The Spanish Main
I mourn for all the innocent victims of the savage train bombings in and around Madrid, Spain, on March 11, 2004; I sincerely believe that the monsters who perpetrated the attacks will not find Paradise in the afterlife, but rather a specially prepared corner of the Inferno. A scenic view of the lake of fire, perhaps. But, I object to referring to the Madrid attacks as "Spain's 9/11." I object not because the manner of attack was different, nor because the loss of life was on such a greater scale in New York, Virginia, and Pennsylvania; I object solely because the American and Spanish reactions to the two horrors were so radically different.

Whether of not you agree with the Bush Administration's conduct of the war on terror, or whether or not you feel it is appropriate to conduct a war on terror at all, since I know there are some pacifists out there like The Plate you feel that violence is never the right answer, it cannot be denied that in the wake of September 11, 2001, the United States has aggressively confronted transnational Islamist terrorism. In contrast to this confrontational approach, in the wake of March 11, 2004, the Kingdom of Spain complied with the demands of the train bombers and withdrew all Spanish forces from Iraq. (On similar grounds, I object to referring to the Soviet adventure in Afghanistan as "the Soviet Union's Vietnam.")

Whether or not you think that Spanish troops should have been in Iraq as part of the post-Saddam occupation/stablization/reconstruction effort, it is an accepted international primciple that civilized nations do not give in to the demands of terrorists. Yet, this is exactly what the voters of Spain did rejecting then-Prime Minister Aznar in favor of current Prime Minister Zapatero. I oppose the French ban on Muslim headscarves and other prominent religious emblems in public schools, but I applaud the solidarity and strength France has shown in the face of the terrorist kidnpappings of French journlists and subsequent demands for the repeal of the headscarves ban. France has stood up to terrorist, the same people to whom Spain now kowtows. It is because of this weakness, this willingness to give in to those who view deliberate violence against civilians as a legitimate tool of political discourse, that I view Spain as the most contemptable country in Europe.

Thus, I make the following pledge: unless I am one day in the employ of the U.S. government (Colin Powell may think I'm a loser now, but I'll prove myself to him yet!) and am assigned to Spain as part of my official duties, I swear on my sacred honor that I will never set foot in the Kingdom of Spain. I will not explore the Alcazar of Segovia. I will not experience the local color of Toledo. I will not tour the battlefields of Wellington's Peninsular campaign. Whenever possible, I will not do business with Spanish firms, as I do not wish to contribute to the wealth or well-being of those despicable people. And if one day the ETA terrorists succeed in creating an autonomous Basque homeland, it will be a direct result of Spain's retreat in the face of Islamist terror.