We shall never see his like again...
Last year's Tommy's Frogs show was one of the greatest nights of my life. Real Can of Yams played our best show to date; I was surrounded by my friends, the BTW crew of the Bald Mountain, Zach Nie!, the Professor, and K. Steeze and those cool kids Skeeter, The Watergirl, Saturday Night, and Never Girl; and the Local was full of happy, hopeful people. Tonight, the Professor and K. Steeze are exiled in California; without Kevin there's no RCY; the dark, barren pit of Metropolis serves as the Local-in-Exile, housing a quarter as many people; and I was alone except for the Mountain of Love and the Conchshell. He was on stage and though she and I are civil, we just don't jive; so, in effect I was alone. This year the world is not as awesome a place.

Before the Banzai Beard Bonanza
I do not believe in New Year's resolutions. If you are going to make a change, just make the change. The artificial barrier of a new year doesn't make it any more likely you'll actually succeed. Just do it. Or don't. What does that have to do with the calendar? That said, the Bonzai Beard Bonanza begins on January 1, as this will make it easy to keep track of how much time has passed. I'm really excited about the coming debacle; it's going to be awful, which in BTW terms means it's going to be awesome.

I hate shaving, but I love being clean shaven. The nice thing is that when the "beard" is finally tamed, my imperial and long sideburns will triumphantly return. Wicked sweet.

I know the Banzai Beard Bonanza is a dreadfully bad idea. That's the only reason I want to do it.

Mine
I have The Watergirl's book, Where is Joe Merchant?

I have Zach Nie!'s book, A Clockwork Orange.

Zach Nie! has my Star Trek: Deep Space Nine seventh season DVD box set. (The book is being held for ransom until the return of the DVDs. In the past, Zach has had problems respecting other people's property.)

Skeeter has my book, What She Saw....

Sardine has my book, About a Boy.

The Professor has my Star Trek: Deep Space Nine first, second, and third season DVD box sets.

Restore the Roar
As soon as Steve Mariucci was hired as the coach of my beloved Detroit Lions, I said that all I could ask is that in the 2003 season the Lions post a 5-11 record. 5-11 is not good, but that's as many wins as the two seasons under Marty Mornhinweig combined. This year, the Lions posted a 5-11 record. I have never been so happy about an eleven-loss season. Thank you, Mr. Mariucci, I believe you when you say we're building something good here.

Now, if only Matt Millen would drop dead....

Self-Destruction Might Be the Answer
I want Liz Phair to use me, abuse me, and toss me aside as soon as she's bored. Please.