Hair Razing
The only problem with my haircut is that I'm not dedicated enough. To make it look like I want it to look, I need to cut it every two weeks; on average, I cut it between every three or four weeks. Curse my sloth. I've been thinking about cutting my hair for a week now, and always internally griping that it was too long; so, I have rededicated myself to the two week schedule. I was cutting it today, and had just finished up with triming the very back to level 1, when I thought "Fuck it" and did my whole head on level 1, instead of my customary level 2. My hair is so short that the top of my head looks not brown but gray, meaning you are seeing more scalp than hair. The nice thing about cutting your hair too short is that it will always grow back. The only times my hair has even been this short, prior to today, are when I've cut it in preparation for shaving my head, or when my hair was growing back after Big 9. (On the Grand Blanc High School Boys' Swimming and Diving Team, we shaved our heads before the Big 9 Conference championship meet.) Seeing my gray head, I briefly thought about shaving my head, but then a ZIM quote that I've been saying a lot lately, usually without any provocation or bearing on immediate events, popped into my head: "Noooo, don't be silly." I already have a receeding hairline (male pattern baldness on both sides of the family); once my inevitable bald spot appears, I'm just going to pull a Coach Oldham and shave my head. But we have not yet come to that point.

The great difficulty in quoting Invader ZIM in writing is that the voice work throughout the show were the most creative and unusual voice performances I have ever heard, and I watch a hell of a lot of cartoons. It is hard enough to imitate the voices on ZIM, but how in writing can I capture the profound and overpowering glee in GIR's voice when he sez, "I made it myself!" Or the anguish of, "Why, piggy? Why? I loveded you, piggy! I loveded yoooouuu!" And then of course there's what may be my favorite quote from the whole show, ZIM's boast, "And now to unleash screaming temporal doom!"

I chose to describe the voices of Invader ZIM as "creative and unusual" both because they were in fact both creative and unusual, and also because when I was in fifth grade (and the Mountain in second), we won those awards at a Cub Scout Halloween party. I went as a gasoline pump, the kind you find at your friendly neighborhood gas station; the Mountain went as a tank. My costume was a carboard box with arm holes in the front (to hold my trusty Masters of the Universe pillow case) and a vacuum clearer tube sticking out of one side as the nozzle and hose. David's tank was a series of carboard boxes, perhaps as many as five, somehow stuck together. Tape? I honestly don't remember. He was completely inside this contraption and had limited vision and mobility. I remember at the time, and still to this day, I could not understand why and was slightly offended that my costume earned the "Most Unusual Costume" award, while he won the "Most Creative Costume" award. Why was his tank more creative than my gas pump? And what made mine more unusual than his? At least you could see my head!

Of course, all this was when I was ten and did not yet understand that I was weird. At the time, I knew I wasn't very popular, but I hadn't yet realized what that meant. In middle school, I accepted that I was weird, that I didn't fit in, and typically I was very depressed by this. In was only in high school that I began to revel in my oddity and to thank the Almighty that I'm not normal.

Just then, when I meant to type "normal," I typed "moral." As in "to thank the Almighty I'm not moral." Freudian slip, anyone?

Girl X
I was right the first time, it's time to start saying things that can't be taken back.

Pug Ugly
The Nies cannot return quickly enough, I am so damn sick of the pug uglies. What can I say? I'm an unsympathetic monster with no compassion. I think I'm okay with that.

H-A-N
Have a completely possessed night.