(№ 7) Michigan 63-3 Hawai'i
1-0, B1G 0-0
The Hawai'i game was, for all intents & purposes, perfect. Surely I jest? No game in which Michigan's first offensive play results in an interception can be perfect, not by the definition of the word. Fair enough, but let me counter that suffering a setback like the interception & responding with nine—count 'em, nine—touchdowns produced a greater euphoria than if the first pass had been a routine completion for four or five yards. Perfection in this instance means not looking at each & every detail, but considering the work as a whole, & who doesn't love triumphing over even relatively minor adversity?
Hawai'i is a powderpuff, but I've long argued that every club deserves to open their schedule against a powderfpuff (except the sacrificial powderpuffs, who are well compensated for their service). Practice is good, but the surest way to improve at playing football is by actually playing football, so why not start off the year with a confidence-building win? The defense was an immovable object, the offensive was an unstoppable force, & the special teams weren't seen except on kickoffs, since the valiant Wolverines neither punted the ball nor attempted a field goal. All throughout the contest, the entire Maize & Blue Nation was in a celebratory mood. Football was back; the weather was perfect; superstars from other sports were present (Michael Jordan to promote Nike's Jumpman brand, Derek Jeter because he's a native Michigander who is oddly not-despised for turning down a Michigan scholarship); Heisman Trophy winner Charles Woodson was in the Big House after concluding his magnificent & incredibly-long career in the No Fun League; God was in His heaven; & all was right with the world.
Saturday, 10 September 2016 / Michigan Stadium
(№ 5) Michigan 51-14 Central Florida
2-0, B1G 0-0
The Central Florida game was, by contrast, a dreary affair. The epithetless Knights' (of the American Athletic Conference) offered a stiffer level of competition than the epithetless Rainbow Warriors, but the end result was the same: a dominant victory for the Leaders & Best, yet the contest was marked by none of the jubilation of the previous Saturday. The valiant Wolverines scored nine times, just as against Hawai'i, but this time 'twas six touchdowns & three field goals, compared to nine touchdowns. The valiant Wolverines punted for the first time this season, including one punt that almost stopped my heart—the snap was muffed, but instead of falling on the ball to protect it the punter tried to pick it up & get the kickoff. (I had flashbacks to last year's last-second debacle against the dastardly Spartans.) Something was amiss, I know not what. Was it that we were playing U.C.F., an off-brand, no-name school? Was it that U.C.F.'s coach was the quarterback from Nebraska's dirty, cheating 1997 national co-championship squad? Was it the aerial attack to counter the epithetless Knights' stacking the box to stuff the run? I cannot say, all I know is that rarely have I been so joyless after a 51-14 victory. Apparently, I was not alone, because there is something wrong with us: MGoBlog-link.
I believe in Harbaugh, in what he's doing, but the picture is more complicated than that. The last decade of Michigan football was staggeringly traumatic, including losses to the hated Buckeyes even when we were highly ranked, the loss to Appalachian State, three losing seasons, frequent coaching changes, & a bargain-basement Donald Trump as Athletic Director (Dave "Dollars Signs" Brandon). Two, even under Harbaugh we still lost to both Michigan State & Ohio State last year. The loss to the hated Buckeyes was particularly ugly, as lopsided as anything you'd see in the Brady Hoke era. Harbaugh is an accomplished football coach, but he's not actually a magical unicorn. He cannot just wave a wand & set the world aright. The ease in which I used to bask is gone, & is not yet restored. I honestly don't know if it can even come back again, of if I'll always watch the valiant Wolverines with a certain dread lurking in the back of my mind. Maybe that's a good thing, because it will prevent us from lapsing into the complacency that lead to our downfall in the first place. (On that note, I've got John U. Bacon's new book, Endzone: The Rise, Fall, & Return of Michigan Football, waiting for me at the Genesee District Library.)
Next: The valiant Wolverines, now № 4 in the Associated Press poll, host an old nemesis, the epithetless Buffaloes of the University of Colorado, at the Big House. (Michigan doesn't play an away game 'til the second weekend in October.) The early '90s saw the high tide of the enmity 'twixt Michigan & Colorado, but in the interim the epithetless Buffaloes have joined with the ancient foe, the Pac-12 Conference. (which makes perfect since, since the State of Colorado is so well known for its sparkling Pacific coastline.)
Go Blue!
Bonus! Songs of the Day
For Hawai'i
The University of Michigan Marching Band, "Temptation" from Hurrah for the Yellow and Blue (The Last Angry Man)
Commentary: The second song is not meant as a taunt of the epithetless Raindow Warriors. It is a bona fide Michigan tradition that the playing of "Temptation" is always followed by the playing of the "Hawaiian War Chant."
"You can't have one without the other. Ladies & gentlemen, the 'Hawaiian War Chant'!"The University of Michigan Marching Band, "Hawaiian War Chant" from Hurrah for the Yellow and Blue (The Last Angry Man)
For Central Florida
Fastball, "Better Than It Was" from All the Pain Money Can Buy (The Last Angry Man)
Commentary:
"Life can be unkind—Fountains of Wayne, "You're Just Never Satisfied" from Out-of-State Plates (The Last Angry Man)
"But it's better than it was,
It's better than it was,
I complain very little because
It's better than it was…"
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