
If you should get any mail with the subject 'Stinky Cheese,'
Better not for taking no chances, under no circumstances
Should you open it or else it will—

"Translate your documents into Swahili,
Make your T.V. record Gigli,
Neuter your pets and give your laundry static cling.

"(Look out!)
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze,
(Look out!)
Erase the Easter eggs off your D.V.D.s,
(Look out!)
Erase your hard drive and your backups, too,
And the hard drive of anyone related to you!

"Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody.

"Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls,
It'll make your keyboard all sticky, give your poodle a hicky,
And invest your cash in stock in EuroDisney.
Then, it will tie up your 'phone making prank long-distance calls,
It'll set your clocks back an hour, and start clogging the shower,
So just trash it now or else it will—

"Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,
Legally change your name to Reggie,
Even mess up the P.H. balance in your pool!

"(Look out!)
It's gonna melt your face right off your skull,
(Look out!)
And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull,
(Look out!)
And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep,
(Look out!)
And make you physically attracted to sheep,
(Look out!)
Steal your identity and your credit cards,
(Look out!)
Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards,
(Look out!)
Then cause a major rift in time and space
And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place!

"That's right, it's a
Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody.
Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody,
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody,
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now!

"If you get infected you'll wish you had never been born,
So before it emails your grandmother all of your porn:
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down,
Drop it in a forty-three-foot hole in the ground,
Bury it completely, rocks and boulders should be fine,
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn anytime you were online.

"Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody.
Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody.
Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody,
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody,
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now!

"What are you waiting for?
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know.
Hit 'Send' right now!"