Zooey Deschanel Appreciation Day
Great Caesar's ghost, I simply cannot believe this (see No. 79). This is an outrage! Who do those beer bong-owning, silicon implant-loving frat boy bastards think they are kidding? They like keg stands, and Vin Diesel movies, and Hugh Hefner. They are incapable of understanding Ms. Deschanel or appreciating the subtlety of her myriad charms. They like Anna Kournikova and think Paris Hilton is more than just a walking case of VD. These things simply do not jive with liking Zooey Deschanel! Fucking fratholes. By Lucifer's beard, they sully everything!

"Wise Pappy Smurf... corrupted by his own power... Can no leader go UNTAINTED?!"

Godspeed, John Glenn
John Glenn: war hero, astronaut, senator, American badass. He was the first American to orbit the Earth (Alan Shepard and Gus Grissom's earlier flights were suborbital) and the sole Marine among the Mercury 7 (Air Force: Grissom, Deke Slayton, Gordon Cooper; Navy: Shepard, Wally Schirra, Scott Carpenter). His flight, which finally equalled what Yuri Gagarin had accomplished on his first human spaceflight, made him a national treasure; he was considered such a valuable public relations assest that NASA refused to allow him to participate in the Gemini and Apollo programs. The real mark of his mettle? The name of his F-86 during the Korean War: MiG Mad Marine.

Crap
Def Leppard (Learn to spell, you twerps.)

H-A-D
Have a hairy day.