Pining For Pining
Let's just say that these are high times for the dark bastard. It's been approximately a year since I've really had a cruch on anybody, and I miss longing for someone. In my life, opportunity has knocked many times and I have fouled it up quite expertly in any number of ways. I've been paralyzed into inaction by fear (not always of rejection); had my advances repulsed (sometimes gently, sometimes not); and, on at least two occasions, when my affections were reciprocated, been suddenly seized by a feeling of being smothered and subsequently fled in abject terror. The nice thing about a never-ending drought is that you can truthfully say, "How's business? It's as good as it's ever been."

But the one constant throughout has been the pining. From Mrs. Blinky - whom I only desired after she became Saturday Night's girlfriend and thus unattainable - to my pal Olga to A Girl Named Hell-ya, I am an expert piner. It has even been speculated that I don't even necessarily want a relationship, I just like pining. And now, I don't even have anyone to pine over. (In my classes, I'm surrounded by children.) I've resigned myself to the fact that a relationship is highly unlikely (even in comparison to the normal state of affairs) while I reside in Grand Blanc, but I was unprepared for how much I'd miss the simple act of pining. As a consequence, I find my thoughts dwelling on past involvements, such as my short dalliance with Q-Girl, the last girl I kissed; I jettisoned her for good solid reasons which far outweighed the pleasure of kissing her, yet I still dwell. I just need to find someone for whom I can pine, someone in whom I can invest all manner of emotions, all sorts of hopes and fears. I need to do this not because it is necessarily healthy, but because it is the manner in which I have typically resided, the manner with which I am most familiar and in which I am most comfortable.

Or, you know, I could just take up stalking...

The Bastard
Also, we may have to introduce a new occasional feature, High Times For the Dark Bastard.