"Now is the winter of our discontent."
"Oh, no! Run!"

It's disgustingly warm outside, upwards of forty degrees. All the ice in the driveway has finally melted, the snow is receeding on the lawn. This is awful. January was the most perfect month I have ever experienced: relentless snow, ice, and temperatures that never ventured north of the low twenties, and rarely above the low teens. It was heavenly. Now, the only thing to do is scoff in disgust and contemplate a move to northernmost Ontario, maybe Greenland.

Banzai Beard Bonanza: Day 50
Two awful developments: last night for the first time I got food in my mustache. How revolting. Also, the Mountain has trimmed his beard! What the fuck is that?! The whole point of growing your beard from one specific point to another specific point is to see how long it gets in that time period. If my aim was to grow a beard to the point where it needed to be trimmed, I would have done so weeks ago. Gah, if he's going to trim the damn thing what's the point of growing it for almost three months? He could have started in late January and still had plenty of time to get it to the appropriate length. Well, at least I will keep the faith with this debacle.

I love everything about MxPx's The Renaissance EP, except the fact that it's an EP, not a full-length album (total length: 18 minutes, 9 seconds; being MxPx, that means it is nine songs long). "Yuri Wakes Up Screaming."

The Politics of The Newsletter
Never Girl receives The Newsletter (a huge strike against her is that she does not appreciate it as much as most of my friends). In any event, since she co-habitates with Never Boy I addressed the envelope to "Never Girl & Never Boy." This is standard operating procedure for non-married co-habitating couples. However, she emailed me today, asking if the inclusion of Never Boy's name on the envelope had been some sort of calculated move on my part. Sorry to disappoint, my dear, but the sun and the moon do not revolve solely around you. When it comes to The Newsletter, nobody is more special than anybody else... except Zooey Deschanel.